In 2188, We Journey To Earth And See What Musk Saved Us From…

I had this idea for a movie script. This is what I have so far…

Film Script

Scene 1 – On The Journey From Mars Aboard Spaceship XSLA:

Tour Guide-

Hello everyone, and enjoy your wakeup call. You’ve been asleep for the past two years and fourteen days so that the journey to Earth didn’t seem so unbearably long. Of course, when X-ellent Elon Musk  first did it way back in the 21st Century he had to stay awake for most of the journey which was an enormous burden given how anti-woke he was. As we approach, I must urge you all to stay on the ship until we ascertain exactly what has happened on Planet Earth since the Great Evacuation…

I’m sure that you’re all aware of how the X-ellent One overcame the great delusion of Democracy and subverted all taxes into his plan for a settlement on Planet Xelon, or Mars as they once called it. At first some were skeptical and thought that there was something wrong with leaving most of humanity behind, but these people were soon convinced when it was explained that they were part of the elite who’d be on the first rocket out of the planet that was doomed because of the excesses of the 20th and 21st Centuries. As for the rest of humanity, most of them had no idea of what was going on and, even if the were able to work it out, it sounded so far-fetched that they could easily be dismissed thanks to the fact that Elon had installed a man as President of the United States that had no other qualifications apart from his ability to bankrupt his businesses and to fire people on what the people on Earth called a television show. While Donald Trump always lacked plausibility, his 2025 appointments to positions of power showed that you could get away with anything if you just convinced the people that all their problems stemmed from not allowing people like him to have all the power…

Anyway, as we approach Planet Earth… Or as we’ve renamed it: the Gulf of Achievement, gaze upon the wasteland it has become and thank Elon for your life on the Red Planet which, of course, didn’t allow any of those blue Democrats with their anti-Elon policies and their concern for… whatever it was they were concerned for. Whatever, just remember that before Elon and your billionaire forefathers left this dying planet, it was a thriving hub which took from the ground and turned things into other things whether they needed to or not, where people were made to work because work is good for people and… anyway, prepare to be shocked because the people who were left here must have surely all died out or else been reduced to some sort of…”

Scene 2 – Meanwhile On Earth

• UNIFORM FOXTROT OSCAR…

• UFO? 

• UFO approaching… 

• Shit, man, this April 2nd, da fools day…

• Nah, seriously, it be a big fucker

• Ok, we’ll try radio contact…

• Do you think it’s from some other country? I mean we ain’t had no war since…

• Nah man, they’d have to declare war and nobody gonna break da rules and go back to those days when people fought wars instead of just saying we can decide it by flipping a coin and taking over whatever province the other side was prepared to bet…

• ATTENTION, PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF!

Scene 3 – Back on Spaceship XSLA

Tour Guide-

We are orbiting and if you look at your screens you’ll be able to see the remains of the planet where humans once lived. This is the first look anyone has had since our X-ellent One resettled mankind on the Red Planet… As we descend you may be able to make out the ruined buildings where your ancestors once lived… As you look closer… Sorry? What’s that?

Excuse me, everyone, but the pilot informs me that there has been radio contact from what he presumes to be… Earth beings… Unbelievably it seems that, not only have some of them managed to survive, but they still has some rudimentary technologies… I know that this is incredible given that all the tech entrepreneurs and billionaires went with the X-ellent Musk leaving the useless plebeian masses to perish on a doomed planet…

Please don’t be afraid, we can nuke this planet in an instant if they prove hostile… Oh, look they have all these tree-like things that they’ve preserved to show what the Earth… sorry, Planet Gulf of Achievement was once like… apparently, they can still speak some sort of language that we can understand… According to the Bridge, someone asked if Captain Kirk was on board and then did that primitive thing called laughter that humans used to do…

Scene 4 – The Ship Has Landed And Its Occupants Have Been Taken Into Custody As Illegal Aliens

Tour Guide –

What do you mean we’re all under arrest? This is our planet. No, we don’t live here but our grandparents owned practically everything… No, we haven’t been here for over a hundred years but… Look you can’t just take it over by squatting, you know… Besides, as far as we’re concerned, you don’t even exist because the whole planet is uninhabitable and…

No, I don’t want to read your silly book… Yes, of course, I can read…  All right, well if you think I’d be better off with the audio version.

Audiobook starts to play

The Great Salvation by Amos T. Goodfellow. Read by Taylor Swift. Introduction – Thank God for Elon Musk.

There was a time when Elon Musk had become even more unpopular than he was when bought Twitter and called it X. Even more unpopular than when he was in charge of DOGE. Even more unpopular than when he diverted funds from just about everywhere to build his rocket to Mars and create the environmental bubble that would enable people to live there. 

But then it all changed. 

He succeeded. He left and with him he took all the bloodsucking bastards who’d stood in the way of doing anything to prevent climate change. 

In the years that followed, there was some chaos. A few people tried to argue that everything was ok and that climate change was normal and that losing Musk and his fellow technofeudalists was the end of the world as we know it, but they were defeated when people answered this with the simple rebuttal of: “The end of the world as we know it? Good, now fuck off to Mars with them or shut up before we put you on a low-lying rock in the middle of the Pacific…” 

While this didn’t immediately solve all the problems associated with climate change and there was a great need for a rethink and it took great ingenuity to adapt, people were prepared to work together. This book is about that work. 

Chapter 1 – Donald Gets Left Behind…

Tour Guide –

Hang on, hang on, you’re telling me that the planet wasn’t wrecked and that we all went to Mars for nothing?

•  *  *  *  *  *

Ok, that’s as far as I’ve got. Anyone want to produce it?

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