The Fabulous Submarines Deal!

The deal that Scott Morrison made was fabulous. There’s no other word for it. We need to make this clear to Richard Marles in case he hasn’t realised it for himself…

Of course, the etymology of the word “fabulous” is important here. Fabulous stems from the notion of something which exists in fable and is therefore mythical. The word evolved and was synonymous with the word “incredible” which one could define as something that is not credible. All these concepts could apply to our submarines.

Now when I say “our submarines” I’m obviously talking about the ones that don’t exist yet and possibly never will but, as Mr Marles pointed out on the ABC yesterday, if we rethink this deal and change our minds then instead of not having Japanese or French submarines, we can be sure that it’ll be US submarines that we don’t have in a few years time. Not that he’s guaranteeing that we won’t have them; he was merely guaranteeing that these were the best ones to wait for.

I always think that it’s instructive to take oneself out of the moment and look at general principles. The great theatre guy, Bertoldt Brecht developed a style of drama which relied on alienation. He constantly reminded people that they were watching a play and not to get caught up in the emotion but instead consider the issues. To help with this he often set the action in a faraway or mythical place where people would look at what was happening and not get swept up in their own politics. For example, instead of setting it in Los Angeles where your attitude to the chaos (or lack thereof) will be influenced by whether or not you’re a MAGA supporter, he would set the scene in Antarctica and ensure that penguins didn’t take part in the action, owing to the possibility of them provoking an emotional reaction from all those Trump supporters upset by the penguins refusal to deal on tariffs… I should point out that this was the penguins on Heard Island and while it would be wrong to blame the Antarctic penguins for their anti-US attitudes, all penguins look alike to MAGA supporters…

And so when it comes to the whole AUKUS subs thing I feel it would be fitting for me to channel Brecht.

Motherf@cking Courage

by Rossleigh and Bertie

Scene 1 – A car yard. Sam is the salesman. Scotty enters. 

Scotty – Hi, I’ve got a deal to buy a car from the guy down the road but I’d rather buy from you because he may not be able to deliver it on time. 

Sam – That’s fine. 

Scotty – Is there any way I can get my deposit back from Emmanuel? 

Sam – Did you sign a contract? 

Scotty – Yes.

Sam – Then, no. And you may have to pay a bit extra.

Scotty – Ok, well, that’s fine. I’m not the one paying. It’s for my business.

Sam – So no problem then.

Scotty – What can you offer me?

Sam – Well, I’ll have some great new cars coming in soon. 

Scotty – How soon?

Sam – Ooh, somewhere in the next two decades. 

 

Scene 2 – The same car yard.. Some time later. Pete is there. Dicky enters. 

Dicky – I’m looking for Sam. 

Pete – He doesn’t work here any more. Can I help?

Dicky – Probably. My predecessor bought a car for the business and I was just wondering how the deal is going?

Pete – Oh, is this the deal for the new car in a few years time?

Dicky – Yes. I just sent a deposit a few weeks ago and how soon do we get the car?

Pete – Well, if you look at the contract we aren’t meant to be supplying it until about 2045.

Dicky – That’s fine. What do you suggest we do in the meantime?

Pete – I may have some second hand cars you can have in… about five to ten years.

Dicky – Great. So should I come back then?

Pete – Well, first I have to see if anyone of the other sales people need them. 

Dicky – And if they don’t?

Pete – Then we might give them to you?

Dicky – Give them? Then we don’t have to pay?

Pete – No, no. You have to pay up front. 

Dicky – But we might not get them? 

Pete – If you don’t like the deal, then…

Dicky – No, no, it sounds like a great deal to me. We love doing business here and if there’s anything else you want to sell me…

Pete – Mm, I can sell you my motorbike, but it has to stay here and you can only use it when I give you permission. 

Dicky – Sounds great, where do I sign? 

Like I said, Brecht had this really good alienation technique and it really sometimes helps people to see what’s right before their eyes.

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