Australia First, Geography Later

Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Department of Foreign Affairs has a few vacancies

There are many things a prospective prime minister should know.

The state of the economy would probably be useful.

The condition of the health system might come in handy.

How to turn a Candid Camera moment into a photo op.

Locating the Australian states and territories on a map would be mandatory (Tasmania optional).

Knowing what the Constitution says or doesn’t say would presumably be an advantage.

And then – last but not least – there is foreign policy.

You know – all those countries with which Australia trades, negotiates, cooperates on defence, shares intelligence, signs treaties and occasionally tries to prevent the world from descending into chaos.

So perhaps it isn’t entirely unreasonable to expect someone who wants to become Prime Minister of Australia to know who runs the countries immediately around us.

Apparently, this is asking a little too much.

Pauline Hanson, leader of One Nation and increasingly keen to be taken seriously as a potential prime minister, was recently asked (paywalled) by journalist Chris Kenny who leads Indonesia.

She didn’t know.

She was then asked who leads Japan.

She couldn’t remember that either.

When China came up, however, there was no hesitation.

Xi Jinping.

And suddenly Australia’s foreign policy became much clearer.

It appears to operate on a three-tier system:

China: Know the bloke.

Japan: Who?

Indonesia: Is that the one with the islands?

To be fair, Hanson has defended herself by pointing out that she isn’t Prime Minister.

Quite so.

And that is precisely the point.

Nobody is suggesting that every member of Parliament should be capable of reciting the names of every world leader while standing on one leg.

But Hanson isn’t presenting herself as an ordinary member of Parliament.

She leads a political party that is enjoying a surge in support, has been discussing what she would do in her first 100 days in office and wants Australians to contemplate a One Nation government.

If that happens, she won’t have the luxury of saying:

“Hang on. What’s the Indonesian president’s name again?”

The Indonesian president is Prabowo Subianto.

The Japanese prime minister is Sanae Takaichi.

And both countries matter enormously to Australia.

Indonesia is our nearest major neighbour and a critical strategic partner.

Japan is one of our most important economic and security partners.

Neither is exactly an obscure country that has recently been discovered by Google Maps.

Welcome to the One Nation Department of Foreign Affairs

Perhaps we have been unfair.

Maybe Hanson simply needs a better briefing system.

Fortunately, The AIMN has obtained what we believe to be a leaked copy of the proposed One Nation Foreign Affairs Department’s emergency briefing notes.

CONFIDENTIAL – ONE NATION FOREIGN AFFAIRS BRIEFING

Subject: Countries Australia May Need to Talk To

JAPAN

Leader: Sanae Takaichi.

Important facts:

They make cars.

They have lots of trains.

They gave the Prime Minister some melons.

INDONESIA

Leader: Prabowo Subianto.

Important facts:

It’s north of Australia.

It has lots of islands.

Jakarta is somewhere over there.

CHINA

Leader: Xi Jinping.

Important facts:

Pauline knows this one.

UNITED STATES

Leader: Donald Trump.

Important facts:

Pauline definitely knows this one.

NEW ZEALAND

Leader: Ask Barnaby.

PAPUA NEW GUINEA

Leader: Do not ask during Question Time.

There may be another problem. Such as “Where is it?”

One Nation has not exactly overwhelmed Australians with a comprehensive foreign-policy blueprint.

An ABC examination of the party’s foreign policy earlier this year found that One Nation did not have a detailed foreign-policy platform on its website. When Hanson was asked to describe her foreign policy, her answer was remarkably broad: Australia should maintain diplomatic relations with many countries around the world.

Which is certainly a start.

It is rather like saying your medical policy is that Australia should have hospitals.

Or your economic policy is that people should have money.

Still, perhaps we shouldn’t be too demanding. After all, there is a perfectly good reason Hanson might not know the leaders of Japan and Indonesia.

She might simply be waiting for the election to tell her.

Australia First, Geography Later

There is something genuinely serious underneath all this.

Australia is not an island floating independently in the Pacific, blissfully protected from the rest of the world by its magnificent distance.

We live in the Indo-Pacific.

Our prosperity, security, trade routes, energy supplies and diplomatic relationships are deeply connected to the countries around us.

And Foreign Minister Penny Wong has just warned that the idea of retreating from the region – including what she described as the “melancholic fantasy” of monoculturalism – risks leaving Australia isolated in an increasingly dangerous world.

That makes the Hanson episode rather more significant than a politician forgetting a name.

Because foreign policy isn’t a school quiz.

You don’t get to press the buzzer and say, “Can I have that question again?”

When you’re Prime Minister, the person whose name you can’t remember today might be the person you need to telephone tomorrow.

Perhaps the One Nation campaign should therefore adopt a new slogan.

MAKE AUSTRALIA GREAT AGAIN.

No, sorry.

Wrong country.

Try:

AUSTRALIA FIRST. GEOGRAPHY LATER.

And perhaps, before election day, someone should buy Pauline Hanson a map.

Preferably one with the countries labelled.

And perhaps – just to be safe – Xi Jinping can be written in pencil.