Some satire by Lachlan’s Caustic Quill
In a bold political experiment that even Dr Frankenstein would call “a bit much,” Sky News After Dark’s resident wand-waver Rowan Dean has proposed a magical new political formation: a fusion of every disgruntled right-wing fragment in Australia. The ingredients? One Nation onions, Libertarian hot air, Liberal off-cuts, National Party leftovers – and for that extra kick – two heaping syringes of horse paste.
“I’ve always believed the best political movements are formed in cauldrons,” said Dean, cackling in a wizard hat as he stirred a bubbling pot labeled ‘New National Conservative Party’. “All great ideas start with vibes, contempt for experts, and a complete lack of policy.”
Bridget McKenzie, standing on a visibly cracked Coalition platform, looked on as if she’d just been told her shooting range was being turned into a vegan yoga retreat.
Meanwhile, David Littleproud, perpetually stuck between a climate denial press conference and a urea shortage, muttered “What even is this?” before being informed that he may now be the centrist of the group.
In the background, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese was reportedly seen roasting marshmallows by a democracy campfire with a teal-clad surfer, whispering, “Mate, we don’t even have to campaign anymore. They’re doing our job for us.”
Political analysts have dubbed the new formation the Cooker Party, noting its unique ability to alienate mainstream voters, science, and reality – simultaneously. One Monash expert was quoted as saying, “This is the electoral equivalent of lighting your eyebrows on fire while yelling at wind turbines.”
Still, the proposed party hopes to rally voters around core policy pillars:
Shouting about freedom while banning books,
Demanding smaller government while running for it, and
Replacing renewable energy with pure, unfiltered outrage.
When asked whether this movement could ever win government, Rowan Dean replied, “That’s not the point. We just want to trend on X and sell merch.”
* * * * *
UPDATE: The Coalition has responded with a firm “we’re not sure what’s happening anymore” and a press release written entirely in emoji.
Also by Lachlan McKenzie: Tetanus, Truth, and the Cost of Silence: Confronting Dangerous Disinformation
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If you heard David Littleproud on ABC RN Breakfast this morning you will have noted that his two big complaints on behalf of rural and regional communities were lack of childminding facilities and lack of telephone communications (mainly towers).
Oddly, both of these services are in private hands and as we know, private operators have as their first priority, profit and they will only provide services where demand guarantees profitable returns.
So Mr Littleproud’s complaint is not with the failings of the Albanese government, as he implied, but with private enterprise companies which he and his party champion – they did after all privatise Telstra.
I don’t think that Mr Littleproud will be around much longer !
Perhaps the only truth from Little Finger’s announcement about the split is nuclear. They’re not about to tell us all the rest now are they, nor would they ever reveal previous COALition agreements.
Sky Pigsty, News and Spews, Murdoch filth, propaganda, moneygrubbing ratbaggery, all this is killing the planet and threatening us. Fight it, denounce the lies and garbage and the horrible people who earn a living out of this nightmare of distortion. And, Australia’s conservative ratbag rabble have consistently rotten form. Avoid.
TM: We need to be sure that the voters understand about private companies etc. Until that happens Littleproud will be around to continue bamboozling voters.
L and NP: What a bunch of clowns run by two world class morons! They’re determined to stay out of power for years to come with crap like the two day “divorce” and now…spare us all…a possible new “vow of marriage.”
“Bombshell News”, what a steaming pile of Rupert’s bowel movements!
https://www.news.com.au/national/politics/nationals-and-liberals-in-reconciliation-talks-after-shock-split/news-story/803769e1efdb6a19d5e572c616328917