President Trump has been busy putting his name or face on anything that doesn’t move: airports, bridges, arts centres, coins, banknotes, and government buildings over four stories tall. He has now gone global and The AIMN stood out prominently on his radar.
Exciting times ahead
The Australian Independent Media Network is proud to announce that, following extensive negotiations, we have reached an agreement in principle to sell the naming rights of the publication.
Effective immediately, and subject only to legal formalities, we will become:
The President Donald J. Trump One Big Beautiful Independent Media Network
The fee of US$5 million will enable us to continue delivering fearless journalism while also installing several gold-plated flagpoles and replacing our ageing office furniture with tasteful faux-marble décor.
Negotiations have been conducted on our behalf by AIMN stalwarts Rossleigh and Roswell, with Eric Trump and Jared Kushner representing the purchaser. We are pleased to report that discussions have been cordial, although there remains one sticking point: Mr Trump insists his name should appear in a larger font than the masthead itself.
In an exciting editorial restructure, Mar a Lago pin-up girl Laura Loomer has accepted the role of Managing Editor.
Her first editorial directive reportedly includes:
- replacing all fact-checking with “gut instinct”;
- introducing compulsory capital letters for the words “BIG BEAUTIFUL”;
- ensuring every article contains at least one reference to the greatest economy in history;
- and requiring that any criticism of the President be accompanied by a written apology.
The style guide is also being revised. Words such as “evidence”, “context” and “accountability” will now appear in italics to indicate they are optional.
Readers concerned that AIMN has abandoned its editorial independence need not worry.
We remain fully committed to independent journalism.
The only difference is that every article will conclude with the words:
“Many people are saying this is the greatest article ever written. Strong people. Smart people. Everyone agrees.”
We thank our loyal readers for their continued support during this exciting transition.
Disclaimer: Should any part of this announcement appear unbelievable, you may be reassured that it was written on a day when reality briefly took a coffee break.
Keep Independent Journalism Alive – Support The AIMN
Dear Reader,
Since 2013, The Australian Independent Media Network has been a fearless independent voice – holding power to account and delivering journalism that matters.
Running this site isn’t cheap. Rising costs mean we need your support now more than ever. Every donation, big or small, keeps our servers running, our writers working, and our stories free for everyone.
Donate here:
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We’ve also set up a GoFundMe as a dedicated reserve fund for hosting and future improvements.
Thank you for standing with us. We couldn’t do this without you.
With gratitude,
The AIMN Team
For a moment there……
I welcome this BIG BEAUTIFUL new direction for our glorious gold-plated Organ of Record.
I would like to thank the editorial board for stepping down and appointing Malcolm Roberts as ‘News Guru’. A wise choice given the treasonous scum that commonly read this FAKE NEWS SITE.
Moreover, the inclusion of bible verses immediately below the masthead is obviously the result of a Trumpian Miracle! I thank the good orange lord that I have lived to see such glory.
I am currently composing my heartfelt letters of apology to our Bronzed God, which may take me some months. (In accord with the stipulated regulations I will provide notice of the date of my public castration as soon as I receive it from the Office of De-Wokification.)
Many people, including some who live on planet earth, are saying this is the greatest article ever written. Maybe the best article that any human can write. Strong people say this! Smart people. Good looking people!
[Account details to follow]
Dr JiMM
Good photo at the top there, looks like he might have leaned too heavily on a fart.Mind you , he does wear nappies, but he needs one on his mouth for all the shit he talks.
Can’t wait for him to drop dead. mid lie.
As for tinfoil hat Roberts,he’s a certified fucking idiot,which makes him the perfect fit for hatchet face’s party of half wits.
CC. to sty news.
President Bratwurst-Basher deserves a prize, perhaps for natural gas by Macca’S synthesis. His pikky with Miss Tasty Tart, sour, dour and loaded with the famous trump insanity power, is a brekky losing upchuck moment. Bratwurst-Basher is a language assassin, with a need now for Russian to flourish. In fact, what is Russian for “amusing deadshit”?, Vlad’s joke? That joke is the world’s curse.
That is so great, I look forward to an abundance of fiction, lies and alternative facts on this site. Will there be merch, like orange face paint and blond quiffs?
I note with immense satisfaction that Pauline Hanson has addressed the London CPAC conference and managed to thrill a gathering of 120 people (including cleaners and bouncers).
Perhaps Pauline could become an honorary mascot for AIMN, you know, like some military regiments adopt a goat as their mascot…..
Watch out for a name change: Australian Independent Moaning Network
PS: There will be free testosterone for the boys: https://www.facebook.com/reel/2808119552901471
I forgot to mention…
Rossleigh and Roswell were meant to negotiate for a $5 million monthly fee, instead of a one-off $5 million for naming rights.
They let the team down. I’ll deal with them later.
Well I did tell you to send in Phil Pryor and Kathryn to do the negotiating on behalf of The AIMN, but nooooo, you wouldn’t listen.
btw, we were doing well until Rossleigh caved in.
Strong people, smart people, with tears (of laughter) in their eyes …
This is going to be difficult. I’m currently in over my head on another writing project and just can’t spare the keyboard time to compose a letter of apology for not kissing the Big Bronzed Arse this morning before diving into said project. Do you accept IOUs?
Uhm ….. AIMN?? Isn’t that the ”All Idiots Making Nothing” website for the New England branch of the NOtional$, the party you have when you want nothing done.
