Prime Minister Albanese’s trade visit to China was, by most normal accounts, a diplomatic effort to strengthen Australia’s economic ties with our largest trading partner. But to the conspiracy fringe, it was something far more sinister – a carefully choreographed, Great Wall-sized smokescreen.
According to social media theorists armed with poor grammar and too much time, the prime minister’s itinerary wasn’t about trade, diplomacy, or regional stability. No, no. It was about distracting the public from… well, no one can quite agree on what. But it’s definitely something nefarious. Obviously.
The Wall is a Warning (Or a Prop?)
The sight of Albanese walking along the Great Wall of China was enough to set online forums ablaze. “Symbolism!” cried one armchair analyst. “He’s signalling his allegiance to the Chinese Communist Party!” claimed another, adding that the bricks of the Wall secretly spell out “Globalism” if viewed from above.
Someone on X accused the PM’s fiancée, Jodie Haydon, of wearing “her mother’s curtains” during their visit to the Great Wall. In reality, it was a floral dress by a Chinese-Australian designer – diplomatic, understated, and apparently offensive to the interior décor crowd. As usual, the outrage came first. Facts arrived later. They were ignored.
But never let those facts get in the way of a cheap shot or a keyboard meltdown.
“Why is he spending so much time there?”
This was the refrain repeated by people who have never heard of multiday summits, trade negotiations, or time zones. One popular meme claims Albanese was “missing in action” for five days – while also appearing in photos and video footage every single day.
The same crowd who applauded Scott Morrison for disappearing to Hawaii during the bushfires are now demanding answers about why Albanese didn’t do a press conference from his hotel bathroom in Shanghai.
“Why did he take his fiancée?”
Apparently, the PM can’t even travel with his partner without triggering accusations. “Why would he bring her if it’s a trade trip?” asked one commenter, apparently unaware that diplomatic partners often attend official functions (and that it’s 2025, not 1925).
Of course, the conspiracy theories didn’t stop at that or the logistics.
And then there’s those who just want to complain on behalf of tax payers nationwide because it feels good, and clearly, an announcement too important to be buried under all that imaginary trade talk:
“He’s gay and she’s just a cover!”
This one really took off in fringe circles, gaining traction among those who’ve somehow confused diplomacy with a Netflix soap opera. The theory goes: Albanese is secretly gay, Jodie is a “deception,” and the trip to China was part of an elaborate ruse to throw the public off the scent. The lack of evidence, motive, or logic only made them more convinced.
These are, after all, the same people who once claimed Dan Andrews faked his back injury, that the COVID vaccine turns you into a Bluetooth device, and that wind turbines cause cancer.
An added bonus
I can’t ignore the role of Sky News. No, they’re not quite dabbling in conspiracy theories – at least not openly – but Albo’s trip to China certainly had them, and their ever-available guests (usually a Shadow Minister), in a state of high alarm. According to their coverage, the visit was apparently:
Raising questions about his priorities
Reality Check
In the real world, the prime minister was doing his job – working to improve Australia’s economic relationship with a major power, particularly after a tense few years of diplomatic strain. His fiancée joined him, as partners often do. And yes, they visited the Great Wall of China – because it’s a diplomatic and cultural landmark, not a subliminal message.
But for those lost down the rabbit hole, none of that matters. Because for them, everything is a conspiracy. Even trade deals. Even travel. Even love.
Also by Roswell:
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Sad, really, that the world is populated by so many drongos, fools, idiots; folk who promulgate juvenility, falsities, snarkiness and ideological attacks for no substantive reason, bullshit for clicks & giggles, lies, mistruths, the Steve Bannon flooding of the zone with shit.
Carl Linnaeus, the Swedish polymath who gifted humanity with binomial nomenclature, termed us Homo sapiens, wise man, and why not, as self-evidently he was one such creature. But wisdom today is in short supply. Children transform into adults but don’t mature emotionally or intellectually, instead remaining trapped in infantilism, immaturity, silliness, and worse, stupidity.
Albo goes to China. So he should, since getting close with the number one trading partner makes perfect sense. Besides, he’s the PM. he can do whatever he damn well wants to do. But apparently that’s cause for concern for the drongoes and click-baiters, those brain-dead mongoloids for whom smearing others has become as normalised as Vegemite on toast.
