My wife was expressing some amazement at the size of Labor’s win in the election result so I decided to give her one of my analogies to help her understand exactly what had happened.
“It’s not really that complicated,” I told her. “It’s always hard to unseat a government.”
“I wasn’t saying that it was complicated,” she replied. “I just find it stunning that it should be so large when people were predicting that Dutton would be PM just a few weeks ago.”
“Think of it like this,” I continued. “Imagine you and I had a fight and I went to a pub and ordered a drink. A woman starts talking to me and I tell her all about the fight and she expresses some sympathy. She tells me how unfair you’re being and how I deserve better. She goes to the bathroom and while she’s away the guy behind the bar asks me if I’d like to go home with her and I say yes without thinking. She gets back and starts telling me of all the good times we’ll have and, while it’s appealing, I start to consider the practical implications of…”
“She’s obviously a sex worker.”
“What?”
“She’s obviously a sex worker.”
“No, she’s not.”
“I mean, look at you. Why would any woman come up to you and start offering to go home with you when you’ve just shown what a poor risk you are? You’ve just had a fight with your wife and you’re prepared to dump her for some woman you’ve just met.”
“I’m not prepared to dump you… that’s my whole point. I mean the idea’s appealing while you’re sitting in the bar with no consequences but once you picture the future and what it’ll be like and the practicalities of starting a whole new life…”
“Did she offer you a whole new life?”
“Yes…”
“Are you sure?”
“Look, she’s imaginary.”
“She’d have to be.”
“I’m just using her to make a point about the election.”
“The poor thing. Lucky she’s imaginary or she’d be shattered that this man who’s gone to a bar to cheat on his wife has decided that it’s just too hard and he”s going to stick with…”
“I didn’t go to the bar to cheat. I just went there to have a drink and… Look, I think you’re missing the point here. What I’m saying is that Dutton didn’t offer anything to make someone feel like they should take the risk of changing things. She was a symbol for Dutton and you’re symbol for Albanese.”
“I’d rather be Penny Wong.”
“Anyway, the point is that most people suddenly realised that they didn’t want to wake up the next day with Dutton. The Liberals can complain that this was because of Labor lies – which they haven’t been very specific about – but I suspect it was more about the moments when the Liberals had told the truth about him.”
“I think it’s much simpler than that. In the end the Liberals offered a lot of complicated things and nothing tangible for the near future. Even if you supported their nuclear idea, they hadn’t explained how they’d get legislation through the Senate to overcome the ban and, assuming they did, it’d still be ten years on their own estimates before we saw any benefit and…”
“All right, I get your point.”
She continues, “As for their response since the election, it seems as though they’re a bit confused as to whether they should change their policies or change the way they market them. Look at the discussion on net zero. Labor supported net zero: the Coalition supported net zero. While Labor got in with an increased majority, the parties who don’t support net zero didn’t get much traction, so it makes zero sense to abandon a popular policy in the hope that this will win you more seats at the next election…”
“Yes, and…”
“Electing a female leader is probably a positive sign but it’s more important for them to come up with policies that show that they understand why they lost the support of so many women.”
“True and I’d add that…”
“The fact that there are so few women MPs in their party is a problem but I can’t see them adopting a quota system any time soon. It’s rather ironic that they don’t believe in quotas when it comes to putting up female candidates but they’re fine with it when divvying up the ministries with the National Party…”
“Good point.”
“And did you see the article lamenting all the Coalition talent that was voted out because of the preferential voting system. This wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t for the fact that in the UK the same media company was complaining that First Past the Post voting had delivered Labour a disproportionate majority there. What do they want? A system where only the media get to vote?”
“I think they’d like that.”
“Anyway, it’s up to Labor now to make use of the mandate that they’re claiming.”
“Very true.” I pause. “So do you have any more questions about the election?”
My wife gives me a look. “No, I think you’ve explained enough,” she tells me.
“Always happy to explain,” I tell her. She nods.
Also by Rossleigh: Vale Peter Dutton And RIP The Liberal Party…
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I told my wife I voted for Boofhead,so now she’s convinced I’m a dickhead.Would you mind coming around to explain to her what you just told your wife.Same hourly rates as hookers.
Thanking you in anticipation.