Oops!! Not THAT one!! Perhaps it is ”All Individuals Making News”??
Michael, does commenting on this thread receive a TACO cap as a reward??
NEC, I still have a few Workchoices mouse pads somewhere – leftovers from Little Johnie Howard’s days. They’d be an ideal prize.
leefe, part of the $5 million includes a bad debt write-off, so you can keep your money.
I can spare $1.00 (heck, I might even be able to go to $2.00). Surely that should be enough to let me post a four word comment once a month in the future?
This is so exciting. Bit pissed off though that TheAimn was so terribly betrayed by Rossleigh and Roswell. YOu wanted $5 million a month Michael? Did that include TheAimn brand Crypto too – a small photo of Trump’s hands would make a wonderful insignia, perhaps focussing on the one finger that he has used to do so much good for himself and harm for the world.
No crypto, David. Instead, I had intended to give $1 million a month to my favourite AFL player to keep him at the club.
Well, if this was some kind of advertorial for plastic surgery, judging by that photo we can all look forward to an excellent load of dribble in future, or should I say dribbling an excellent load in future.
With the apparent victim of botched facial surgeries (shamelessly stolen from The Grayzone) in charge of editing, I guess I can shelve my treatise on ‘Islam: the road to peace and tranquility’ then?
As one of the treasonous scum, I’d like to register an objection to JiMM for leaving out ‘obnoxious’ in that description – some of us have worked long, not very hard but long, to achieve that characterization, and a little recognition from time to time wouldn’t go astray – lift your game JiMMbo.
This is surely the best article ever (I’d do anything to join any group going around, even if it is only ‘some’. I will, however, draw the line at any freebie with the plastic surgeon(s) in question if that is to ever be some kind of reward for posting on here – don’t even think about it.
All criticisms based on mocking people (well, it was more like one person, as the other is obviously in an unnatural pose in that photo) for their looks are welcome, give it your best shot; just ask yourself doesn’t Trump deserve any and all mocking.
I’m of the opinion that it is a mistake to remove Trump’s name from these things he’s adding it to. Instead, the US should wait until he is out of office and then add ‘pedo protector’ or the like to those signs.
So, the John.F.Kennedy center could become ’The Donald J. Trump and other pedo protectors together with John F. Kennedy memorial center for performing arts’ or the ‘Donald J. Trump airport – pedophile protection guaranteed’.
Especially, if Trump lives that long. This, I believe, would give his victims some kind of closure knowing that Trump knows his legacy will be being known as a pedophile protector in perpetuity.
This is the greatest article ever written.
Do I get my Hungry Jacks voucher now that I’ve posted twice.
Thommo, you actually get a spin of the wheel, which one of our friendly assistants will spin on your behalf.
There are some great prizes to win, and some not-so-great. But let’s focus on the better ones: I see a new Tesla, a mansion on Darling Harbour, $1 million in gold bullion, a 35-day all expenses paid tour of Scandinavia, dinner for two at Maxims in Paris – including first class flights to and from France.
We will spin the wheel now and I’ll get back to you shortly.
Gosh this is exciting.
Great news. What a top spin.
You’ve won a dinner with Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump at a BYO restaurant of your choice in New York. Fares not included.
Start swimming.
I’d like to thank Mum and Dad, the sponsors, my forthcoming agent, Michael, Laura, Donald, the plastic surgeon(s) and of course AIMN for this fabulous gift.
Aaaahh, is that transferable? otherwise pass; by the time I finish swimming there Trump’ll be in position to make barnacles on a prune jokes at my expense and besides I’ve been practising my Slovenian accent for so long Eric would be too much of a disappointment to bear.
I’ll have it if you don’t want it, seeing as I am disqualified from the competition.
“…and requiring that any criticism of the President be accompanied by a written apology….”
Of course this is a good idea so that we can avoid Trumpian law fare.
Now that Albo has adopted and enshrined Julia Seagull’s official version of anti-Semitism that forbids us criticising Nertanyahuge’s Israel, I think it is time to adopt an official description of anti-Trumpism lest any wayward Aussie scribe step over the mark and write nasty stuff about narcissistic and sociopathic presidents of the greatest US of A. Unfortunately it is too late to have an anti-Stamper version but maybe Ursula Underlying should be considered just in case.
Such wonderful wit for a Monday morning!
You all leave me for dead in the writing stakes.
@ Thommo: You know the acronym ”POTUS” used as shorthand by some American sycophants for ”President of the United States?
Well, I wonder if a more accurate description of the present incumbent may not be ”PPOTUS” -Pederast Protector of them Undemocratic Sewer of Apartheid; and leave the POTUS title for the unelected leader of the GAZA GENOCIDE IN DOG’S NAME, Butcher Bibi and the amoral IDF; has a certain entertaining sound about it, like rockets, drones and cannon shells aimed into the concert audience for the pleasure of the billionaires club watching the growth of their profits in US NE Military Industrial Complex armaments manufacturers for a very safe distance.
“You’ve won a dinner with Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump at a BYO restaurant of your choice in New York.”
Michael, did you mention to the winner that “BYO restaurant” means that the recipient of the wondrous prize also has to supply the fully kitted out and staffed restaurant and several millions of dollars in a big suitcase to ensure that Donny Jr. and Eric attend the dinner?
Heather,
leave you for dead, never; there are those who say so much more with so much less, keep up the great work.