This is a once-in-a-lifetime event.
For the first time since about 1965, the front pages of Australia’s major newspapers featured no mention of the Liberals, the Nationals, or their awkward joint custody arrangement known as the Coalition. That’s right – a full day with no Coalition coverage. Not a whisper. Not a headline. Just… blankness.
Once proudly plastered with stories of Liberal Party infighting, Barnaby Joyce’s latest “hold my beer” moment, “The Leader of the Opposition says…” and archive shots of John Howard frightening people simply by looking at them, the nation’s front pages had inexplicably moved on.
No photos of Peter Dutton wrestling with a sausage. No Tony Abbott gnawing on a raw onion like it’s a Granny Smith. Not even a recycled snap of Scott Morrison hammering together a chicken coop in hi-vis. In a newsroom emergency, you’d think someone would’ve reached for those timeless classics.
I’ve developed a few theories to explain this media miracle. Perhaps the Coalition, weary from years of leaking against itself, declared a temporary ceasefire to rehearse their next “unity is our strength” press conference. Or maybe there was a glitch at News Corp HQ – the headline generator responsible for “Coalition Comeback Starts Today” finally exploded from overuse.
Or maybe someone forgot to upload the default “Labor Disaster/Coalition Triumph” template. It’s even possible a few journalists dared to discuss policy before remembering they hadn’t refreshed Sussan Ley’s Instagram in the past 20 minutes.
Over at The Daily Telegraph, chaos probably erupted when editors realised they’d gone to print without the words “Labor Disaster” in 72-point font.
At first, I was confused. Then I accepted the silence. In a bold move, I even turned on Sky News and wasn’t immediately told what to be outraged about. I panicked. I had to form my own opinion. It was horrifying.
Eventually, I settled into the serenity of it all – that rare, fleeting moment when the news cycle forgot to orbit entirely around the Opposition. It was a beautiful, strange interlude. Briefly, the world felt quieter, freer from the usual noise.
Of course, I knew it wouldn’t last. The familiar rhythm will return soon enough: the breathless speculation, the performative scandals, the endlessly microwaved debates about policies we’ve been arguing over since dial-up internet. But in that moment – in the calm – I allowed myself to imagine something different. A world where the front page wasn’t just a rerun starring the same tired cast reading from the same worn-out script.
That was yesterday.
I haven’t checked today’s headlines yet, but I’d be shocked if yesterday’s silence hasn’t already been blown up across the front pages. I’m bracing for something like this:
BREAKING: Australian Media Experiences Unprecedented 24-Hour Coalition Blackout – Nation Baffled, Birds Sing Again
No Barnabys Were Harmed in the Making of This News Blackout (That We Know Of)
In a development that’s stunned political analysts and granted long-overdue relief to the nation’s collective nervous system, Australia has – somehow – experienced a full news cycle without a single front-page mention of the Liberal Party, the Nationals, or their long-suffering arranged marriage: the Coalition.
No whispers of factional feuds. No speculative leadership coups. Not even a wistful stock photo of John Howard brandishing a cricket bat like a moral compass. For one glorious, baffling day, the country was free.
The silence was deafening. Sky News, deprived of its usual Opposition drama buffet, briefly flirted with actual policy coverage – before cutting to an emergency panel titled: “Is This What Journalism Looks Like Now?” Even Barnaby Joyce, a midweek chaos constant, vanished from view. Unconfirmed reports suggest he may have been gently escorted into a parliamentary broom cupboard for “reflection and recharge.”
Public reaction has ranged from meditative calm to existential panic. Some Australians reported a strange lightness, as if years of background static had finally lifted.
“I turned on the radio and they were talking about infrastructure,” said one stunned caller to Ben Fordham. “I didn’t even know we still built things.”
Others were less serene.
“What am I supposed to be outraged about now?” demanded a talkback caller. “If the media isn’t telling me what the Coalition’s doing wrong, how will I know what to shout at my in-laws this weekend?”
(The reprieve, sadly, is temporary.)
