“Waiter! There’s a Trump in my soup!”

Once upon a time our unis were full of middle class poseurs wearing Che Guevara tee-shirts who were all airily declaring that ‘everything is political, man.’ Much has changed, today our unis are full of middle class poseurs wearing Palestinian headscarves who are all airily declaring that ‘everything is political, man.’

Being against colonial oppression, just like disfavoring state sponsored genocide, is a no-brainer. However, such an observation does not really serve to explain either the tee-shirts or the headscarves. Rather than jumping instantly into advocating for Marxist revolution, I am sure that it did occur to most of the tee-shirt wearing brigade that free and fair elections and the establishment of a democracy might be a far easier route. Similarly, many who are wearing headscarves are no doubt far more in favor of not killing people than bloody revolution. In fact, I would suggest that the main reason that university students wear Che Guevara tee-shirts and wear Palestinian headscarves is because it really annoys a lot of people that they really like annoying.

Especially as these days all the dissent at universities in Aus is simply playacting for a camera. Not for want of real concern, but rather time and resources. Long ago the unis in Australia were effectively defanged by turning them into corporations. They are now obliged to make a profit. Students have become clients who are paying hefty fees for a degree. Also, because access to university is now an expensive service, the curricula in all subjects has been compressed and simplified. All the ‘superfluous dross’ such as philosophy, ethics, history, and critical thinking has been stripped away.

In the twenty-first century our universities have become sleek and beautiful learning machines, pumping out graduates that are particularly trained to operate in our fast-paced modern world. But even so, those students who are not yet entirely brain dead and soulless will protest against the genocidal actions of a theocratically inclined foreign government. They are not yet ‘sophisticated’ enough to be able to allow the deaths of tens of thousands of civilians to just slide. Thus, some carefully timetabled protests will occur. Which suits everyone.

It provides the scribes working for right-wing newspapers with a wonderful target for their outrage and horror. It provides right-wing politicians with a stereotypical image that they can lambaste and rant about. And for the students, these modest bits of kit allow them to scare the bejesus out of right-wing politicians and acolytes; and it only takes a moment to whip on the required get-up, have a bit of a jump up and down in front of the cameras, and still make it to the afternoon lecture.

But for all this tomfoolery there is no escaping the reality that the right-wing run our universities. They won the battle years ago. The relative success of these institutions is now measured in dollars and cents. Yet those who run these institutions are nevertheless still obliged to maintain the pretense that they are a small clique of sane and exasperated administrators working in the public interest. That they are holding back a tide of dangerous teacher and student ideologues, who are eternally agitating on behalf of the complete annihilation of the capitalist system, the Christian church, western values, and the V8 engine. Which is all performance art. Everyone involved knows that this is a bullshit narrative from another century.

Nevertheless, just like yesterday, I woke up again this morning in a right-wing la-la land. The lead headline on the Australian was all about how a poor oppressed law student at Macquarie university was being forced to learn about Aboriginal and gay. There was not much about the four hundred dead civilians in Gaza overnight, or the high explosive bombs that are currently being ‘deployed’ to ‘root out the last of the Hamas terrorists’. Which is probably a good thing as it may have detracted from my growing outrage at Macquarie university. Fancy trying to force a law student to consider a range of alternative arguments?

The reality is that we are currently in an age where the robber barons have returned and have not only taken over the universities and our media but are openly agitating on behalf of fascism, ably assisted by all the best PR firms available. And so, after half a century of light but persistent propagandizing, they have convinced a huge swathe of the population that the enemy of the working man is the government, not their boss. In fact, they have convinced this segment of the population that the government is stopping all of the rich people from turning our planet into an absolute paradise for everyone; all because the nasty Government is made up exclusively of Marxist communist gay greenies who live in the inner city and hate Jesus and America/Australia.

But with all of that being said, as I have been employed by a university and would like to be employed again at some time in the future, then I have to take a very public stand about these matters. Thus, I would like to courageously suggest that Donald Trump is 100% correct about everything. Even the stuff I don’t understand. He is perfectly correct to say that if all of the nasty academics, and government, and legal people, would just get out of the way, then everybody would be rich. But this will not happen until Australia becomes the fifty-second state of the United States. I duly attest in public that the truth of these statements is so obvious that they shine in the dark.

Moreover, I have been reliably informed that after Donald Trump’s third term as President we will not even need universities. Instead, we will all go back to the master and apprentice system. Plus, instead of news about Donald Trump being suppressed, we will finally be able to get our fill of information about this great leader. That really is something to look forward to. Hurrah!

Additionally, if we are especially blessed, then pretty soon most of the quality tertiary institutions will begin offering a four-year degree in Trump. So, all those students who had been planning on a degree in the law will be able to fill the void with a BA in Trump Studies. When this happens, at last our universities will be free of ideological garbage and politics. Hip hip hooray.

In closing, I would like to be on the record as saying once again that I have never, and will never, agitate on behalf of anything that Mr Trump thinks is not right and proper. Retrospectively even. On the record.

Err… Good night. If I am allowed, I may be back next week. If I am not, then it is probably because I fell out of a window, or got hit by a truck. So do not be alarmed by any sudden absence. People fall out of windows all the time. Trucks are everywhere. Shit happens. So, I’m off.

Heil Trump

(sigh)

Dear reader, we need your support

Independent sites such as The AIMN provide a platform for public interest journalists. From its humble beginning in January 2013, The AIMN has grown into one of the most trusted and popular independent media organisations.

One of the reasons we have succeeded has been due to the support we receive from our readers through their financial contributions.

With increasing costs to maintain The AIMN, we need this continued support.

Your donation – large or small – to help with the running costs of this site will be greatly appreciated.

You can donate through PayPal or credit card via the button below, or donate via bank transfer: BSB: 062500; A/c no: 10495969