If you judged the situation only by President Trump’s 160 late-night Truth Social posts, you’d think something catastrophic had happened. A coup? A meteor? Someone using a paper straw in his presence? No one knew. The posts didn’t say. They were just an escalating chorus of “I’M FINE!!!” – which is, of course, the international signal for “No, you’re not.” (Which, as any sane person knows, is the universal distress beacon for “Sweet Jesus, someone hide the phone and bring the tranquilliser darts”).
At this point, the man sounded desperate, but the real mystery was what for.
Was he terrified that the refrigerator light stays on when the door closes?
Had he just discovered that “covfefe” wasn’t actually a word?
Did he learn that he’s been using Arabic numerals all his life?
Did someone tell him that Australia is a real place and not, in fact, “a Democrat hoax”?
No one knew. He wasn’t saying. He was just posting. Furiously. Like a man trying to outrun a thought.
By the time he reached post number 20 the nation realised they were watching a live-streamed psychological unravelling. The final posts came in at such a pace you could practically hear the keyboard screaming for mercy.
If there was a crisis, it wasn’t national – it was deeply, intimately personal. The kind of crisis that can only be solved by sleep, fibre, therapy, or all three. But one thing was certain: whatever he was desperate about, it probably wasn’t worth 160 posts. Or maybe, for him, it was. After all, some people journal. Others meditate. And then there are those who panic-tweet at 3 a.m., furiously insisting everything is under control.
By dawn, the situation had become so strange that experts were called in – linguists, psychologists, even a retired IT guy named Barry who once fixed a printer for the RNC. None of them could decode the posts. One message simply read, “SEE???”, accompanied by a photo of a traffic cone. Another said, “THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID,” which was unsettling because absolutely nobody did.
Speculation ran wild. Was he desperate because the polls weren’t magically rearranging themselves overnight like enchanted furniture?
Whatever the cause, one truth was undeniable: this wasn’t communication. This was a man flapping his arms at the universe, hoping sheer volume might bend reality back into his preferred shape. In the end, the only thing achieved by the 160-post marathon was universal agreement on one point – nobody who is truly “winning big” feels the need to scream it repeatedly into the night.
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Wow, his brain is dissolving even faster than I thought. His sanity is hammering on the door of his mind screaming to be let out and run free.
Trump endlessly claims that he has “ended 8 wars in just 8 months” in social media posts with the title “the president of peace”.
His latest addition to his list of wars “ended” is the two-year conflict between Israel and Palestine. Last time I looked at reputable news reports Palestinians were still being bombed and having aid blocked and just for good measure Netanyahu is also bombing Lebanon and Syria amid claims he needs his domestic corruption charges dropped so that he can concentrate on who next to bomb.
The other seven countries where Trump has brought peace included conflicts between Israel and Iran, Pakistan and India, Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, Thailand and Cambodia, Armenia and Azerbaijan, Egypt and Ethiopia, and Serbia and Kosovo. A number of these conflicts lasted just days, although they were the result of long-standing tensions – and one of them had no fighting to end.
He expects to bring peace to Ukraine any day but Ukrainians are worried about what this will mean for them in a peace deal drawn up by Russia.
The excuses for Dozey Donnie are starting to become a wee bit more strident. Biden never fell asleep as much as the Orange Emperor is increasingly doing as time goes by.
https://x.com/acyn/status/1996022111593484634