The Sound of Silence: Where’s the Opposition Hiding?

Canberra’s gone quiet. Eerily quiet. The usual cacophony of the Opposition – moans, groans, and the odd Barnaby Joyce outburst – has vanished. For over a week, not a squeak. In politics, silence is louder than a megaphone, so what’s behind this hush?

Is it strategy? Opposition Leader Sussan Ley, known for her fiery rhetoric, might be recalibrating after the Coalition’s nuclear energy pitch fizzled like a wet sparkler. Perhaps she’s dodging divisive issues or rallying her party in secret, hoping to emerge as the Zen Queen of Opposition. Or maybe she’s just practicing her “enigmatic nod” in a mirror, coached by a silent monk.

The Nationals are AWOL too. David Littleproud, usually louder than a chainsaw, seems to have joined a silent retreat with his crew. Are they hibernating until 2028? Australia’s whispering: “What’s going on?”

To crack the mystery, I called my old mate “Deep Throat,” (you might remember him from my TV show) – the informant who knows where every political skeleton is buried. His take? “The Coalition is testing a bold tactic: say nothing, win everything. Voters love a mystery.” A leaked memo from Liberal HQ (allegedly scribbled on the back of an envelope in a Queanbeyan café) confirms it: Operation Say Squat. Phase One: smile cryptically, avoid microphones.

Word is, Ley is enrolled in a mime academy, perfecting the “enigmatic squint” to oppose without words, focusing on how to master non-verbal opposition. It’s a bold new tactic: “Why speak when you can… not speak?” Meanwhile, the Nationals are holed up in a soundproof shed, drafting a manifesto titled Shush: The Future of Australia. Even Barnaby Joyce, the human foghorn, has reportedly taken a vow of silence to pen his memoir, Beetrooter: The Silent Years.

This silence isn’t accidental; it’s high art. But will it outsmart Albo’s megaphone, or will the Coalition’s mute act leave voters snoring? Stay tuned, Australia. Or rather, stay silent. And enjoy the bliss while the members of the Opposition have nothing to say.

 

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