“Good morning, today we have E. Connie Must in the studio to explain the how the current Middle East situation is affecting Australia. Good morning, Mr Must.”
“Good morning, good to be here.”
“Now, the RBA recently put up interest rates in consecutive months, so what can we expect in the future?”
“More interest rises until we get inflation back under control. We need to put the inflation genie back in the bottle and to achieve that we need some interest rate pain.”
“The January figures indicated a rise in the number of unemployed and a slight drop in the inflation rate. Do you think that they would have waited if it wasn’t for the spike in oil prices?”
“Definitely not, they needed to act decisively and not let it get out of control like they did in 2022.”
“So why didn’t they act sooner in 2022?”
“Well, there was a Liberal government and the RBA assumed that they’d do the right thing and fix inflation without the need for any intervention, but now we’ve got a Labor government so you can’t be too careful because Labor spends like drunken sailors…”
“But wasn’t it the Coalition government that ran up most of the debt?”
“Technically yes, but they didn’t like doing it. Coalition governments would much rather keep the money for themselves than spend it on things that might be popular.”
“Such as?”
“You know… Health, education, the usual stuff that just encourages people to get sick and waste their time in academia when we really need more tradespeople…”
“So you support Labor’s free TAFE initiative?”
“No, it’s spending when the government should be cutting back to help with inflation.”
“But surely they’re not responsible for the Middle East situation…”
“They may not be responsible for the situation but it’s up to them to manage it. The rise in petrol prices will lead to an increase in inflation, particularly the rise in diesel which could lead to supply shortages and farmers not being able to harvest their crops leading to a big increase in food prices.”
“Labor’s cut in the excise on petrol is the right move then?”
“Definitely not. Cutting the price of fuel will lead to people having more money in their pockets which will lead to a surge in demand causing inflation to go higher.”
“I’m confused, you’re saying that higher petrol prices will add to costs which will lead to inflation, but lower petrol prices will cause higher demand which will also cause inflation.”
“That’s right.”
“But isn’t that a contradiction?”
“No, I’m saying that both things will lead to higher inflation.”
“So you’re saying that higher inflation will happen no matter what the government does?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“What are you saying then?”
“I’m saying that the government needs to take certain steps to ensure that inflation doesn’t get out of control.”
“And they are?”
“Well, hiring someone like me to advise them.”
“And what would you advise them to do?”
“I’d advise them to make sure inflation gets back into the RBA’s target range.”
“And how would they do that?”
“By removing the upward pressure on prices.”
“How?”
“By reducing spending and thereby reducing demand.”
“But won’t that just leave people worse off?”
“Yes, but it’s worth a bit of short term pain for the goal of getting unemployment back up to where it should be.”
“You think unemployment should be higher?”
“Of course, that’s the only way to bring down inflation. A nice juicy recession followed by a period of austerity where we all learn the lessons of indulging ourselves in luxuries like medicine, jobs and houses. If I were governor of the Reserve Bank, I’d be telling people that some of you may need to lose your job but that’s a price I’m prepared to pay.”
“It seems a high price for some.”
“But if we let inflation get out of control it’ll be a high price for everyone…ha ha… Do you like my little economic humour there?”
“Very economical, but why is inflation worse than a recession?”
“Well inflation hits everyone but a recession mainly hurts poor people.”
“I see. Well, thanks for the explanation.”
“It’s been a pleasure.”
“Good morning, I hope that our listeners are enlightened.”
PHEW!
For a moment there I thought I was reading a Moordick headline and story!
It is a difficult subject, for revenue lost now affects possible efforts later with money thus lost. Any one economist might give seventy circular half answers. Anyone in office now is a target, a focus. Get ready for worse soon…and do not listen to boneskulls like B Joyce or the scarlet broom jockey. Even one with credentials like Taylor will try rubbish.
How true!
I heard an economist, when asked why would the RBA increase interest rates at a time when families can’t pay their mortgages and are struggling to put food on the table. Well, he said, it’s the only tool they have in their toolbox and if it takes a hammer to crack a nut then so be it.
So, there you go, it has nothing to do with fiscal planning it’s all about an inadequate toolbox!
Excellent satire Rossleigh. And uncletimrob, after reading the headline, my mind went to a certain chief political journalist from “Blimey” with an unnatural hatred of our PM…
Uhm ….. I cannot understand how it is always the voters who are responsible for inflation and never the corporations with their excessive executive salary packages, director mates allowances and no restriction on price setting. It seems to be a wonderful example of ”blame the victim” while the perpetrators get away with the money.
So what about we:
1) tax CSG exports rather than continue to gift them as Howard established;
2) Have an international financial transaction tax so that corporate funds exported out of Australia to avoid taxation liability recover a small part of the losses for Australia created by this action;
3) How about legislating the Universal Basic Income (UBI) model proven in Canada to cost less to the Health Budget than the cost of ”no UBI” communities;
4) Then do we really need to subsidise foreign owned multinational oil fossil fuel corporations to explore for more fossil fuels when those fuels are exported for corporate profit rather than national advantage;
5) perhaps putting the current road freight subsidies into renovating & reopening some state railway lines would reduce road damage from now legally overloaded B-Doubles & other freighters while providing more freight industry jobs in regional centres.
Maybe this is closer to the ‘truth’….
https://www.themonthly.com.au/karen-middleton/2026-04-02/detail-short-supply?