The Liberal Party has unveiled its bold new vision for renewal, innovation, and forward momentum by announcing that Tony Abbott will become the next President of the party.
Yes, that Tony Abbott: The former Prime Minister renowned for restoring knighthoods in a moment of national urgency and ensuring Australia’s broadband speeds remained world-competitive with rural Angola. In an era desperate for fresh ideas and modern relevance, the party has instead hailed the man who once thought climate change was optional, governed in high-vis vest or budgie smugglers (depending on the weather), and treated every policy challenge like a photo opportunity involving a boat or a raw onion.
The announcement, to my way of thinking, signals a deliberate return to the simpler times. A golden era when the internet ran through wet string, wind turbines were evil, and every national crisis could be solved by sternly pointing at something while wearing a hard hat. No woke nonsense. No complicated economics. Just good old-fashioned Abbott-era certainty: if in doubt, declare a national emergency, promise a tax cut, and blame the ABC.
Of course, this appointment makes perfect sense in the current political climate. After years of chasing the centre and trying to out-green the Greens, the Liberals have clearly decided the path back to power lies in reminding everyone what they once stood for: raw masculinity, budget surpluses that never quite arrived, and an unshakeable belief that Australia’s biggest threat is still those pesky boats on the horizon. One can only imagine the strategy sessions: “Quick, dust off the budgie smugglers and fire up the barbecue. The punters are ready for a return to 2014!”
Doubters, and I’m sure there are many, might call it desperation dressed up as nostalgia. Supporters will hail it as “authentic leadership” and a rejection of “Canberra elites.” Either way, it’s a masterstroke of backward momentum. The Liberals aren’t just turning the clock back; they’re cranking it up and hoping the old magic still works. Whether this represents genuine renewal or just the political equivalent of digging up the old Holden Kingswood from the garage “for one last run” remains to be seen. But one thing’s clear… the Liberals aren’t going forward. Tony will see to that.
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Whatsisname’s back.
Hahaha.
They could have found a dried dog turd on a street corner to replace Angus but….no wait
Abbott the Manly Masturbator is to come back. Get a wife from a Saffron brothel, a horse from the knacker’s yard to win the Cup, a car from John L Motors ( a Trabant), a deal from Skase, and you’ll be MADE.
He’s the next president of the Liberal Party only. I wonder if he’ll have any influence over the ones in Parliament.
Huge, huge mistake obviously. A failed PM, a misogynist, remembering Tony’s ‘women problem’ and carrying so much baggage including “shit happens” referring to the death of a soldier in Afghanistan, calling mesothelioma sufferer Bernie Banton “of impure heart”, that Nazis suffered due to shame. He initially elected to ban HPV cervical cancer vaccine and only changed his mind when Howard and female MPs objected. Has he changed, I doubt it.
Gasp! Onions of Australia…beware…beware…the Onionator is returning. Tales of terror will be told to baby onions about the evil that is always lurking on the farm and waiting to pounce and gobble up naughty onions. The horror…the horror.
Well, that screws Angus’s plans for the Liberal Party. With the Mad Monk back the “change” will be to swing the Libs even harder to the right.
So, die it is.
https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/change-or-die-inside-angus-taylor-s-high-wire-act-to-save-the-liberals-20260521-p5zze4.html
This is the same Tony Abbott who has been a prominent supporter and global defender of Hungarian leader Viktor Orbán [until it became politically inconvenient to do so], praising him as “Hungary’s greatest modern leader”.
Is this the same Tony Abbott who serves as a Director on the Board of Fox Corporation and works alongside its parent, News Corp. disseminating misinformation and Trumpian claptrap?
Clearly the Liberal Party, as the article suggests, are in Back to the Future mode.
Alternatively, as Gina Rinehart has acquired her own political party in One Nation, perhaps Lachlan Murdoch is acquiring the Liberal Party for his own devious purposes.
I am so over-joyed that Tony Abbott is going to be the next President of the Liberal party. Even if this does not come to pass, the mere mention of that possibility sounds the final death knell for the Party that has enabled the immoral asymmetrical distribution of wealth and the destruction social cohesion in Australia. Bring him on!
Oh Joy!! Oh Rapture!! The Toxic RAbbott has been recalled to the leadership of the LIARBRAL$!!
Every thinking Australian will rejoice that the recently reported elsewhere demise of the LIARBRAL$ and the abandonment of the NOtional$ by regional voters completely disenchanted by the self-serving, “For me only!!” practices of elected representatives of these mainstream political policy influencers, and so are turning to the PHONeys for no policies. no talent and no future change out of simple desperation that these same conservative politicians have failed to secure spending in their respective electorates for essential public infrastructure.
Take the New England experience where the representative of the NOtional$ until his defection to the PHONeys was Beetrooter Joyce, a 13 year veteran of doing nothing for the electorate while he was paid about $3 million @ about $240,000 per year plus other perks raiding the Parliamentary Allowances Scheme, or writing reports as a short text message, for a very remunerative, about $600,000 enterprise.
Naturally the 2013 Campaign Committee was an all male misogynist meeting that continued until 2026 when the ladies of Tamworth felt that the Tamworth image for adultery, alcoholism, bullying, fornication, sexual harassment and misogyny were unreasonable, so Beetrooter was advised by the fresh female Re-election Committee Chairperson that his automatic re-nomination was cancelled ….. immediately before his epiphany that his laziness was more practiced and appreciated in the PHONeys.
But wait!! The real reason is likely to be that the LIARBRAL$ has such a dearth of talent that the best offering is an Anus Faylure, the politician who sold the Commonwealth an $80 MILLION EMPTY GLASS OF MDB WATER!!
Bring Back the RAbbott!! The suppository of all wisdom!! The bungler in Budgie smugglers!! THAT will fix the problem ….. for about another three election cycles while the Labor Party depth of talent gets on with making Australia for the benefit of voters rather than foreign owned multinational corporations.
POST SCRIPT – How do you embarrass a NOtional$ voter in the New England electorate?
Answer 1: You can’t ….. they believe that voting the same way as their grandparents is essential for building the 19th century future in the next 26 years …..
Answer 2: Ask the declared NOtional$ voter if they would employ a stockperson, labourer, or shop assistant for $240,000 per year to sit full time in the shed getting drunk, harassing their daughters or wives and generally sleeping with their favourite Canberra box. As they waver during their answer, offer them a super deal on scrap iron by demolishing a Bridge in Sydney …..
Maybe it’s to protect him and his cohort including Libs, Nats, NewsCorp/Murdoch & Credlin, Downer and Sheridan, Rhinehart, plus the US Atlas Koch and Tanton Networks; for a declining electoral base…….