There are moments when satire feels redundant, because the material arrives already complete.
President Trump has sent a diplomatic communiqué (or, more accurately, a grudge-text) to Norwegian Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Støre. It is a masterpiece of three-act pettiness.
Act I: The Nobel Tantrum
He is disappointed – deeply disappointed – that Norway failed to award him the Nobel Peace Prize for “stopping 8 wars PLUS.” (The PLUS is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, like a toddler insisting his finger painting deserves a Guggenheim.)
Because of this snub, he explains, he must regrettably reconsider his lifelong commitment to thinking “purely of Peace.” Peace will remain “predominant,” mind you – just no longer purely.
Translation: You didn’t give me the sticker, so the sticker chart is cancelled. Good luck with World War Whatever Comes Next.
Act II: The NATO Invoice
Having personally saved NATO (established 1949, twelve founding nations, zero Trumps at the time), he now feels the alliance owes him.
“I have done more for NATO than any other person since its founding,” he declares, in the same tone one might use to remind a roommate they still haven’t paid for the pizza from 2017.
Now NATO should “do something for the United States.”
Presumably the something is called “hand over Greenland” and comes with complimentary tariffs if you decline.
Act III: The Boat Argument
Denmark’s claim to Greenland? Laughable. Mere boats landed there “hundreds of years ago.”
But America has also had boats. Checkmate, Vikings.
Denmark cannot protect Greenland from Russia or China anyway, so the only logical solution is “Complete and Total Control of Greenland” by the United States.
Capital letters: because when you’re threatening to annex an autonomous territory the size of Mexico, nothing says gravitas like random capitalisation.
The worldview is nothing if not consistent:
- Peace is a subscription service – cancelled without the right accolades.
- Alliances are loyalty programs – earn enough points or get hit with late fees.
- Sovereignty is negotiable, especially if your title deed is basically “some guy with a longship got there first.”
What’s most chilling isn’t the megalomania. It’s the calm delivery. No caps-lock rant, no exclamation marks, just serene, bureaucratic menace on official stationery.
This isn’t a meltdown. This is follow-up customer service after the warranty expired.
Once upon a time, a letter demanding a peace prize, retroactive NATO gratitude, and an entire Arctic landmass because “we had boats too” would have been submitted to The Onion.
Now it arrives from the Oval Office, timestamped 2026, and the only question left is whether Prime Minister Støre will reply with:
a) a patient explanation of how the Nobel Committee works
b) a helpful map showing Norway ≠ Denmark
or
c) a polite suggestion to seek professional help.
Either way, Norway has officially been put on notice.
Peace, it turns out, is transactional.
And the invoice just arrived.
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We must wait, unhappily, for the news of Trump’s departure, atomisation, evaporation, elimination, ultimate flushing, termination. A great sigh of relief is essential. This oppression must go, team and actors and sickos.
His pathological obsession with Greenland and the Nobel is just another symptom of his, let’s call it what is, increasing dementia and declining mental state. I see more outbursts of childish tantrums which will lead to more childish threats, “Wah..wah, if you don’t do what I demand,” he’ll scream as he stamps his bone spurred feet and waves his tiny fists. “I’ll…I’ll hit you with tariffs and that will learn you!”
Now it’s back to coffee, Overdrive of course, and some more Pink Floyd.
This piece should have come with a warning: Contains Trump’s letter to the Norwegian Prime minister. Y’no… nuts.
We had a boat land here in Australia years ago. Can we expect a declaration of ownership transfer as well by Trump? And if Greenland is not “owned” by Denmark, presumably China and Russia can also make a similar claim, too.
Trump will be shocked when he finds that he has inadvertently misled the public. (ha ha)
There was a document.
The US gave the OK to Denmark getting Greenland in return for the US getting the Danish Virgin Islands.
And here it is;
The Danish West Indies transferred to the USA on 31st March 1917 and were from then on called the United States Virgin Islands. On 21st May 1921, Denmark formally declared that all of Greenland was subject to Danish rule.
The declaration, which was an appendix to a sales contract of the Danish West Indies to America, was signed by American foreign minister Robert Lansing. You can see the original by visiting The Danish National Archives (Rigsarkivet), and read the text below.
DECLARATION.
In proceeding this day to the signature of the Convention respecting the cession of the Danish West-Indian Islands to the United States of America, the undersigned Secretary of State of the United States of America, duly authorized by his Government, has the honor to declare that the Government of the United States of America will not object to the Danish Government extending their political and economic interests to the whole of Greenland.
Robert Lansing.
New York, August 4, 1916
https://nordics.info/show/artikel/declaration-from-usa-on-danish-sovereignty-of-greenland-1916
Snookered. But the orange idiot man-baby won’t be told. Anything that happened before his first Presidency doesn’t exist. Rampaging senility.
Steve,
He would simply blame the president, Woodrow Wilson, as a weak democrat leader who gave away part of the great USA to a foreign power.
To put it in Gollum speak:
Donald: “You thieves! You thieves… You filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us. My Precious.”
Donald: “Curse them! We hates them! It’s ours it is… and we wants it!”
GL, the views of Gollum are almost always appropriate to the matter in hand. 🙂
Uhm ….. in 1788 after several visits by European adventurers, the English government authorised Arthur Phillip to occupy the land then known as New Holland. Later English persons attempted to install English land ownership for the benefit of the European Anglo-Saxon foreign colonist settlers, but to no effect, hence the Mabo decision.
Greenland ”belongs” to Greenlanders and Greenland residents, just as Australia “”Always was, always will be” owned by Aboriginal persons whose predecessors survived the genocidal attacks by the foreign colonists from 1788 onwards.
Does he intend to run the ‘Orange Dome’ from Nuuk? Or maybe he intends to launch all of Nuuk at Russia and China?
They’re sure to be shitting bricks at the thought of the incoming Nuuk.
Hey Donnie? You tell ’em!