What is a dummy spit? A dummy spit is an Australian term describing the act of reacting to disappointment with disproportionate outrage.
Americans may know it as:
- A meltdown.
- A tantrum.
- A Truth Social post.
The Art of the Dummy Spit
An Advanced Guide to Losing Gracefully
By Donald J. Trump*
*(According to Donald Trump)
Introduction
For centuries, great leaders have responded to adversity with dignity, patience, and careful reflection.
This book explores a different approach.
Chapter 1: The Fundamentals
A successful dummy spit requires three essential ingredients:
- A perceived slight.
- A smartphone.
- Absolutely no waiting period.
Remember: if you think before posting, you’ve already failed.
Chapter 2: Capital Letters Save Lives
Studies show that ordinary words lack emotional impact.
For example:
Normal Person: “I disagree with the court’s decision.”
Advanced Practitioner: “THIS CORRUPT WITCH HUNT JUDGE IS DESTROYING AMERICA!!!”
Notice the increased use of capitals and exclamation marks.
This is known as Presidential Communication.
Chapter 3: The Victim Principle
No matter how powerful you are, always present yourself as the victim.
Examples:
- Billionaire victim.
- President victim.
- Celebrity victim.
- Golf course owner victim.
Advanced students may attempt all four simultaneously.
Chapter 4: Finding Someone Else to Blame
The beginner blames one person.
The master blames:
- The media (must include CNN).
- The courts.
- The Democrats.
- The Deep State.
- Windmills.
- Bruce Springsteen.
- Taylor Swift.
- Whoever was mentioned on television five minutes ago.
Chapter 5: Emergency Conspiracy Generation
When facts are unavailable, generate a conspiracy.
Formula:
Unpleasant Event + Random Enemy = Deep State Plot
Example:
Lost court case + Judge = Deep State Plot
Bad poll + Pollster = Deep State Plot
Rain on golf day + Weather Bureau = Deep State Plot
Chapter 6: The Strategic Nickname
Every opponent requires a nickname.
Examples include:
- Crooked Somebody
- Sleepy Somebody
- Crazy Somebody
- Radical Left Somebody
The nickname need not make sense.
It merely needs repetition.
Chapter 7: The Social Media Meltdown
The complete process:
- Receive bad news.
- Post immediately.
- Post again.
- Become angrier.
- Post in capitals.
- Threaten lawsuits.
- Declare victory.
This final step is critical.
No actual victory is required.
Chapter 8: Advanced Dummy Spitting
Reserved for experts.
Topics include:
- Fighting with judges.
- Fighting with governors.
- Fighting with allies.
- Fighting with your own supporters.
- Fighting with billionaires who were your friends last week.
Chapter 9: The Elon Musk Case Study
An entire chapter devoted to the remarkable journey from:
“Elon is a genius.”
to
“Elon is a disaster.”
and possibly back again by next Tuesday.
Final Examination
You are President of the United States.
A court rules against you.
Do you:
A) Respect the ruling.
B) File an appeal.
C) Release a carefully considered statement.
D) Post 47 messages before breakfast.
If you answered D, congratulations.
You have achieved a Master of Dummy Spitting.*
*Fees apply
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Oh, very well done Roswell, my respect for your sarcasm remains undiminished.In fact I’m jealous.
It’ll be a beautiful day when the Trumpster inevitably implodes.Can’t be too soon.
Thank you, Harry.
I can’t take all the credit. My better half had a hand in this one.
International law experts say Donald Trump’s threats to destroy Iran’s civilian infrastructure—such as power plants and bridges—could constitute war crimes, including collective punishment and targeting protected civilian infrastructure, which are prohibited under international humanitarian law and the Geneva Conventions.
That is correct, Jerry.