In an era of bold leadership and unprecedented achievement, one man’s visage can no longer be confined to the traditional halls of fame. First, he wanted his face on Mount Rushmore. Then, he set his sights on a coin. But why think so small? In a move that has stunned pundits and thrilled patriots, President Trump has announced a plan for total perceptual saturation. It’s no longer about a place on the currency; it’s about the currency, the country, and the cosmos.
The following official press release and subsequent details outline the groundbreaking “Patriotic Image Total Coverage Act.”
The Official Press Release
“After the tremendous success of my administration, the greatest in history, it has become clear that the American people need a constant, stable, and beautiful reminder of who made it all possible. So, I am implementing a new policy, the ‘Patriotic Image Total Coverage Act.’ It’s the best act. Everyone says so. My face will now be on… the lot. Why have a little when you can have it all? It’s going to be yuge.”
What “The Lot” Actually Includes
Currency: All of it. Not just coins. Pennies, nickels, dimes – his face is on both sides. The $20 bill? It’s just three different angles of his face.
Stamps: The “Forever Trump” stamp is the only option for mail, with a special “Executive Edition” that costs $10 and is, according to sources, “so much better than the regular stamp.”
Government Property: Every police car, every fire truck, every mailbox, and every single page of every government website. The “loading” icon on IRS.gov is now a spinning golden “T.”
Consumer Goods: By executive order, his face is subtly woven into the fabric of all Levi’s jeans, printed on every egg, and appears as a watermark on all pizza boxes.
Infrastructure: A subtle (but not that subtle) granite inlay of his profile on every mile of interstate highway. Every manhole cover is a newly minted bronze bust.
The Digital Sphere: A mandatory browser extension that places a small, translucent image of him smiling approvingly in the corner of your screen during any online financial transaction.
Nature Itself: A permanent, cloud-seeding program ensures that, on sunny days, the clouds occasionally arrange themselves into a likeness visible from three states away.
Every McDonald’s Happy Meal box: A natural fit. His face would be there, winking, with the caption, “You’re gonna love it. Believe me.”
Bottles of Trump Water: The label is just his face, with an expression of ultimate purity. “It’s the clearest water. Some say it’s the best water in the history of water.”
The Surface of a Giant Comet: As it swings by Earth every 75 years, it will flash his face, reminding future generations of this golden age.
On the Moon: Forget a plaque; a massive, laser-etched portrait on the face of the moon, visible with a good telescope. “So the aliens know who to call for the best deals.”
The Washington Monument: A giant, wraparound vinyl print. It would be the world’s tallest selfie.
A Line of “Executive Time” Watches: The entire watch face is his face, with his hair acting as the hour and minute hands.
The Google Search Bar: A tiny, persistent icon in the corner, offering to “search for the best results, something the other guys can’t do.”
And this biggie: The Shroud of Mar-a-Lago. A sacred linen bearing the inexplicable and glorious likeness of Donald Trump. It is a testament not to suffering, but to unparalleled success and energy.
And one final, fitting addition:
Toilet Paper: For the ultimate “draining the swamp” experience.
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Where can I buy the toilet paper?
The dunny paper would be truer to life if the face was bright orange and he had his mouth open to receive the result of the previous nights curry.
Reminds me of the story of two young women who, on visiting the Vatican, were looking at buying a crucifix pendant from the Vatican ‘Merch’ shop. They couldn’t make up their minds whether to buy the straight crucifix or the one with ‘the little man’ on it.
Now they have a further choice, to have one with the visage of a dodgy New York real-estate developer!
Hollywood, I mean Trumpywood to the Whitehouse!
You’re thinking too small; this needs to go global – the World Acknowledging (its) New King Act should already be written and instituted by the UN.
Delusions of grandeur and megalomania on steroids!
Every minuscule mention and embellishment will be erased, such is the bodily reaction of most human beings.
I like the concept, the face of Trump everywhere would be a reminder of what can happen if the electorate doesn’t take their role seriously. The fact that it is estimated some 90 million Americans failed to vote, says what about the public’s interest?
