The woman problem

That really is the wrong headline, it probably would be more accurate to say, The Man Problem, but too many men may kick up at the idea that they are a problem, let alone THE Problem.

The Liberals have been accused of having a woman problem, but somehow a group calling themselves the Big Swinging Dicks wasn’t a problem.

But politics aside, what is the problem with women? Or, conversely, what is the problem with men?

Recently I was enjoying a coffee with a neighbour, a single mother, immigrant from Zimbabwe who proudly wears ear rings, pendants really, that state ‘Yes, I’m BLACK’, she holds a masters degree in Marketing and is a very successful sales executive for a national company, consistently out performing most of her male colleagues.

We talked about discrimination, and the subtlety which which discrimination is demonstrated.

She faces discrimination on at several fronts.

Discrimination for being African, her ‘blackness’.

On greeting one of her male colleagues, she extended the hand and the colleague wiped his hand on his trousers after releasing from the handshake. The indication that just maybe some of her blackness had rubbed off on him, had dirtied his hand. She very much feels that ‘otherness’ in the office, so spends as little time there as possible, mostly out doing her job, calling on clients, writing contracts, earning commissions.

We recently had a lighthearted chat about her marriage prospects. Looking for a white husband she said… Don’t, I said.

During our coffee chat she said that wasn’t really a desire any more.

A close friend of hers, another African woman had recently married a white man. She is no longer able to talk with her friend, social contacts have been limited to his circle. Her finances are controlled, the freedom to be herself curtailed. She mentioned this as the friend walked by the cafe we were in.

Other women face the same control issues when they marry or enter a relationship, but is that a woman problem or is it the insecurity the man may feel?

It does pose an interesting question as to why some men seek out partners so different. The ‘mail order bride’ thing of years gone by comes to mind. Some marriages work, others don’t, but in a discussion on this recently it was suggested that some men do not feel comfortable with women who are too similar to them. Too ‘equal’ was the term used, suggesting that someone of colour, African or Asian would be more submissive, more controllable. And more available.

Or could it be a hangover of the ‘centuries old exoticfication and colonisation of the bodies of women of colour’, as suggested in Misogynation by Laura Bates (page 190).

Women perceived as less than white men have been and continue to be trafficked for domestic service and for prostitution. Throughout colonial history women have been targeted, raped, enslaved, abused. Recent claims by a woman to be related to Gina Rinehart, a grand daughter of her father’s having sex with an Aboriginal worker on their vast Pilbara holdings during the 1960s..

Discrimination for being a woman.

It is hard to be a woman. Especially a young woman.

Women are judged for their appearance, and being just right is important to ‘catch the right man’. Body shape and general appearance trumps brains every time it would seem.

Objectification can take different forms, one memorable one is a conversation a woman named ‘Kate’ referred to in her rape allegations against Christian Porter, the former Attorney General.

While in Canberra as a teenager, preparing for an interstate schools debating contest, Kate windsurfed on Lake Burley Griffin with others in the contest. She wore a one piece bathing suit according to her statement. Christian Porter watched as she put tee shirt and shorts on over her bathers and said ”You should be wearing a bikini Kate. Shame you don’t have the tits for it.” (Cited from documents sent to the Prime Minister and Senators Hanson-Young and Wong on 23 February, 2021.)

Kathrine was a contestant in a National Debating Team, an intelligent young woman who had worked hard to achieve a podium finish in the championship. But she was judged by the size of her ‘tits’.

That sort of judgement is something I certainly do not face. I am a white male, I do not know what that objectivisation feels like.

My Zimbawian friend visits the gym regularly, diets and is trying to lose weight. She feels that she cannot live up to the high bar standards imposed by what ever movie, TV programme, fashion magazine or orthodoxy demands may be. To be attractive, to be the right shape, to attract a would-be suitor, a potential husband. She feels judged, feels inadequate, but at what stage, at what weight, at what risk to her health will she feel that she is right?

While there is the sense of inadequacy, the sense of not being ‘beautiful enough’, she is leered at, called names, her complaints are dismissed.

Professionally, she demonstrates her strength, outperforming most male colleagues, yet, she feels judged on appearance, not quite the super model look, while her male colleagues may be overweight, at times scruffily dressed, but that’s OK, they’re blokes, right.

