An opinion piece this week suggested that Tony Abbott is just what the Liberal Party needs right now. Apparently, someone missed the memo from ten years ago – the one that said, “Thanks, Tony, but no thanks.”
Still, imagine it: a glorious Liberal revival, starring the greatest hits of yesteryear. Let’s make it a full-blown reunion tour.
Bring back Tony Abbott: We could all get knighthoods again – dogs, duchesses, and whoever happens to be on the next Sky News panel.
Bring back Scott Morrison: Because nothing says “steady hands” like juggling ministries, a lump of coal, and praying for the Rapture. (This one has momentum. “Make waiting for the rapture fun again” rallies are planned for next week).
Bring back Joe Hockey: We miss eleventy. Not so much Joe, but eleventy. It wasn’t actually a number, but a bold vision (with a misplaced decimal point).
Bring back Julie Bishop: Carpenters are already on standby to build a catwalk through Parliament House so she can make an entrance each morning worthy of Milan Fashion Week.
Bring back Bronwyn Bishop: Free helicopter rides for everyone – after all, who wants to sit in Canberra traffic on the way to a taxpayer funded function.
Bring back John Howard: Because what this country really needs is a little more nostalgia for racism and wedge politics.
Bring back Peter Costello: We need someone to remind us that surpluses are theoretical and taxes are eternal. And we miss his smirk.
Bring back Peter Dutton: He’s not actually a monster – but if the party insists on having one, he’ll do nicely.
Bring back Malcolm Turnbull: He does what he’s told.
Bring back Christopher “the mincing poodle” Pyne: Leadership material, if only someone could convince him of it, which we hope no one does.
And there you have it – the dream team. A glittering lineup of political ghosts ready to march back into the headlines. The Liberal Party could relive its greatest hits – confusion, division, and self-destruction – only this time, in surround sound.
Who knows? With a bit of luck, they might even make being in Opposition fun.
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Now that’s what I’d call a team, sandpaper in their pockets and a series of dropped catches.
People have said that Paul Keating is what Labor needs, but Paul Keating is someone who was judged harshly at the time, and yes, he had an air of arrogance, but people now realise just how good he was. Also, Paul Keating resigned after he lost the 1996 Election. Tone the Botty, on the other hand, had to be told, “Gave Over,” by his electorate, in 2019, having not heeded his party. Ten years on, not many people wish that Tone the Botty had been allowed to stay on.
Steve Price would do well to remember Malcolm Turnbull saying that ex-PMs are better off outside Parliament. And Tone the Botty should not reflect with pride upon the circus that was his leadership. If I had a legacy that he had, I’d be trying to hide.
Hilarious. Don’t forget that bloke we spent a fortune on to jet set around the world job hunting-his name -now what was it he was a Belgian I believe, Smokey Joe’s mate ????
Damn. I forgot about him. I can’t remember his name either.
I see that Tony Abbott has been advising the poms on how to manage their irregular boat arrivals. Abbott told a Conservative conference that Britain should transfer cross-channel migrants to a ‘mothership’ and return them to France on big orange unsinkable life rafts to solve the crisis.
Tone was in the process of promoting his book on Australian history in which the poms showed only polite interest, suggesting that they wouldn’t buy the book but may watch the movie when it comes out.
His reference to motherships maybe he was thinking of the hulks moored in the Thames that accommodated convicts prior to shuffling them off to the wide brown land. Or perhaps his reference to mother ships refers to Battlestar Galactica or Star Trek – who can tell.
Those at the Conservative conference were interested in re-starting the transportation system of sending boat arrivals to a remote island in the Indo/Pacific region – somebody mentioned terra Australis which seems to have worked out quite well in the eighteenth century – Abbott said he would look into it – Keir Starmer said he was quite happy to cough up ten quid a head to take these folk – so there you go, another problem solved!
Mathias Cormann is the name you’re looking for.
This bringing back is dangerous on this topic; I’ve avoided a solid breakfast for fear of bringing it back when considering this shitlist of shame,this politicalperverse pile of utterly forgettables. We have not been served well by the pretentious vain emptiness of conservatives here.
The Liberals are divided and look like they’re a decade away from even being a credible opposition.
Abbott was a tactical opposition leader, and an undisciplined/divisive prime minister.
There is no one in that party who looks remotely like a leader
“The Liberals are divided and look like they’re a decade away from even being a credible opposition.”
I wonder if you meant, “The Liberals are divided and look like they’ve decayed away from even being a credible opposition.”
What about Philip “Ruddock said he could not recall being photographed.”* Ruddock? Surely he should be recalled as well. He was a great Immigration and Indigenous Affairs Minister and Attorney-General
*
https://www.smh.com.au/politics/nsw/the-liberal-mps-the-chinese-high-roller-and-the-glitzy-temple-celebration-20251016-p5n33p.html
In the meantime rumours are circulating to the effect that Barnaby Joyce is considering bringing his retail politics and immense public pulling power to One Nation in the New England electorate.
Overheard in a bar in Tamworth, Joyce is said to have floated the thought that One Nation’s policy platform identifies closely with his own: the Joyce platform is also known as the Seinfeld approach to politics recognising the success of the comedy series based on being a show about nothing.
Joyce brought excitement to an informal gathering in the local RSL Gents toilet when he confided from the urinal he was leaning against that he would bring to One Nation the progressive nihilism he had brought to the National Party whereupon, a voice from one of the occupied cubicles noted *that will f**ck them well and truly*.
And the band played Waltzing Matilda as Barnaby shouted the bar!