There was a time – not so long ago – when the office of President of the United States seemed a sufficiently demanding role. Nuclear codes, global alliances, the occasional domestic crisis. A full plate, you might think.
Not anymore.
In what can only be described as a remarkable outbreak of geopolitical multitasking, Donald Trump has recently expanded the scope of his ambitions well beyond the traditional constraints of nation, constitution, or reality.
Take Iran, for example. According to the President, Iranian leaders have floated the idea of him becoming their next Supreme Leader. It’s a curious development. For decades, the Islamic Republic has resisted Western influence with near-theological rigidity – yet apparently, all it took was the right real estate developer from Queens to make them reconsider the entire ideological foundation of the state.
One imagines the internal debate in Tehran:
“Shall we continue our centuries-old religious governance model?”
“Or… hear me out… Trump?”
Then there’s Europe.
Trump has claimed that European Union leaders have, in effect, looked across the Atlantic and thought, “Yes, that man – he should be President of Europe.” This will no doubt come as news to European leaders themselves, many of whom are currently busy disagreeing with him on matters as trivial as war, diplomacy, and reality.
Still, it’s a touching thought. A continent of 450 million people, dozens of languages, and centuries of political complexity – quietly waiting for a single American strongman to step in and tidy things up.
And why stop there?
In a further display of linguistic optimism, Trump has reportedly suggested he could quickly learn Spanish and run for President of Venezuela – and win, of course. This is, on reflection, the most plausible of the claims – if only because it acknowledges one minor obstacle (language) before immediately dismissing it.
One can picture the campaign launch:
“Muchas gracias. Nobody speaks Spanish better than me. The best Spanish. Tremendous Spanish.”
Of course, this raises an obvious question: if Trump can be Supreme Leader of Iran, President of Europe, President of Venezuela and President of the United States, what’s left?
Australia, perhaps?
There was, after all, a moment a few years ago when the question – however jokingly – was asked whether Trump could be elected Prime Minister of Australia. It was dismissed at the time as absurd. A constitutional impossibility. A category error.
But that was before we learned that national borders, political systems, and basic plausibility are, in fact, optional.
At this rate, it may be prudent for the rest of the world to prepare.
Not diplomatically. Not militarily.
But administratively.
Because somewhere, in some future press conference, it seems entirely possible we will hear:
“I’ve had a lot of people – great people – come up to me and say, ‘Sir, have you considered becoming Secretary-General of the United Nations?’ And I said, you know, I hadn’t… but maybe I should.”
And honestly, at this point, who among us would even blink?
Update, 23/04/26
They’re still at it.
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Some observers are suggesting that Trump had planned to have invaded Cuba by now but it seems that he wants to bring that island to its knees economically before doing so.
My suggestion is just keep our heads down here in Australia and listen for the morning news when they announce, as they surely will, that Donald Trump has been admitted to hospital with various organ failures and will be unable to grace us with his presence anymore – Melania will announce, ‘don’t send flowers just money!’
Invest in companies producing bleach as there will be a high demand.
T rashbrain R ubbish U gly M erde minded P ooskulled, a world POX.
Donnie Little Brain makes Idi Amin look like a military and economic genius.
I’ve added an update at the bottom of the post. It amused me, and it was timely.
Isn’t Donnie the absolute apex alpha (I know there’s no such thing but it is Trumpyman we’re talking about here) of endless excuses and weakness?
It’s extortion under the name of the Presidency.