An important question is re-emerging from the right. What are women doing in the workforce?

Last week on the ABC Religion and Ethics programme a topic raised was ‘The digital re-domestication of femininity: What’s behind the viral rise of regressive gender ideals?’

A recent podcast host argued that ‘his partner didn’t need to work, that she should stay home to maintain her “feminine energy” and create a peaceful environment for his return’, and while the argument presented sounded supportive and great for the their relationship it could be interpreted as a ‘thinly veiled endorsement of traditional gender roles where a woman’s value is measured by how well she nurtures others, nor by her ambitions’. This is not all that surprising when we consider the online influence of misogynists and the promotion of hyper-masculinity which seeks too turn back the clock on the advancements in equality we have seen in my lifetime, and the issues faced in classrooms where female teachers are harassed by the overt sexism displayed by too many boys.

While men see women in roles that were traditionally men’s roles, women will be bullied, harassed, put down. And that is clearly displayed in the political arena.

As I was reading and collecting my thoughts on the ‘woman’ issue, the separation and make-up of the LNP played out in the media. It was not really characterised as a part of the gender wars the right like to engage in, that of ignoring the woman’s voice but willingly repeating their views as a man’s view, so clearly enunciated by Julie Bishop in describing her experience in cabinet, or even in the party room when she was deputy leader of the Liberals.

In politics women can be problems, problems for domineering men, that is.

One of the standout differences between the Labor Party and the LNP is the acceptance of women in both the party and in leadership positions. In the unexpectedly large win for Labor, both in the Federal election earlier this month or the March election in Western Australia, we have witnessed a Labor Party which has not had their dirty laundry hung out to dry in the public domain, we have not seen power plays, we have see instead a unified, dignified party getting on with the business of governing. Could it be that the number of women in the Labor Party have moderated debate, have quietened disagreements?

We have seen in the Labor Party under the leadership of the Anthony Albanese, a coordinated approach to debates and the presentation of policies handled professionally, thoughtfully, respectfully. What has been missing is the testosterone fuelled hyperbolic arguments and name calling that marls so much of discourse in the adversarial contest played out in the houses of parliament, in the media and spilling over into the public arena. The focus has been on policy, not on the people of the other side. There has been no name calling from them, just dignified debate and an empathetic approach to dealing with issues such as the cost of living crisis, health care and other social issues which particularly affect the less well of in our communities.

And when we see the independents in parliament, the women ‘teal’ representatives, their fuss and bluster is all but non existent, they too are dignified in their approach to politics.

There is no name calling, there is no ‘weak as… water’ comment in describing their opponents. Their focus is on doing the job they took on when they were elected to represent their constituents.

A big question now is for the opposition to consider its position, including that in relation to women. The lessons are not being well learned when we consider the haste with which the leader of the Nationals hastened toward reaching a coalition agreement with the new Liberal leader.

Sussan Ley hurried home after being voted in as Liberal leader to be with her dying mother who passed away soon after. The leader of the Nationals, David Littleproud behaved in a way that reflects his name, he insisted on thrashing out the coalition agreement then and there, when there really was no urgency to do so. He had little to be proud of in what amounted to bullying tactics, when Ms Ley had not yet come to terms with the loss of her mother, had several important matters to consider, like funeral plans, like grieving, like spending time with other family members coming to terms with their loss.

The woman problem is one which is uniquely a problem for men. Men who feel threatened by women who assert their rights to be considered as real people, people with skills and abilities which are useful in business and in government bodies, local state, federal parliaments. Women who are successful in the roles they take on, whether as members of a sales team or as representatives for community interests as doctors, nurses, police officers. Women who refuse to engage in the bully pit of testosterone bloated chest thumpers who bully their way to power. Women who display empathy both in their connection with electorates, with their constituents and in their debates and committee sessions determine the the legislation presented is good legislation, good for all people.

Perhaps, just perhaps the Liberals and Nationals have learned a lesson or two about their problem with women. But looking at the leaders they have chosen, whether as opposition leader in the West Australian parliament or the unseemly rush to ‘fix’ things in sorting out the coalition problems in the Federal domain, it does not look all that promising.

The success of the Labor is in large part because the steady hand and moderate approach to politics is a result of having women and men working together to achieve outcomes which are good for communities, which offer hope and respect for all Australians.

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