It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything meaningful from the federal opposition. Not a press conference. Not a policy. Not even a backbench bungle. For all we know, the entire LNP has entered witness protection. (The Labor government may be many things – wobbly, cautious, overly fond of middle management – but at least they’ve shown up to work.)
It’s not just that they’re quiet – it’s that they’ve vanished with the enthusiasm of a witness dodging a royal commission. No bold policies, no vision for the future, no sense they even remember what the public looks like. Instead, they lurk beneath the surface like political echidnas, poking their snouts out only to sniff for culture wars or a passing Sky News camera. While Labor governs, stumbles, and governs again, the LNP watches from the shadows, bickering about quotas and praying the next election will magically deliver them relevance. If leadership is a battlefield, they’ve left the field entirely.
Sources suggest a handful of senior LNP figures have taken refuge under a large sandstone rock somewhere near Canberra, emerging only for catered events, Sky News segments, or when Barnaby Joyce needs to remind us he exists. Staffers have confirmed the rock mob have Wi-Fi and a modest supply of whiteboards, but no apparent policies.
Asked about their current political strategy, a party spokesperson mumbled something about “waiting until Labor makes a mistake” – a plan that appears to involve a lot of sitting still and hoping for the best.
Meanwhile, the Coalition remains deeply divided on the vital issue of quotas. Some argue women should be promoted on merit (though, oddly, merit never seems to be a prerequisite for men… isn’t that obvious?). Others argue the LNP already supports women, particularly if they’re obedient, invisible, or know donors.
In the absence of a functioning opposition, independent MPs, journalists, and exhausted Twitter users have taken over the job of holding the government accountable. The LNP has responded by blinking slowly and adjusting their ties.
According to insiders, life under the rock is surprisingly peaceful. No debates, no scrutiny, and no need to explain where Angus Taylor keeps disappearing to. Party members are reportedly enjoying a new pilot program called “Leaderless Leadership,” where no one makes decisions, and somehow, no one notices.
Rumour has it a new LNP policy platform is being developed under the rock as we speak. It’s expected to include:
- A fresh commitment to appearing confused in interviews
- A new leadership challenge no one asked for
- And a bold plan to win votes by continuing to do absolutely nothing
Sussan Ley, we have been assured, is not worried – she just prefers a “measured” approach, which apparently means doing very little, very quietly, for as long as humanly possible. Nationals leader David Littleproud has barely rated a mention, which is actually a step up from being mistaken for John Howard at airports – a career highlight.
Blissfully unaware the world has moved on, the LNP snoozes under its rock, dreaming of relevance.
Dream on.
Also by Roswell:
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Well, in Queensland the new LNP government have come out from under the rock and are true to form playing political games. This is a Qld government press release with typical LNP hyperbole in words such as landmark and bombshell and the promise of protection for witnesses and you will note that they already have one report which has prompted them to having a landmark commission of Inquiry:
“The Crisafulli Government announces a landmark Commission of Inquiry into the CFMEU Queensland branch following bombshell ‘Violence in the Queensland CFMEU’ report. Landmark Commission of Inquiry will have powers to compel documents and witnesses, and deliver protections for witnesses”.
What the new LNP government in Qld have demonstrated so far is an appetite for media coverage and self promotion as evidenced by their constant TV promotions for their crack-down on Youth (read aboriginal) crime.
Deputy LNP Premier Jarrod Bleijie let that cat out of this political bag when he told a media conference that : “In 2015 the Labor party was elected back in government in Queensland and what we saw ensue over the last 10 years is nothing but a protection racket for the CFMEU orchestrated by Labor, its administration and its ministers at the time,” Bleijie said.
Whilst the LNP may not be much good at governance when they do get into office they make up for it in Union and Labor bashing.
Most Queenslanders don’t expect much from an LNP government but just hope that they don’t stuff up the important preparations for the 2032 Brisbane Olympic Games which inevitably rely on a good working relationship between the state government and the Unions – not looking good at the present time.
Littlepod hiding under a rock.., sounds suitable. Looking for relevance? (lost his dummy? Searching for B Joyce? Not on a footpath, pissed? )
LNP? What is this LNP of which you speak? How many rocks would I have to pick to find this LNP? Should I put them in a jar or stamp them out if I find any?
Australia has no need for a lying, misinforming, motley of Liberal and National party nothingburger ministers, whose only agenda seems to be to spend big on overpriced US Arms And Weapons procurements.
Moreover, Australia has to find a 3rd of a Trillion dollars to purchase soon to be discarded to Australia in 2032, 3 X fuel-oil/battery driven attack class Submarines.
Australia had already set in place a French agreement proposing 12 submarines being purpose built for Australia’s Navy.
Now enter Scott Morrison and his felonious double-crossing party hacks, the French were pushed aside for a number of Nuclear Submarines that we could not even provide any fuel for, as Australia not having a nuclear reactor to create fuel for these same. I have previously spoken about this act of treason against the Australian people, suffice to again advise that our nation has no need for a dishonest Liberal/National coalition party that cares nought for our people.
For a mob that, if elected, were going to cancel the whole “work from home” thing……….it would appear to me that they are all “working from home” these days.
It seems to me that as well as the Sussssannnn led band of misfits in hiding , the whole of Albanese’s guvvm’nt has gone into hybernation and is opperating from the back burners.
Who needs sitting days? More has been achieved under the cover of an unrecalled Parliament than we saw in the first three years of Albo as PM.
Just you wait, (‘Enry ‘Iggins) we will have the entire set of recommendations from ms Segal set in stone and a whole new economic arrangement with the land of the Lying Dragon signed sealed and delivered before Mistah Speekah gets to his first utterances.
Our parliamentarians will still be claiming all of their entitlements so one of this will save Australians any cash, but at least we are spared the embarrassment of QT, and Banarnaby can spend as much spare time letching at the bar as he can squeeze out of his double family lifestyle without having to go to work pissed.
I expect any meeting with the tangerine tantrum will have to wait until the Big House is back in session so that all of us can observe the spectacle, but the reality of that is “What is the point?” When dumpster donny only operates on spite and vitriol, with a dose of vengeance to keep his hair looking “spiffy”, any dealings that Australia has with the septics are going to be somewhat nebulous at best. Personally, our PM should be setting up a meeting with his Canadian counterpart to see what we can do together. An alliance that straddles the Western American Ocean that does not include the Amerkins would really piss them off, but they will stop building our never-to-be-delivered submarines in revenge, and Albo has no spine for that sort of fight.
When is 2028?
They say every picture tells a story…the one at the top tells it all…a numbskull and a half wit.The LNP is fucked, and the way the Albatross is going, Labor is heading in the same direction.
Time for a major overhaul of politics in this ‘lucky’ country.
It’s strategic by the LNP or more the right wing media and social media influencer ecosystem.
Disappear the LNP then focus on attacking Albanese, ALP, unions, universities, renewables, international students, immigration, pop growth, centrist issues etc., relentlessly with repetitive talking points to condition voters; often just Orwellian BS.
Worse and especially the US, it’s disturbingly similar to pre WWII Germany with NSDAP and RW media attacks on similar, and ‘cultural Marxism’, wink, wink, of the Frankfurt School.