Sadly, I feel the same apathy is creeping into the Australian electorate, it’s an apathetic various.
Holy moly, I thought you were serious. I couldn’t think of any bad words to say without being banned!
Thanks Roswell: Royalty has returned to the USA in the Trump era. Perhaps President Trump wants another ride in his favourite couch as Windsor Castle. Commitment to unanointed royalty has become the flavour of mainstream politics across the so-called representative democracies: In the Czech Republic, Basis is back to add another Trump loyalist to the European line-up: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/oct/04/populist-billionaire-andrej-babis-wins-czech-parliamentary-election
Back in Oz after a fortnight in the enforced company of ~2,200 fellow shipboard skippers, most of them American geriatrics. Most interesting to be a fly on the wall in the company of these dodderers, to hear utterances such as ‘I don’t listen to any news outside of America,’ and, ‘I think he’s (Trump) doing a good job,’ and, ‘He’s done very well, just made a $180 million increase in his stock position,’ and, ‘Bar man, another white wine please,’ (at 7.30 in the morning). Ah yes, the good ol’ gals, fruits of the American loins, hopeless alcoholics in their middle ages, drinking their quiet existential despairs into oblivion.
All door handles will replaced by life size reproductions of The Donalds genitals (gilded of course). Every person will be supplied with tweezers to turn the handle.
Best not ask which part of his body peepholes in doors will be made to resemble.
@GL
Thankyou! – one of the best laughs I’ve had in the last few days
Welcome back, Canguro.
While you were away we published two articles by a Chinese journalist on his county’s culture and traditions, fyi.
Skippy, I can’t believe you took a holiday on a floating Petri dish!!
Glad you survived old mate.
A new era of unanointed political elites is certainly emerging as humanity heads into the late 2020s especially in those bastions of representative government across the NATO countries.
I watched the movie Good Bye, Lenin on SBS recently about the social impact of German Unification and the elimination of the GDR. Good Bye, Lenin! is, at its heart, a meditation on how we navigate profound change. It finds comedy and heartbreak in the human need to protect a loved one—and, by extension, to preserve a comforting, though heavily idealized, memory of the past. Its legacy is the gentle reminder that political transitions, no matter how ideologically driven, are ultimately processed at the level of the home, the family, and the individual human heart.
Advocates of change should emphasis the path ahead which is sometimes unpredictable.
Gorbachev thought he was bringing peace to Europe but look what happening on the Continent today as far-right leaders beg for more missiles from President Trump.
The GDR is economically and socially depressed and a bastion for the far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD).
AfD is a notch ahead of the CDU’s Friedrich Merz in current polling and well ahead in the most depressed parts of the old GDR.
Our legitimate criticisms of the drift to fascism in many countries must be counted by an emphasis on inspirational alternatives.
Keep up the great work, Roswell!
Thanks Michael, good to be back in Oz. Can report that Norway and Iceland were fab, Edinburgh would have been great except for major snafu in tendering ~2,000 people off ship to shore thus limiting in-city time from the putative nine hours to just three. Royal Mile, Holyrood, Edinburgh Castle, alas, no whiskey tastings.
And thanks also, Steve; we were petri dish risk aware; ship’s crew insisting on hand sanitation repeatedly. One helicopter offshore medivac, reason undisclosed but given the number of really old and clearly infirm passengers it could have been any one of a list of age-related conditions.
As a plant & tree person of many years the highlights were the botanic gardens up north and Kew Gardens in London, wonderful all.
Excellent comment from Social Democrat.
Incl this — “Our legitimate criticisms of the drift to fascism in many countries must be countered by an emphasis on inspirational alternatives.”
Hence the value of Sue Barrett’s article Every Solution Begins With A Conversation…
We must start talking about alternatives or the aimless drift will continue.
Yes, Steve, it was a great comment by Social Democrat. I particularly liked his last sentence.
He won the election, but still has to form a coalition……