By Helen Reynolds
Well, I sat through it. I watched the entire, record-breaking marathon. By the end, I felt like I’d aged a term and a half myself. President Trump’s latest State of the Union address was less a report to the American people and more a two-hour victory lap through a funhouse mirror maze, complete with some detours into a very strange alternate reality.
Let’s break down the Greatest Hits from an evening that was, to borrow a phrase, “roaring like never before” – even if the roaring was mostly from the empty seats on the Democratic side.
The Economy According to MAGA-World
President Trump declared that under his watch, “inflation is plummeting” and the economy is “roaring.” He painted a picture of such widespread prosperity that you half-expected a 2008-era CGI eagle to fly through the chamber and deposit a 401(k) statement onto every lawmaker’s desk. (See footnote).
Now, fact-checkers have noted that while inflation has cooled, it was actually on a downward trend before he took office, and food prices are still climbing faster than a Secret Service agent after a heckler. But why quibble with details? He also took credit for the stock market hitting record highs, neglecting to mention that markets in Canada, Japan, and the UK have performed even better. Apparently, in Trump’s America, we’re winning so much we’re coming in fourth place.
He then dropped a number so large it needs its own postcode: $18 trillion in new investments. That’s more than twice what his own White House press office tallies and includes pledges from countries with less GDP than the promised investment, like writing a cheque for a mansion when you live in a studio apartment.
A Love-Hate Relationship with the Supreme Court
There was a moment of genuine tension when the President acknowledged the Supreme Court justices, only four of whom showed up. After recently calling them an “embarrassment,” Trump pivoted to a statesmanlike “disappointing” and “unfortunate” regarding their ruling against his tariffs.
It was the diplomatic equivalent of muttering “bless their hearts” after calling someone a no-good scoundrel. He then announced he’d just use a different, never-before-used law to do the same thing, which is the executive branch equivalent of your kid finding a new hiding spot for the cookie jar after you took the old one away.
A Bipartisan Evening of… Shouting?
You know it’s a night of unity when one side of the aisle is mostly empty, and the few Democrats who showed up spent the evening being escorted out. Representative Al Green of Texas was removed for the second year in a row, this time for holding a sign reading, “Black people aren’t apes!” – a pointed reference to a racist video the President had posted on social media. It was a silent protest that spoke volumes, at least until the “USA” chants drowned it out.
Meanwhile, Representative Ilhan Omar and the President got into a shouting match that would make a reality TV producer weep with joy. When Trump alleged fraud in Minnesota’s Somali-American communities, Omar shouted, “That’s a lie, you’re a liar!” Trump shot back, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” It was a moment of raw, unfiltered discourse that was somehow both shocking and completely on-brand.
At one point, Trump commanded everyone to stand if they believed the government’s first duty is to protect American citizens. Republicans sprang up like they were on springs. Democrats stayed seated. The President looked at the split screen, shook his head, and offered his diagnosis: “These people are crazy. I’m telling you. They’re crazy.” It was less a State of the Union and more a state of total gridlock, captured in a single, stunning camera shot.
Foreign Policy: The One-Man Peace Wave
On the world stage, Trump claimed he “ended eight wars” in just a few months. This is news to the people in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where fighting continues, and to India, which insists Trump had nothing to do with de-escalating their conflict with Pakistan. Apparently, in this universe, Trump’s stare is so powerful it can stop a tank shell mid-flight.
He even claimed that if not for him, “35 million people would have died” in an India-Pakistan nuclear war, and that the Prime Minister of Pakistan specifically would have perished. It’s an oddly specific and utterly unverifiable number, but it paints a vivid picture: Trump as the sole, bronzed lifeguard of the entire planet, pulling drowning world leaders from the nuclear deep end one by one.
The Hockey Stick and the Presidential Blarney Stone
In a movie-like moment, the gold-medal-winning U.S. men’s hockey team descended from the press gallery, leading to raucous chants of “USA!”. Trump then announced that goalie Connor Hellebuyck (thank you, Google, for helping me with the spelling) would receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In a fit of fact-checking pedantry, the New York Times noted that while Hellebuyck’s performance was amazing, he stopped 41 shots, not the 46 the president mentioned. It was a perfect, tiny metaphor for the whole evening: a great story, with just a few of the facts slightly… iced.
In the end, after nearly two hours, Trump concluded that America is in a “golden age.” He had bragged, he had complained, and he had presented a reality where up is down, black is white, and a 1.7% inflation rate feels like winning the lottery.
It wasn’t just a speech; it was a performance. And like any great performance, you left the theatre not quite sure what was real and what was just a really, really elaborate prop. The only thing we know for certain is that it was the longest. And for Donald Trump, in the golden age of America, that might just be the only fact that matters.
Footnote: If, like me, you don’t know what a 401(k) is, Google tells me it’s an employer-sponsored retirement savings plan.
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Dogshit Donald and his blistered bratwurst are up for show.., get a microscope, and, more lies per minute flooded the arena than runaway diarrhoea. This swollen turd lies, exaggerates, inflates and then starts again, a mad escapee from the asylum in search of shiteared serfs and slaves to say “yassir.” Civilised behaviour is now dead in Yankmydoodleitsadandy land. Shit is Art and Trump is King of Kings, in a crevice of his sick corroding skull. The USA has gone suicidedly NUTS.
There can be no doubt, Trump is a sick man. However, those who stood, clapped and cheered his address are even sicker. One can’t help but feel for those sane USA citizens.
I had more entertainment watching Vance’s facial expressions during Trump’s waffle. They had the “I’m confused by your bullshit” look about them.
An inflation rate of 1.7% is pretty good. Presumably it’s because the tariffs have raised prices, and wages are so low, that the vast mass of people who aren’t Republican lickspittles can no long buy anything.
So the geriatric, demented, over-medicated, declining, convicted sex offender PPOTUS (Pederast Protector of the United States) was gifted almost two hours to lie through his teeth about how the US economy is going down the toilet. No mention about his ”wonderful” relationship with Canada and Europe, no mention of the USUKA sub rip-off created by COALition PM Scummo of the five Secret Ministries and unnecessarily continued by Retched Mediocrity the so-called Minister of Defence.
Now there are some Australian fools who want a TACO Trumpery Grand Tour of Australia to promote the merits of ETHNIC CLEANSIING IN THE GAZA GENOCIDE and MAGA Christian Zionism before the next feral elections in 2028 ….. Won’t Porelein be happy!!
Meanwhile back in Canberra, the LIARBRAL$ have sunk further and are now only one percent (1%) above the Greens and INDEPENDENTS in the News Ltd popularity poll. Such a fitting result, and we look forward to the Greens & INDEPENDENTS increasing their following as we move irrevocably towards the next feral elections.
I tried to watch it but when he started talking about the price of eggs I thought ‘there’s nothing here for me’.
I am told that his promise (in January) of a ten percent cap on credit card interest rates for twelve months was not mentioned yet it had been the key item on his economic agenda. Did it fall off the teleprompter – anybody know ??
I just cannot fathom why our obviously terrified (by the USA and Israevil) Prime Monster Albasleazy and his cabinet of sycophants would want to have anything to do with the USA and its Bullshitter in Chief.
More like Dante’s descent into hell, no that I wasted my energy watching it, did not need to if you have been paying attention, and those if us on these pages have been paying attention.
Vance and Speaker Johnson were up and down like Jacks-in-a-box applauding Trump’s waffle – some have likened them to Ernie and Bert from the Muppets!