An economist trapped in Trump’s tariff chaos is the perfect setup for absurdity.
You can picture it:
- The economist wakes up to find that the tariff rate on imported cheese has changed three times before breakfast.
- By lunch, the stock market has swung so wildly that his investment app converts to a blood pressure monitor.
- The phone rings constantly – one minute it’s a panicked exporter, the next it’s a confused foreign trade minister wondering if Trump’s latest “tariff” is actually just a typo.
- By evening, the economist is drinking directly from the coffee pot while trying to decipher Trump’s latest press conference about “winning the trade war by making imports too expensive for anyone to buy – including Americans.”
Let’s take a look at the day in the life of one particular economist, Basil Schwarzenegger. Note that for privacy reasons, this isn’t his real name. (His real name is George).
A Day in the Life of Basil the Economist in Trumpland
6:00 a.m. – My alarm goes off. Before I’ve even put on the kettle, I check my phone: Trump has just announced a 15% tariff on French cheese “because it smells un-American.” I make a note to cancel my dinner party.
7:30 a.m. – MSNBC reports that the tariff on French cheese has been lowered to 8%, raised to 22%, and then removed entirely in the time it took me to butter my toast. The stock market responds with a 600-point drop, followed by a 450-point rally, then another 800-point drop – all before the opening bell.
9:00 a.m. – My office phone rings nonstop. An exporter in Ohio wants to know if soybeans are still tariff-free in China. I say yes, check Twitter, and discover they were tariffed 20% five minutes ago after Trump found out pandas don’t eat them.
11:15 a.m. – A delegation from Canada calls to ask if the 30% tariff on maple syrup is real or a typo. I don’t know anymore.
1:00 p.m. – Trump announces a new “strategic tariff rotation” plan in which import taxes will be reassessed every hour on the hour, “to keep our enemies guessing.”
3:45 p.m. – The Dow plummets 1,200 points after Trump hints at a 50% tariff on all foreign goods. It rebounds 900 points when he tweets, “Just kidding. Love you, Germany!” It drops another 700 points when he adds, “But not as much as I love tariffs.”
6:00 p.m. – I pour a glass of wine – domestic, because the import tariff on Australian shiraz is now 65%. By the time I sit down, it’s been reduced to 5%, and I’m furious.
8:00 p.m. – The President tweets that tomorrow all tariffs will be abolished “to show what a great guy I am.” I start drafting a resignation letter. Five minutes later, he adds, “Just kidding, tariffs forever!” I delete my letter and pour another glass of wine.
10:00 p.m. – I check the latest tariff schedule before bed. Tariffs now change every fifteen minutes, the U.S. is in a trade war with Belgium, and the value of the dollar is officially “???”. I turn off the lights knowing tomorrow will be… worse.
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Roswell
I find it interesting that a number of court cases are progressing through federal courts to establish if, under the US Constitution, the POTUS actually has the power to impose taxes on imports (he calls them tariffs) without the prior approval of the Congress (i.e. the House of Representatives and the Senate).
Early indications are that the President does not have that constitutional authority but we will inevitably have to await the deliberations of the Supreme Court.
Good morning, Terry.
I’ve been keeping an eye on that.
It’s going to be a nightmare handing all that money back.
Trump’s legal team isn’t helping by lying to the court, specifically, that a trillion dollars in tariffs have been collected.
Should Team Trump lose, I’m salivating at the thought of the massive dummy spit, which will be framed, no doubt, as “the courts steal a trillion dollars from the American people.”
Roswell,
You left out the part where the economist spends half an hour each morning looking for his calculator only to find hiding in a cupboard or under a pile dirty clothes with the message, “Please, please, no more Trumpnomics. It’s torture.” scrolling across it’s screen.
Roswell: slight correction to your quote: The Marxist courts steal a trillion dollars from the American people.
“the American People” consists of those granted tax cuts and increased benefits. Those not so benefited, are not “patriots” and need to be stripped of their citizenship, even if they were born in the USA. I’m sure the SCOTUS is working on how this might be done. Watch this space, as they say.
Terry: the SCOTUS deliberations only consist of how they dress up their “decision” in terms that somehow have something to do with the US constitution. That can always be organised, when they have managed to overturn Roe v. Wade.
I await more fun and games, finally demonstrating the complete poverty of the much hyped US Constitution and their system of governance, not to mention their claim to be the greatest democracy and defenders of “freedom” in the world.
An example of how mad this has become is evidenced by both Charles Koch (think Atlas Network inc IPA, CIS etc) and the judicial Federalist Society’s Leonard Leo (think SCOTUS stacking & Roe vs Wade) challenging Trump’s tariffs.
Very little coverage and still being challenged according to AP ‘Trump, frustrated with some judges, lashes out at former ally and conservative activist Leonard Leo’
https://apnews.com/article/trump-leonard-leo-federalist-society-judges-trade-454c4ae1b946bd2d37a29de9b24b02a1
All together now…1…2…3…it’s never ever Trumps fault!
GL: “fault” implies that something has gone wrong. Nothing that Trump does can ever go wrong. What is this Trump’s “fault” you speak of?