In a move that has sent shockwaves through Parliament House, Senator Jacinta Nampijinpa Price has dramatically quit the Nationals to join the Liberal Party, declaring it her “sacred duty” to rescue the floundering conservatives from “woke oblivion.”
The defection, announced via a fiery press conference backed by a suspiciously well-timed social media blitz, has left political insiders reeling – or at least pretending to (for the sake of click bait).
Price, known for her unapologetic conservatism and ability to make inner-city leftists break out in hives by sheer mention of her name, framed her departure as a “natural evolution.”
“The Nationals are the backbone of regional Australia, but the Liberals? They’re the spine – and right now, they’ve got the structural integrity of a soggy Weet-Bix,” she declared, in what may be the first recorded instance of a politician using breakfast cereal as a party metaphor.
“The Nationals were lovely, but I need to bring my A-game to the Liberals, who are currently about as inspiring as a stale damper [not to be confused with soggy Weet-Bix].” Her plan? To infuse the party with her signature blend of no-nonsense grit and flair, promising to “make the Liberals great again” – a phrase she insists is just a coincidence, not a nod to her MAGA hat photo that’s still haunting social media. Rumor has it she’s already drafted a manifesto titled “Back to the Bush: Liberal Edition,” complete with plans to audit Welcome to Country funding and replace it with something that won’t be announced – with costings – until after the next election.
The Nationals, left scratching their heads, issued a statement: “We wish Jacinta well, but we’re keeping the ute keys.”
Nationals leader David Littleproud, when asked for comment, offered a strained smile and muttered something about “respecting her decision” before hastily exiting stage left.
Price’s arrival comes at a dire time for the Liberals, a party currently resembling less a united movement and more a group chat where half the members have muted each other. Between moderates whispering about “modernisation” and the right flank demanding a return to “traditional values” (circa 1953), the party’s internal cohesion makes Game of Thrones look like a teamwork seminar.
One anonymous Liberal MP (read: every Liberal MP) confessed: “Look, we’re thrilled Jacinta is here. But if she thinks it is possible to ‘fix’ us without a time machine, tell her she’s dreamin’.”
Liberal ornament John Howard, however – still reeling from the election loss of his beloved party – welcomed her with open arms, muttering, “At least someone’s got a pulse around here.” Party insiders speculate Jacinta’s eyeing a leadership tilt, with some whispering she’s the “Menzies reincarnated” the party needs. Others, less charitably, call it a power grab, suggesting she’s less “rebuilding” and more “redecorating with dynamite.” Meanwhile, other senior Liberals oscillated between cautious optimism and sheer panic.
As expected, the commentariat lost no time in spinning the defection to fit pre-existing narratives:
Sky News: “A Conservative Warrior Heeds the Call! Leftists Tremble!”
The Guardian: “Price’s Move Signals Further Rightward Lurch for Already Moribund Liberals.”
ABC’s Insiders Panel: Five people talking over each other for 12 minutes.
On the ground, Territorians are split. Some cheer her bold move, seeing her as a warrior for practical change – others reckon she’s just stirring the pot for a reality TV spin-off, Survivor: Parliament House. Social media is ablaze with memes, from Jacinta riding a dune buggy into the Liberal party room to Angus Taylor handing her a toolbox labeled “Fix This Mess.” One post even quipped, “She’s the spark the Liberals need – or the match to burn it all down!”
What Now? A Prognosis
Can Price actually “rebuild” the Liberals? Political analysts suggest the challenges are… considerable.
Pros: She’s media-savvy, polarising (a plus in modern politics), and gives the Liberals a much-needed jolt of energy.
Cons: The party’s problems run deeper than branding – think “identity crisis meets demographic oblivion” – and no single MP, no matter how charismatic, can fix that overnight.
So, as the sun sets over the outback, Jacinta’s mission begins. Will she resurrect the Liberals or leave them a smoldering wreck? Stay tuned – this political soap opera’s got more twists than a dusty stock route!
Dear reader, we need your support
Independent sites such as The AIMN provide a platform for public interest journalists. From its humble beginning in January 2013, The AIMN has grown into one of the most trusted and popular independent media organisations.
One of the reasons we have succeeded has been due to the support we receive from our readers through their financial contributions.
With increasing costs to maintain The AIMN, we need this continued support.
Your donation – large or small – to help with the running costs of this site will be greatly appreciated.
You can donate through PayPal or credit card via the button below, or donate via bank transfer: BSB: 062500; A/c no: 10495969
Yep.
Sadly – in the spirit of the robust language of certain impolite unwoke circles who refer to JNP as a ‘coconut’ – this narcissistic ex-Nat is a traitorous rising star, having learned at her mother’s knee not merely the basic (un)principles of survival, but the material salvation that political power brings.
While hubris shall implode her star before long, the gold parked under the family mattress and the corporate job offers will make for a cosy life after politics. And all will be forgotten except by the indigenous communities to which she pledged her troth.
She doesn’t have much support amongst the urban indigenous folk I know and work with in Brisbane, and I seriously doubt that that will change with her “re-alignment”
She surely follows Trump in her espousal of sacred duty and being the libs sorely needed saviour. The rest of us just see delusions of grandeur .
Shock waves?
Hardly a ripple really.
I see that Jacinta is just headline hunting, the more divisive the headline the better it will suit her as she takes the Libs closer to the whirling eddy that leads to the drainpipe.
I don’t know about powerhouse, something outback house more appropriate. The Liberals will regret this, she is a time bomb, a not too bright narcissist and a very sore loser and a great hater.
Her self belief is delusional and she will split the Liberals into many pieces before she is done.
I bet most are hearing this news in horror and the Nationals are well rid of her.
My money is on she will never win a Lower House Seat, so they are stuck with their self created problem for 6 years. She can do no harm to Labor, but wow, look out the few Liberal leftovers, between her and Timmy Wilson, we are in for some fun times.
I like your suggestion, Sully. I’ll change the title.
New title: From Outback to Outhouse: Jacinta’s Liberal Reboot
Untalented for this type and level of politics, unaware, uncontrolled, unfettered, untruthful usually, unhappy permanently (??), unwanted really, unctuously unmuffled…but, indigenous matters need representation, any way.
Yep, a Taylor (Agus) made Headline, Roswell lol.
Jacinta:
I’m not sure how to tell you this, but “spine” and “backbone” are synonyms (that means “different words that mean the same thing”).
Levee, it’s Roswell’s interpretation of what she might say, not a quote (at least not one I’ve heard from her.
Also being a Territory Senator she has to stand every three years, doesn’t get six as State Senators do.
Finally, from me, she was a traitor to her race over the Voice and now a traitor to the Nats.
I reckon when she realises they are out of power for at least the next two terms she will accept a lucrative offer from some resources company which, like her, believes she is tapped into the Indigenous community. I predict both will come 7nstuck.
Leefe, this is satire. I wrote it.
Romeo, you picked it. “Spine” as in they need to grow one. Their spine is like a soggy Weet-Bix. In other words, they lack one.