There was a time when nobody had to ask who the Leader of the Free World was. No election, no oath, no certificate suitable for framing. But everyone knew. It was the President of the United States.
Then, rather quietly, people stopped saying it. And started saying someone else.
Mark Carney. The Prime Minister of Canada.
Nobody appointed him. There was no ceremony, no marching band, no official on the steps of Parliament holding a folder marked LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD – TOP SECRET. The title simply drifted north. Perhaps it crossed the border one night, the way so much else does. Perhaps it looked at Canada and thought, “They seem rather nice.”
This presents a difficulty.
One imagines the scene in the White House.
“Sir, there’s some talk about Mark Carney being called the Leader of the Free World.”
Silence.
“Who?”
“Carney, sir. The Canadian Prime Minister.”
“Canada?”
“Yes, sir.”
“He’s the Leader of the Free World?”
“Some people are saying so, sir.”
A longer silence.
“How many?”
“An estimated 99% of the world’s population, sir.”
”Fake news. The world loves me” roars the president before settling into a 55-tweet meltdown on Truth Social and a 80-minute phone call to Fox News. (Subject of discussion: how can the governor of the 51st state of the USA be a leader of the free world?)
Because the President has spent considerable effort reminding Canada that it is America’s neighbour, trading partner and occasional source of irritation, the notion that its prime minister has quietly inherited the top job could prove awkward – particularly for the man who used to have it.
What follows is not a tantrum (all his tantrums were used up on his Truth Social rant). It is a response.
National security advisers are summoned. Somebody suggests the phrase was never official to begin with. This is not well received. Somebody else points out that you cannot, strictly speaking, tariff a nickname. This is worse.
By evening, a draft executive order is circulating.
THE UNITED STATES HEREBY DECLARES THAT THE PHRASE “LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD” REMAINS THE PROPERTY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
There is a legal problem. Nobody owns it. It is a phrase.
The following morning brings sanctions against three Canadian provinces, two hockey teams and a maple syrup cooperative in Manitoba. The carrier strike group is repositioned. Not toward Canada, obviously. Toward the general area. As a precaution. Nobody will say what the precaution is, but it is being taken.
By Thursday, the President has announced that the free world is being renegotiated.
The free world declines to comment, largely because nobody thought to invite it.
Ottawa’s response is a single sentence, delivered with the mildness of a vicar discussing the weather: “Sorry. We didn’t take it. We found it lying around.”
This does not help.
Carney, meanwhile, finds himself holding one of the most prestigious unofficial titles in world politics without having applied. He could deny it.
“I don’t consider myself the Leader of the Free World.”
Which would be terribly Canadian – and make things worse. Refusing a title while behaving as though you don’t need it is precisely how one comes to deserve it.
In Washington, someone is drafting a statement: The President remains the Leader of the Free World. In Ottawa, someone is putting the kettle on. Canadians have always understood something about leadership. You don’t declare yourself the leader: Everyone else looks around, sees who’s still standing, and hands you the job.
There is no mechanism for getting it back. Canada won’t surrender it. Carney won’t demand it. The rest of the free world isn’t asking Washington’s permission.
Which leaves only one option.
The President may have to accept that the Leader of the Free World is now Canadian. This will be difficult. Canada is famous for being polite. It is not famous for giving things back just because somebody in Washington has decided they want them.
Especially if they found it lying around.
Washington is reportedly considering filing a police report.
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Thank goodness someone’s putting on the kettle whilst Trump & his flunkies are descending into the hell of their own making.
With Canada being about 2000 miles & a decade or two closer to China than the USA, one can only ponder whether Xi’s been given the word before he meets Trump on the 24th.
Ahhhh
You forgot “Thankyou for your attention to this matter”
Seems the US Federal Court has found a solution to the vexing question of whether Trump’s name should appear on the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.
the Judge has said that the Center is a memorial to a deceased President who was assassinated whilst in office. As such, Trump cannot add his name to what is a memorial [i.e. defined as an object, place, or event created to honour a person who has died].
The judge has helpfully pointed out that were Trump to be assassinated whilst in office, it would be open to the Congress to add his name to this or any other memorial.
The judge left it to the common sense of the American people. The judgement has been heralded as equivalent to the Judgement of Solomon and serves as an archetypal example of divine wisdom, psychological insight, and impartial justice.
Now what happened to those five (5) guys who wanted to attend the White House Big Fight Night to show TACO Trumpery their collection of fully automatic military rifles and explosives??
Naturally the judge was correct that should PPOTUS (Pederast Protector of the Undemocratic Sewer) TACO be assassinated, as his support for the ZION@ZI GENOCIDE IN GAZA led by POTUS Butcher Bibi has inflicted on innocent Indigenous Palestinian landowners, then obviously there would be an appropriately named memorial.
I will leave the memorial message to your imagination …..
I wonder if anyone (preferably a Canadian anyone) has thought to copyright the phrase “Leader of the Free World” …
… and maybe set up a webpage with that name that redirects to the Canadian government … or even Carney’s personal FB or LinkedIn or whatever profile …
May I suggest that Albanese would better serve the interests of all Australians if he were to liaise with Carney in Ottawa rather than Trump in Washington?
I beg to differ, perhaps semantically and suggest that Emmanuel Macron has earned that cloak, despite some troubles at home. Both the French and Europeans feel it and know it, Macron clearly speaks it on moral, humanitarian and statesmanlike grounds and doesn’t mince his words on the other three suitors – Little Boy Dump, Bibi the Butcher, and Sputin of Putingrad. Europe is currently the crucible and foundry of democracy, arguably the US never had it, it was just a one man (now billionaire) show, no less feudal and hollow as it ever was, apart from Kennedy.
Carney has the popular vote of Canada and is shaping up tying the knot with Europe, and if Albanese has the sense and orientation he should do the same in SE Asia, Europe and forge a reciprocal visit with China. All the better, if no such invitation goes to Little Boy Dump, who has never bothered to visit Australia, and he would ‘NOT SO NOT be welcome over here, stick an AUKUS up his rear’.
Carney is Charges D’Affairs, he hasn’t earned it yet, let’s see how he fairs.
PS Clearly we should never have dropped the SUB contract with France – LOTFWA! What a missed opportunity we will eternally regret, thanks Fukspaut Morriscum and his gerry band of MAGA sucking LibNat Republican Mecanos.
So,
After reading this, it seems folk have lost faith in the USA and are casting round for something that works, in the way that things seem not to work now…there has to have been a breakdown of sorts looming.
Once again, I enjoyed Terry Mills’ comment. Trump has been a showman, but the stunts have warn thin. It is indeed not his perogative to do some of the stuff he says, esp massive bribes to the electorate.
Soon the US midterms will be on us and we will see if the rot has indeed set in with the Trump presidency.
They can impeach him, if they want. Would Vance do any better?
Many, many parallels to the Great Gatsby or Nixon times, that some would remember.
Paul:
The playbook is clear – whatever happens with the midterm elections, Trump will be Amendment 25ed by Vance et al in late January, Vance will see out then remainder of his term and is then eligible for two full terms in the Oval Office. They have to rig the Presidential elections, of course, because Vance is about as popular and charismatic as toe fungus, but they’re working on that.
Vance’s first official act as POTUS would be to give Trump and his family a blanket pardon.