The Trump Family Cinematic Universe

Fresh from the record-shattering box office success of Melania – a film seen by dozens, emotionally processed by none, and forgotten by breakfast – the studio has announced an ambitious new franchise: a feature film for every major member of the Trump family. One film per member. One motivation per soul. (Bonus: Cameos by forgotten cousins who show up just to nod approvingly.)

Each movie, we’re told, will explore what drives them in life. This is bold. Introspective, even. Like staring into a gold-plated mirror and seeing only enemies. The centerpiece, naturally, is the president’s own film.

Vendetta

Starring Donald J. Trump

A dark psychological thriller about a man fueled entirely by grievance. There is no hero’s journey – only a series of perceived slights, imagined betrayals, and old enemies who stubbornly refuse to apologise for existing (or for that one time they didn’t retweet him).

The plot is simple: someone, somewhere, once laughed. At a roast. In 1987. Everything since then has been payback, including that weird tariff on Canadian cheese.

Trump spends the film fighting ghosts – journalists, judges, former aides, voters, facts – none of whom appear on screen, because they’re all “fake news” holograms. The true antagonist is accountability, portrayed as a shadowy figure in a pantsuit, whispering “subpoena” from the vents.

Tagline: If you’re not clapping, you’re conspiring. And if you’re clapping too softly, you’re next.

From there, the franchise expands like an unchecked ego.

Inheritance

Starring Donald Trump Jr

A tortured character study of a man chasing validation like it’s the last helicopter out of Saigon – or the last spot on a Fox News panel. He delivers impassioned speeches to empty rooms (his own words echoing back, slightly distorted, like a bad Zoom lag), mistakes volume for authority, and confuses loyalty with cranking the amp to 11.

The film repeatedly asks: What if he had to start from scratch?

It immediately cuts away, unwilling to commit such cruelty. (Cut to black. A single sad trombone plays off-screen.)

The central tension? Proving he earned what he was given – via endless montages of him yelling at teleprompters that refuse to applaud.

Spoiler: Unresolved. But in the post-credits scene, he finally gets a “like” from @realDonaldTrump… from 2012.

Compliance

Starring Eric Trump

An experimental film with almost no dialogue, shot in black-and-white for that extra layer of “huh?” Eric is told to stand. He stands. He’s told to sign. He signs a blank page. The camera lingers for long stretches as he waits patiently for instructions that will never fully explain what’s happening, occasionally blinking like a loading screen.

There is no subtext. There is no text. Just a faint soundtrack of elevator music.

Film students will praise its brutal realism. Audiences will check their watches. Eric? Still waiting.

The most honest film in the franchise. Also the shortest – it’s over before you realise it started.

Brand

Starring Ivanka Trump

Shot entirely in flattering light (with a filter that auto-airbrushes ethics), this is a lifestyle fantasy masquerading as a moral journey. Ivanka glides through scenes about empowerment, ethics, and women’s leadership, never touching the ground long enough for consequences to attach – like a hoverboard over a minefield of scandals.

The film adapts subtly depending on the audience: progressive in theory (cue yoga poses in the Oval Office), obedient in practice (cut to silent nodding at family dinners).

The message is clear: Principles are strongest when they’re optional, like those “vegan” shoes made from imported conflict leather.

The film insists she is “different.” It never explains how. Instead, it ends with a product placement for her new line of “Empowered Silence” perfumes.

Succession

Starring Barron Trump

The quiet outlier. A coming-of-age film about a boy growing up inside a storm he didn’t summon, like being the only normal kid at a clown convention. There are moments of awkward normality – school (online, to avoid paparazzi), basketball (with a hoop that’s suspiciously gold-rimmed), silence – that feel almost radical by comparison.

A reminder that some people are trapped in stories they did not write, complete with a dream sequence where he imagines a life as a pro gamer, far from the family crest.

The only character whose silence feels appropriate. The audience briefly experiences empathy, then remembers this is a franchise built on extraction, not reflection – and checks Twitter for memes.

The credits roll early. Even the film wants out. Barron? He’s already logged off.

Algorithm

Starring Jared Kushner

A cautionary tale about a man who believes proximity to power equals competence, like thinking you’re a chef because you stood next to a microwave. Jared approaches diplomacy the way a venture capitalist approaches a distressed asset: strip it down, ignore the humans, and sell the idea as innovation (e.g., a Middle East peace plan that’s basically “What if we just drew new lines on a map?”).

Every failure is rebranded as “complexity.” Every catastrophe is a learning experience – for someone else, preferably in a different time zone.

Bonus scene: He tries to “disrupt” a Rubik’s Cube and ends up gluing it together.

The Family (Finale)

The crossover event, where the whole clan unites like Avengers, but for tax audits. Loyalty replaces truth. Image replaces reality. Victimhood replaces responsibility. Every character insists they are persecuted while holding the camera, the microphone, the law – and a grudge from 2016.

There is no villain, because no one is ever to blame. (Except maybe Joe Biden or Barack Obama.)

The audience leaves unsettled – not because the story is dark, but because it is familiar. And because the theatre charges $20 for a “premium” seat that’s just a regular one with gold trim.

Satire exaggerates, yes. But the truly savage joke is that this franchise doesn’t feel fictional enough to be escapism. It feels like a documentary with better lighting – and fewer fact-checks.

Keep Independent Journalism Alive – Support The AIMN

Dear Reader,

Since 2013, The Australian Independent Media Network has been a fearless voice for truth, giving public interest journalists a platform to hold power to account. From expert analysis on national and global events to uncovering issues that matter to you, we’re here because of your support.

Running an independent site isn’t cheap, and rising costs mean we need you now more than ever. Your donation – big or small – keeps our servers humming, our writers digging, and our stories free for all.

Join our community of truth-seekers. Donate via PayPal or credit card via the button below, or bank transfer [BSB: 062500; A/c no: 10495969] and help us keep shining a light.

With gratitude, The AIMN Team