In a stunning press conference that left reporters, historians, and neurologists scratching their heads, House Speaker Mike Johnson proudly announced that President Donald Trump had, in fact, served as a deep-cover FBI informant responsible for bringing down the notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.
“The evidence is overwhelming,” Johnson stated, waving what looked like a blank piece of paper. “President Trump, a man of unparalleled moral courage, was operating under the code name ‘Tango Mango’ and provided the key testimony that led to Epstein’s arrest. It was a dangerous game of cat and mouse, or perhaps mongoose and snake, and the mongoose was, of course, the president.”
The announcement was indeed striking, primarily because it directly contradicted a statement from the very same president who just moments earlier, delivered via Truth Social from the patio of a golf club:
“The whole Epstein thing is a Democrat HOAX, just like Russia, Russia, Russia!” the post read. “I hardly knew the man, except that he had great parties and I told everyone he was a terrible guy because I have a perfect sense for terribleness. They’re just trying to smear me because I’m leading in all the polls, even the ones I’m not in!”
Ah, the sweet symphony of cognitive dissonance.
When a brave reporter pointed out this apparent contradiction, asking, “So, which is it? Was he a heroic informant or a Democratic hoax?”, Speaker Johnson smiled serenely, as if the question itself was a delightful little riddle.
“You see, that’s the genius of it,” Johnson explained, his eyes gleaming with the peaceful emptiness of a screensaver. “The investigation was a hoax, created by the Deep State to entrap good men. But President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, saw the hoax for what it was and infiltrated it. He became the informant within the hoax to expose the hoax from the inside. He was playing 4D chess while the FBI was playing checkers.”
He paused to let the flawless logic sink in.
“So, by being the informant, he proved it was a hoax. And by calling it a hoax, he protected his cover as the informant. It’s a perfect, self-sealing argument. Any attempt to question it just proves you’re part of the hoax he was informing on.”
The room fell into a bewildered silence, broken only by the sound of a single journalist quietly questioning their life choices.
“It’s really quite simple,” Johnson added with a final, patronising nod. “He was the informant against the hoax about the informant. Why does the fake news media always have to make everything so complicated?”
Reporters, naturally, are cackling like hyenas on helium.
* * * * *
Below is a post from Trump. No, it is not satire:
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Dogshit Johnson and Ratshit Trump, clear evidence of rodent infestation, are beyond investigation by an expert faecalologist, as they stink up a nation and its reasonable political life. What devious, idiotic shit!
Nope. I really can’t pick satire from reality anymore.
Buth Johnson and Trump need help, lots of help. I’d suggest padding the walls of the White House.
Beggars belief, doesn’t it !
It is terrifying to think these horrors are actually in charge of a country and worse, a country now on the skids because of them, especially the orange monster.
Where might the Americans, and we all, go from here. ?
At first I thought this was bizarre satire, then I checked and it’s all true.
The Trump White House constantly draws on Orwell : the Department of defense is renamed The Department of War. “We’re going to go on offense, not just on defense. Maximum lethality, not tepid legality. Violent effect, not politically correct,” the secretary of defense, Pete Hegseth, said in the Oval Office. “We’re going to raise up warriors, not just defenders. So this war department, Mr President, just like America is back.”
Then it draws on Hans Christian Anderson who must be turning in his grave.
Do you recall that he wrote the fairy tale about a vain emperor who is hoodwinked by a couple of grifting tailors who get him to spend a fortune on stylish clothes that are invisible to those who are foolish and uneducated. They’re also invisible to the emperor, but not wanting to look foolish, he convinces himself that his new wardrobe is divine and leads a procession through the city stark naked. The townsfolk try to go along with this pretence, not wanting to look stupid, until a child states the obvious: the emperor is wearing no clothes. The emperor shuts the kid up and proudly struts through town like a naked peacock.
We are faced with this same predicament in America today: how to speak truth to power, especially when those closest to the powerful often have the most difficulty stating the obvious.
In those crowded Oval Office love-ins that Trump relishes, I look around in vain for the face of that little boy who will make the fatal call:
“but father this Emperor is naked”
Terry,
Yes, it appears to be true. The setting up of Donald as The Shining Gold Hero of Heroes has well and truly started.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mike-johnson-trump-epstein-fbi-informant_n_68bb6626e4b0a7895196701f
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-jeffrey-epstein-informant-fbi-b2821406.html
If Trump was an informant, wouldn’t a record of that be in the files?
And would he not brag about it?
Michael,
How dare you impugn such a self-effacing hero like The Donald. He’s not about glory, he’s about caring for women and the nasty things that were done to them by the horrible Epstein and Maxwell. Shame on you.
Yes, GL, full of moral virtue is Donald. 😁
Truth is what is believed and trump believes what he says at the time of saying and millions accept that truth. The allows his next comment to replace that truth with a new truth.
He is an effing genius. Chicago is about to feel the department of war, in theory no septic should support this but in practice trump can kill as many commie aliens as he wants.
este vir est, quod americana meretur”
Trump was so deeply embedded on behalf of the FBI that he actually took on the persona of the scum-bags :
Trump: “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful… I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
Wait a minute, maybe he wasn’t acting, could it be that he was at the heart of it? We’ll never know, Ghislaine isn’t going to say anything, is she? Her pardon hinges on her keeping schtum !
In July, Maxwell held two meetings with the Deputy US Attorney General, the details of which have not been made public but she was promptly moved from a Florida prison to a new all women minimum-security facility in Texas after telling authorities,in a good imitation of a certain Sergeant Schultz “I know noothhhing!”
Terry,
The ‘pussy grabbing” is false news, fake news, not real news. The true story was that one day our hero and all-round nice guy was out in his limo and he saw a little cat in the middle of the road. He told his driver to stop, leapt out the car and scooped the frightened animal up. Later when asked by a Fox reporter (snort, snigger) he shyly mentioned that he grabbed that pussy. It was the democrats and lefty media who twited the story into something unpleasant.
it is a travelling farce, every day something even more outrageous.
” a hoax is a hoax, of course of course, it’s the famous Donald Trump” (apologies to Mr Ed although the POTUS is about as believable !)
If it was a hoax, why was Epstein arrested? Why was Maxwell arrested, tried and convicted? If Trump was an informant, why not release the unredacted files that would show that? And why the bloodyblueblazes am I trying to find any semblance of logic in this steaming pile of pustulent ordure?
leefe,
To paraphrase an old saying: Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to groan and sigh.
Monty Python’s Flying Circus, now playing on repeat in the Court Jester’s Whorehouse.
Albo visits the White House!
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” said Albo.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said Speaker Mike Johnson: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad”.
“How do you know I’m mad?” asked Albo.
“You must be,” said Johnson, “or you wouldn’t have come here”.
Terry,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbUDSxJFsDA
On a similar theme, ICE rounds up and arrests more than 300 Koreans working at a joint venture by Hyundai and LG Energy Solution – both Korean companies, both investing in America. Given South Korea hosts nearly 30,000 US troops and has done so for decades, will that government now issue marching orders and send the Yankee invaders back home?
One gets the firm impression that ICE has zero insight into international affairs and relationships.
Utter and dangerous insanity!
https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/wannabe-dictator-trump-threatens-chicago-with-apocalyptic-force-20250907-p5mt0e.html
Way too much nitrous oxide floating around, don’t you think!
You can see the mass hysteria like Nazism and Stalinism is starting here amongst the beguiled and deluded where there was a minutes silence at some rally ( only heard a audio grab ,don’t watch shit) for the Donarrhea supporter Kirk