Parliament resumes, and everyone’s angry for a reason
Spoiler: this is not satire – it just reads that way.
Parliament is back, and not a moment too soon. Australians have endured near an eternity without the joy of watching elected officials bicker on live television, dodge questions, and deliver pre-scripted outrage with the passion of someone reading a Murdoch rag.
As the bells ring and the red and green chambers fill, the Labor government returns to find itself caught in a love triangle between AUKUS, Israel, and voters who just want climate action, rent relief, affordable electricity, and food on their table without going bust.
Prime Minister Albanese, fresh off his “too-long” visit to China (according to Sky News’ stopwatch), is back to face questions like:
- “What exactly is AUKUS again?” (The LNP have forgotten their role in it by now, or at best deny it).
- “Is antisemitism legislation going to jail people for criticising Israel?” (Pleads the opposition).
- “Why does every policy feel like a memo from the US State Department?”
“We are delivering clarity on AUKUS, and will continue to do so by 2040,” said a government spokesperson through a haze of defence acronyms and diplomatic hedging.
Labor’s support for Israel has left many of its voters fuming. Possible antisemitism legislation is being sold as a shield against hate, but critics warn it could morph into a gag on free speech, especially when it comes to legitimate criticism of a foreign government engaged in genocide.
Meanwhile, First Nations Australians – once promised voice, treaty, truth – are still being asked to wait, as if justice is something to be scheduled between trade deals and nuclear submarine announcements.
On the opposition benches, Sussan Ley has assumed leadership – though many Australians are still unsure if she’s officially emerged from under the rock.
So far, her strategy appears to involve:
- Criticising Labor for everything, always.
- Offering no alternative whatsoever, forever.
- Occasionally raising quotas just to make the Liberal Party argue with itself.
“We will be holding this government to account for the confusion they’ve caused,” she said, before vanishing into a puff of nothing.
In brighter news, Angus Taylor is back, this time with a new economic forecast so baffling it requires a whiteboard, a thesaurus, several stiff drinks and a No-Doze.
“Labor’s inflation is too low, and that’s bad, but it’s also too high, and that’s worse,” said he, while standing next to a chart that appeared to confuse him.
Meanwhile, Barnaby Joyce was seen wandering the corridors muttering something about “woke university students”, before being gently redirected toward the bar chamber.
The Verdict:
Labor is losing parts of its base – not to the opposition, but over its own direction. Progressive voters wanted social justice, not war machines. They voted for compassion, not criminalising dissent.
Parliament resumes. The circus is back in town. But for many Australians watching from the cheap seats, the parliamentary break was a mirage.
Also by Roswell:
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meanwhile, somebody called Elbridge Colby who is the US under-secretary of defense has posed a hypothetical question essentially to embarrass Albanese as he embarks on a trade and charm offensive in China.
The question seems to be, ‘what would Australia do if the US embarked on WWIII with China evidently to protect Taiwan ?’
Albanese cheekily replies, ‘ we would instantly launch out Virginia Class submarines and enter the fray……Oh wait-on we don’t actually have any Virginia Class submarines, do we?
Australia is increasingly coming under Trump’s (America’s) influence, sadly, we are not alone, much of the Western world is tagging along.
I find it hard to believe Trump is telling sovereign nations where there can spend their money under the threat of tariffs. Governments surely should be getting the best deal they can for their people, forcing them to ignore a cheaper product (oil) smacks of American arrogance.
Trump the peace maker, who provides the weapons of war to all and sundry at a price!!
Terry, by the time we get these subs, if we get them at all, they will go straight into a museum. A lot of development can take place in thirty years and drones will track the nuclear emissions, so they will no longer be secrete/invisible.
jonangel
So, it’s straight to the pool room with them!
When Parliament Resumes…It will be back to the same old,stale performative theatre,with (some of) the same bad actors talking the same old bullshit,while the country continues to go backwards,despite the usual, insulting assurances.Black will continue to be white,and most people will continue to hate Collingwood.
Harry, I hate Collingwood, and will continue to do so.
Collingwood…technicolour yawn!
Roswell,the Collingwood haters club has more members than the Chinese Communist Party.
Harry, do you know that for a fact? I always thought in Collingwood!! there were a lot of Catholics supporters!!
jonangel,if you discount the lapsed micks,the Commos win by several thousand atheists.Just ask Archbishop Sheridan.
The only truly unAustralian act is to not hate Collingwood.
And when parliament resumes the LNP will bitch and whinge and whine and keep acting like the nasty overprivileged perched upon golden pedestals (when they’re not busy trying to shove each other off with their continual infighting) children we have all come to despise and detest.
Albanese and Labor could give back some of the atrocious behaviour in the House that Dutton (as leader of the government in the House) gave them. When the opposition stars waffling on and repeating themselves the government (Burke (as leader of the government in the House)can say, ‘I move that the member no longer be heard’.Give them (minus Dutton) back some of their own medicine.
When will Albo unfurl? At present it seems he’s got the Labor members wound tight as a drum. There’s surely a plan to obfuscate and circumnavigate the decadent despots and proto-fascists. One thing’s for sure, we don’t know what it is, and in the meantime we are fed unsatisfactory and less than relevant performative blather. Seems the whole world is doing the same thing, trying to wear down the T-Rump, his masters and his flunkies.
It’s been coming for a long time, and now that Uncle Sam’s diarrhea is wantonly sprayed asunder, it is truly weird shit from the once were held back potty-sitters.