Insiders confirm the Coalition is already drafting its return. Expect a “leaked” internal memo calling for the reintroduction of imperial measurements. A Nationals MP holding a press conference from the cabin of a tractor (vision!). Or perhaps Tim Wilson raising one carefully curated eyebrow – triggering 48 hours of breathless analysis about his “electability” and which demographic he alienated by blinking too fast.
Make no mistake: the machine is idling, not broken. The great theatre of politics will resume shortly.
Just… enjoy the silence while it lasts.
What’s Next?
There are whispers around Canberra that the Coalition is planning an abrupt re-entry into the news cycle, possibly via:
- A leaked Zoom call where someone says, “Let’s just mention the carbon tax again.”
- A Nationals MP attempting to milk a cow on live TV (spoiler: it goes poorly).
- A mysterious “breaking exclusive” about Anthony Albanese’s coffee order.
Cherish this rare peace. Soon, the airwaves will once again vibrate with the soothing sounds of talking points about franking credits, and all will be right or at least familiar in the world.
Then again, maybe that’s just the sleep deprivation talking.
Someone check on Barnaby.
Update: Well what do know? Exactly as I predicted. Just saw this in my local paper …
Dear reader, we need your support
Independent sites such as The AIMN provide a platform for public interest journalists. From its humble beginning in January 2013, The AIMN has grown into one of the most trusted and popular independent media organisations.
One of the reasons we have succeeded has been due to the support we receive from our readers through their financial contributions.
With increasing costs to maintain The AIMN, we need this continued support.
Your donation – large or small – to help with the running costs of this site will be greatly appreciated.
You can donate through PayPal or credit card via the button below, or donate via bank transfer: BSB: 062500; A/c no: 10495969
Yeeou Bucking Fee-youty, no coalition news.., thus no Dutton confession, no Cinerama projection of the fat frau of the west, no Pubberyrootery Barnaby, no mythical taxpayer chained Noocklar power generation, no whining commentary on inevitable loss, no LLLeeeyyy news before her evaporation, no ulcerous Trumpery copy, not even Marles/Hegseth farce, just PEACE for us all to get on with it. (I’m reading the obits, just nearing “M”. )
Very funny! Made my day, thanks.
Bananaby will need to tread carefully around the broom cupboards,there’s likely to be some familiar faces in a filthy mood as they recharge their brooms,or ,worse still,Tim Wilson might have absent mindedly wandered into one.
soon to be promoted: the alternate PM Tim Wilson has announced that he is reliably informed that Albo will soon be deposed by Jim or Tanya as Labor infighting reaches Crisis levels
Oh ye of little faith …..the minions of mercantile mediocrity, those lovers of the Prayer Room Meetings are licking their wounds (not their backsides) as they recover from the shock that the world does not love them as they love themselves, indeed, the world does not love them at al!!
This stony silence being enjoyed by all people thinking about improving the nation for the benefit for ALL Australians rather than just the FRWNJs billionaires and their parasitic hangers-on is merely the renowned ”silence before the storm”. After all, there has been 12+ years of continuous misleading media manipulation from the Murdoch Mediocrity Monopoly and even those stoic deceivers for profit need a short break to appreciate the damage that they have done to ALL Australians.
Check out the progress of PRC China in the fields of civil engineering, technological innovation, computer hardware, alternative energy production, indeed, nearly every major area of enterprise requiring excellence. Yes, there are reports of slave manufacturing, regional rural poverty unchanged for centuries, empty residential towers …..
However, there are also rail links across Eurasia that take <14 days between Beijing and Paris, oil pipelines from Russia to industrial Chinese cities, and civil engineering to make your eye water.
Meanwhile, the USA (United States of Apartheid) has waddled past its zenith, pursuing profits from asset stripping surrounding countries while dealing with dictators, destroying the environment on mainland America and condemning too many ill-educated Trumpery followers to an early death thanks to the DOGE manipulations of personal data and slashing of federal funding of community services.
The ”American Dream” has become ”Nightmare on Main Street”.