Watching Sussan Ley feign disbelief during Question Time (see video below) that the Prime Minister hadn’t spoken to President Trump – despite him having done so three times – gave off a distinct “Trump the Almighty” vibe. Peter Dutton carried the same tone, and it cost him the election and his seat. Seeing Ley’s performance added to my satisfaction that her party remains in opposition, ensuring our relationship with President Trump isn’t in their hands. What might it have been like if it were?
It’s the kind of hypothetical that political tragics whisper over coffee: What if Peter Dutton’s Opposition had actually won the last federal election, and hitched Australia’s wagon to Donald Trump?
Before polling day, he’d been openly chummy with Donald Trump, praising his “strong leadership” and “no-nonsense approach.” But as the campaign wore on – and the numbers came in showing Australians liked Trump about as much as a tooth abscess – the praise got quieter. Then came election night. The Coalition was trounced, Dutton lost his seat, and the whole “Trump-as-role-model” phase was quietly shelved.
But imagine if it hadn’t been. Imagine if the Dutton-led Coalition had scraped across the line – and decided to fully align itself with the Trump administration.
Foreign Policy: Washington Calling
Within weeks, we’d be “in lockstep” with the U.S. on just about everything.
- AUKUS on steroids – not just nuclear subs – which are subject to Trump’s whims – but talk of basing U.S. bombers in northern Australia “for stability” (and by stability, they mean Washington’s comfort).
- A China policy dictated more by Sky News talking points than DFAT briefings, complete with a public spat or two that spooked exporters.
- An awkward joint press conference where Trump mispronounced Dutton’s name and called him “Prime Minister Peter Button.”
Domestic Politics: Importing the Culture Wars
Every day would be a new skirmish in the culture wars.
- Climate protests? Labeled “economic terrorism.”
- Universities? Told to stick to “patriotic” teaching and “balance” their history courses.
- Indigenous constitutional recognition? Frozen out entirely – replaced with lectures about “unity” from people who refuse to say “sorry.”
Economic Policy: Coal First, Questions Later
The “Australia First” mantra would be everywhere.
- Big subsidies for fossil fuels and token grants for “clean coal research.”
- Tariffs on certain imports, even if it meant upsetting our trading partners.
- Photo ops at mines, factories, and meatworks, with Dutton in a hard hat and Trump in a red cap, each trying to out-scowl the other.
Public Reaction: Not Quiet
The backlash would be fierce.
- Massive rallies in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane, with placards reading “Dump Trump’s Down Under Duplicate,” or the old favourite, “Temu Trump.”
- Editorials from former diplomats warning of “strategic dependency” and “reputational freefall.”
- A slow but steady slide in the polls, as swinging voters realised being Trump’s southern wingman meant inheriting his enemies, without any of his electoral base.
The Hangover
When Trump’s term inevitably ends – whether in four years, eight, or after some constitutional cliffhanger – Australia would be left stranded. Our international relationships would be bruised, our reputation dented, and our foreign policy less independent than at any point in decades.
And Peter Dutton? He’d be left explaining to voters why the country spent billions on U.S.-built submarines that still hadn’t arrived, why our biggest trading partner had slapped us with tariffs, and why Trump was now endorsing Clive Palmer for Prime Minister.
In the end, Australia might have learned the hard way what every contestant on The Apprentice eventually discovered: when you work for Donald Trump, he’s only loyal until he’s bored – and then you’re fired.
Also by Roswell:
The LNP’s strategy huddle: a masterclass in political futility
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What if Peter Dutton had won — and hitched Australia’s wagon to Donald Trump? From AUKUS on steroids to imported culture wars and awkward hard-hat photo ops, here’s the alternate political reality Australia narrowly avoided.
We must disengage from entanglements with the current USA as it festers, while praying for a Trump evaporation. The old childish conservatism typified by Dutton and his predecessors is too silly. A little look at Ley, Cash, Angus T. and Barnaby Backward-Bladder emphasises “silly” which is inadequate. Worse filth is likely. Trump continues to appoint farcicality, for “loyalty.” Sickening, substandard, shameful, the USA threatens us all.
I enjoyed that short video at the end of the article. Worth watching.
From time to time I join another dog-walker and we exchange thoughts and observations as we walk. He is totally at the opposite extreme to me when it comes to politics and social norms and aspirations : for instance, he is passionately opposed to vaccinations of any kind and suffered during Covid.
He was vehemently opposed to the Voice referendum – both the referendum itself and the question being posed. His view was that if Aboriginal leaders like Warren Mundine and Jacinta Price were so adamantly opposed to the Voice then it was just a divisive issue and he would not even vote, and he didn’t.
Now that he’s over covid, I see him on a semi regular basis and we swap ideas and thoughts, though he does most of the talking: he likes Trump and sees nothing wrong with the Texas Gerrymander because it is not unconstitutional and is quite legal in the state of Texas – I keep my own counsel on this subject and say little as I disagree with his view as a matter of democratic principle and, after all we are out walking dogs and who wants to see two old blokes laying into each other over American politics!
He is still smarting from the results of the federal election and can’t decide who to blame for the thumping that the coalition received. But the other day he did make his thesis known and that was that Albanese only won with a sizeable majority because he was up against Dutton – whom he dislikes. He says that had the LNP put up a drover’s dog as their leader in waiting it would have been an entirely different result.
One thing about walking dogs: picking up poop keeps you grounded!
Normally I have little to no interest in America or Americans. But when they fell out of the faraway tree, hit their collective head and elected a Mr D.J. Trump as their god king, the interest level picked up somewhat. But that interest level has now subsided back to complete indifference.
As for Peter Dutton, the Liberals fell out of the faraway tree, hit their collective head and elected Spud as leader. You could say the heavens aligned against him when Trump became the American god king, again, but in truth Dutton had no chance. The last coalition government was the most incompetent, most inept, most corrupt and the worst in living memory.
The mainstream media’s saturation with what Peter Dutton said as the main headline day in and day out complete with Dutton’s surly dark foreboding melon and negative messaging just got up people’s noses. The coalition election campaign was a monumental fiasco. They just believed the electorate would regain their senses and elect the natural party of government as though the last truly awful coalition government had never existed.
They offered the electorate nothing, got belted and we will not see another in a very long time.
Trump was filth long ago, by evidence available, concentrated, odious, compressed, impure filth. His debts, bankruptcies, perversions, litigations, foul tendencies, behaviour, laziness, ignorance, all this was well known. Trump is a blot on civilised behaviour, but, in a USA where so many substandard thinkers have been perverted and corrupted by advertising lying, Hollywood, superheroes, this turd has triumphed. Evil.