Clarke & Dawe – “UNSLEEPEN™”

(Bright, cheery corporate music. Neutral set. Everything beige.)

Dawe: Good evening. Tonight we’re pleased to announce an important update to the English language.

Clarke: Yes. Following an extensive review, the word “woke” has been removed.

Dawe: Removed?

Clarke: Retired.

Dawe: Why was that necessary?

Clarke: It had become confusing.

Dawe: In what way?

Clarke: People thought it meant awareness.
(Pause)

Dawe: And that was a problem?

Clarke: Very much so.
(Corporate smile)

Dawe: So what word will replace it?

Clarke: Unsleepen.

Dawe: Unsleepen.

Clarke: Yes. A clean, neutral term.

Dawe: What does it mean?

Clarke: It means no longer asleep.

Dawe: Does it imply understanding?

Clarke: No.

Dawe: Insight?

Clarke: Certainly not.

Dawe: Moral awareness?

Clarke: Absolutely not.
(Pause)

Dawe: So people no longer wake up?

Clarke: No.

Dawe: They don’t awaken?

Clarke: That language was deemed aspirational.

Dawe: They simply… unsleepen.

Clarke: Exactly. It describes the physical state only.

Dawe: And how will this help?

Clarke: It removes unnecessary tension.

Dawe: Tension caused by?

Clarke: Thinking one has noticed something.
(Pause)

Dawe: What about books? Can they still be thought-provoking?

Clarke: No.

Dawe: What are they now?

Clarke: Unsleepening materials.

Dawe: Do they provoke thought?

Clarke: They assist with eye opening.

Dawe: And schools?

Clarke: Children will be taught basic unsleepening skills.

Dawe: Such as?

Clarke: Eyes open. Mouth closed. Proceed to productivity.

Dawe: What happens if someone becomes… excessively unsleepen?

Clarke: They will be reminded to rest.

Dawe: And if they refuse?

Clarke: They may be encouraged to resleepen.
(Pause)

Dawe: Some critics say this is an attempt to control language.

Clarke: Nonsense.

Dawe: You’ve removed a word.

Clarke: Yes.

Dawe: Replaced it with one that removes meaning.

Clarke: Correct.

Dawe: And claim this increases freedom.

Clarke: Immensely.
(Long pause)

Dawe: So to be clear: people are no longer expected to notice injustice, hypocrisy, or power.

Clarke: Certainly not.

Dawe: They are simply expected to be… awake enough to work.

Clarke: Unsleepen enough to function.

Dawe: Thank you for clarifying.

Clarke: My pleasure. Language should never get in the way of efficiency.

Dawe: No. That would be dangerous.

(Music swells. Screen text appears.)

UNSLEEPEN™

Awareness without implication.

END

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