For most of human history, wars have ended when both sides agreed they had ended.
This quaint tradition appears to have been abandoned.
In recent weeks, President Trump has repeatedly announced ceasefires, peace agreements, negotiations, understandings, breakthroughs, and imminent surrenders involving Iran.
Each announcement has been followed by an almost immediate response from Iran consisting of some variation of: “What on earth is he talking about?”
The exchanges have become so predictable that one suspects official translators are no longer required. A simple recording of “No” could probably handle most of the workload.
Here’s the record of one particular day, filled with press conferences and tweeting frenzies:
5:15am: Truth Social tweet
Trump: Iran has agreed to a complete and unconditional surrender.
Iran: We have not.
Trump: That’s exactly what someone who had surrendered would say.
Iran: No, it isn’t.
6:25am press conference
Trump: My sources tell me Iran is preparing a formal surrender ceremony.
Reporter: Who are your sources?
Trump: A highly respected person working on the reflecting pool. Can you believe it? Sleepy Joe could rig an election but couldn’t clean a pool.
Iran: Oh do shut up.
7am tweet
Trump: Iran has agreed to surrender.
Iran: No.
Trump: Sorry, that was the press conference. Let me check what I’ve tweeted.
8:20 press conference
Trump: Iran has accepted every condition.
Iran: We haven’t even seen the conditions.
Trump: See? They’re already negotiating.
9:10am tweet
Trump: The deal is signed.
Iran: It is not signed.
Trump: It will be signed.
Iran: It won’t.
Trump: Then it’s a verbal agreement.
Iran: It isn’t.
Trump: Then it’s an understanding.
Iran: We do not understand.
9:35am tweet
Trump: My astrologer predicts Iran will surrender after lunch on Friday.
Iran: The astrologer is an Iranian spy.
Trump: That’s how accurate he is.
10am press conference
Trump: Iran has agreed to peace.
Iran: No we haven’t.
Trump: They are playing hard to get.
11am tweet
Trump: We are very close to a historic agreement.
Iran: We are not.
Trump: See? That’s exactly the kind of constructive dialogue I’m talking about.
11:15am tweet
Trump: Iran’s Supreme Leader personally approved the deal.
Iran: He did not.
Trump: Well, spiritually approved.
11:30am press conference
Trump: Iran has accepted the memorandum of understanding.
Iran: There is no memorandum.
Trump: Then they’ve accepted the memorandum of not understanding.
12:20pm press conference
Trump: We have a deal.
Iran: No.
Trump: We have a ceasefire.
Iran: No.
Trump: We have peace.
Iran: No.
Trump: We have excellent communication.
Iran: Stop calling us.
12:40pm press conference and tweet simultaneously
Trump: Iran has agreed to surrender.
Iran: No.
Trump: Well, that’s not what my sources say.
Reporter: Who are your sources?
Trump: A bloke named Gary.
12:50pm tweet
Trump: Iran has accepted all conditions. (Again. He’s persistent with this one).
Iran: We have not.
Trump: That’s not what my horoscope says.
Iran: Stop getting your foreign policy from horoscopes.
1:30pm press conference
Trump: Iran surrendered three days ago.
Iran: We are literally firing missiles right now.
Trump: That’s just celebratory firing.
1:55pm tweet
Trump: Iran has agreed to peace.
Iran: No.
Trump: They’ve agreed in principle.
Iran: No.
Trump: They’ve agreed spiritually.
Iran: What does that even mean?
Trump: It means we’re very close.
2:30pm press conference
Trump: I have accepted every one of Iran’s conditions.
Iran: We haven’t set any conditions.
Trump: It is on condition of Iran setting their conditions.
12:40pm press conference and tweet simultaneously
Trump (at press conference): Iran has agreed to surrender.
Trump (tweeting): Iran has accepted all conditions.
Reporter: Are these the same conditions?
Trump: I haven’t read either statement yet.
And so it goes until 4:45 the next morning, at which point it’s rinse and repeat.
Trump: Iran has once again agreed to surrender.
Iran: We are blocking this number.
Political historians may one day struggle to explain the unique diplomatic strategy employed by President Trump during the Iran conflict.
Traditionally, negotiations involve two parties communicating with one another.
Trump appeared to have simplified the process by removing the second party altogether.
The result was a diplomatic spectacle unlike any in modern history: a peace process in which only one participant appeared aware that peace has broken out.
Also by Roswell
America’s in another war. Let’s sit this one out.
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Everything TACO Trumpery touches turns immediately to manure. If his lips are moving then he is probably lying …..or fantasising in his geriatric, demented mind while forgetting the initial thought …..
Now where are the Epstein files up to today??
Well done, Roswell, in giving us a view, an aspect, a line for further observation and examination, for this hints at possibilities in assessing the orange orifice’s sex life, business life, wife life, even bowel “life.” A totality of failed existence astounds in the reviews possible, of this immensely failed inhuman stoolburst of stupidity.
It has gotten to the stage where I wake up early just read the latest Trumpy lie about Iran then yawn mightily and go back to sleep. To paraphrase “Oh! What a Lovely War” for this year:
“Oh! Another a Loony TACO”
Now I feel like watching “Oh! What a Lovely War”
Oh yes, even https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbRyH6fkee0 is more exciting than listening to Dipshit Donnie.
On my reckoning he has stopped about 100 wars now!
Maybe by the end of next week it will be up 110!