It took me quite a few years to realise that if you’re an idiot, by any rational analysis or perspective, whilst your condition is perfectly clear to those who observe you, for yourself, the condition is invisible, the self-realisation that I’m an idiot, and hence a problem to both myself and others, is denied. And therein lies a problem. Like compound interest, idiots are multiplying at an exponential rate across the globe. My personal take on this is that Steve Jobs, god bless his gifted soul, did both a huge service & a huge disservice to humanity with the invention of the smartphone, birthing as it eventually did a catastrophic drop in humanity’s attention span as well as a fascination with the trivial.
Mugwumps like little James Paterson think it’s appropriate to criticse Albanese for visiting the pandas in Chengdu. If it had been Morrison, he’d have prasied the initiative. Australian patriot, Jim Thom, whoever the hell he may be, perhaps some weirdo loner batting away at his keyboard, bashes out a post to X and sits back, complacently, satisfied that he’s made his point, which is, exactly, what? He doesn’t appreciate that the PM is on a mission to schmooze with the Chinese and deepen the relationship for the benefit of all Australians. No, instead, take a cheap shot, as idiots do, devoid of comprehension and ideologically buffered… again… if it was Morrison, Jim Thom would likely be saying ‘good job, Scomo.’ Australian Patriot, my arse. He’s an idiot. The pity of it all is that idiots like this guy have traction, whether here in Oz, or in the States, in Europe or the UK; this disease of idiocy has infected and infested a significantly large tranche of humanity. And we’re all the worse for it.
Conspiracy theorists, mainly clustered around the SKY News studios, cannot tolerate that Airbus Albo is not going to Washington to sit in a very crowded Oval Office and receive trade related crumbs and largesse from the table of a gracious dictator or be subject to an ambush as perpetrated on leaders from South Africa and Ukraine.
I wonder would Trump congratulate Albanese on his ability to communicate in English as he did with the Liberian President – Liberia is of course an English-speaking country !
Despite all this, our relationship with China has been resurrected after the damage done by Morrison. Our respective leaders treat each other with respect and we don’t get lectured to as would be the case in the White House.
Good job, Albo keep it up.
On a Clive side note: How terribly terrible for Tubaarse Paroxysm. I get the feeling that the password was 1234567890 and now it’s 0987654321, that’ll trick the hackers.
https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2025/jul/17/clive-palmer-trumpet-of-patriots-united-australia-party-data-breach-ransomware-attack-ntwnfb
HM’s loyal Opposition, the completely irrelevant bunch of losers and all the dumb keyboard warriors (or worriers) are just a bunch of pissants with the brains of microbes. However I must own to some surprise that nobody seems to have jumped on Albanese’s comment about there being a celebrant handy. A suggestion which amused Jodie but seemed to hint that the Great Wall would be a good place for a spontaneous wedding. There would have been no shortage of witnesses.
God save me from self-declared “Aussie Patriots”, and their Australian Flag covered moronic profiles.
Why show a face and say who you are when you can hide behind a keyboard, an Aussie Flag and a stupid name?
I often criticise the current Labor government regarding legitimate issues that remain poorly addressed or not at all addressed but that meme/post by an “Australian Patriot” just shows he/she/it has no f’ing idea what they’re talking about. The previous LNP government wrecked trade and diplomatic relationships with our most important trade partner, causing a lot of harm to our primary producers, among other things. Albanese – and Wong – have repaired those relationships and deserve to be credited for their good work and positive results.
Most Australians have no idea about how to interact with Asian cultures. It not just business, it is showing a willingness to appreciate their culture and their achievements and their history. Most people don’t know that China over the last forty years has lifted over 800,000 of their people out of abject poverty, that in itself is a major feat, but when you look at what they have achieved technically and infrastructurally you really must give them credit where credit is due.
Patricia, 800 million.
Easy mistake to make, and you’re right, an amazing feat.
Yes, indeed Patricia.
(With SD’s mod), for the sake of comparison, it would be interesting to know just how many across the world, the American neo-liberal / neo-conservative financial dupe has put into poverty.