The Art of Not Having a Deal

In a dazzling display of diplomatic fanfare, President Trump unveiled what he convinced himself – and his administration – to believe was a “historic, tremendous, and frankly unbelievable” trade deal with the United Kingdom, the first since his “Liberation Day” tariffs sent global markets into a tailspin. Flanked by Vice President J.D. Vance and a visibly bemused British Ambassador Peter Mandelson, Trump declared the agreement a triumph that would “make America richer by billions, maybe trillions, who’s counting?” But as the confetti settled in the Oval Office, the world scratched its head: was this a deal, or the art of not having one at all?

Let’s break down the “breakthrough.” The UK, led by a charm-offensive-wielding Prime Minister Keir Starmer, secured carve-outs for 100,000 cars, dropping tariffs from a punitive 27.5% to the baseline 10% Trump slapped on everyone last month. Steel and aluminium tariffs vanished, and Rolls-Royce engines got a free pass to keep Boeing’s planes aloft. In return, the UK opened its markets to $5 billion in American beef, ethanol, and machinery, prompting Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick to crow about “billions in opportunities.” Trump, ever the showman, boasted the U.S. would rake in $6 billion in tariff revenue – roughly the cost of a few Mar-a-Lago galas. Critics, however, were unimpressed, calling the revenue a “pittance” in a $4 trillion economy and the deal a glorified press release.

Economists yawned. The U.S. already enjoys a $12 billion trade surplus with the UK, and the 10% tariffs remain a stubborn fixture, like a guest who won’t leave the party. “This is less a deal and more a PowerPoint slide with bullet points,” quipped one analyst, noting the agreement’s details are still being “written up.” The UK’s concessions – 13,000 tonnes of tariff-free beef and ethanol for beer – hardly scream revolution, especially when Starmer insisted no hormone-soaked burgers or chlorine-washed chicken would sneak past Britain’s food standards. Meanwhile, Trump’s promise of “many more deals” sounds like a sequel nobody asked for, with the EU threatening $100 billion in retaliatory tariffs and China bracing for an 80% tariff showdown.

Social media buzzed with skepticism. Posts on X dubbed it a “nothingburger,” with one user lamenting, “We’re paying more for British cars, and all we get is more cows?” Trump, undeterred, took to Truth Social, proclaiming, “The UK loves us, they respect us, unlike those past presidents who gave away the farm!” As Starmer smiled politely on speakerphone, the world wondered: is this the art of the deal, or just the art of making noise? In Trump’s America, the line’s as blurry as ever.

Note: The quotes I’ve used are satire only. The figures I’ve quoted though are correct.

 

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About Roswell 37 Articles
Roswell is American born though he was quite young when his family moved to Australia. He holds a Bachelor of Science and spent most of his working life in Canberra. His interests include anything that has an unsolved mystery about it, politics (Australian and American), science, history, and travelling. Roswell works a lot in Admin at The AIMN.

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