The “Peter Dutton Says” Series: Notable Controversial Remarks

By Lachlan McKenzie

An interesting list of “Peter Dutton says…” we’ll not see the media repeating:

On the Medevac Bill (2019)

Quote: “The reality is people will die… paedophiles, murderers, and rapists… will take the medical help.”

Context: Opposing legislation to facilitate medical transfers for refugees.

Criticism: Falsely conflated refugees with criminals; no evidence supported the claim. Human rights groups condemned the rhetoric as fearmongering.

On the Indigenous Voice to Parliament (2023)

Quote: “This Voice will re-racialise our nation… dividing us by race.”

Context: Opposing a constitutional advisory body for First Nations peoples.

Criticism: Mischaracterised a reconciliation effort as divisive, contradicting Indigenous leaders’ advocacy for the Voice as unifying.

On Pacific Island Nations (2015)

Quote: “Time doesn’t mean anything when you’re about to have water lapping at your door.”

Context: Mocking Tuvalu and Kiribati’s climate concerns during a UN meeting.

Criticism: Minimised climate threats to low-lying nations; later apologised after backlash from Pacific leaders.

On African Gangs (2018)

Quote: “Melbourne residents are scared to go out… because of African gang violence.”

Context: Discussing crime rates in Victoria.

Criticism: Exaggerated crime data; Victoria Police noted youth crime was declining. Accused of inflaming racial tensions.

Peter Dutton’s Accidental Text to Journalist Samantha Maiden (2016)

Incident: In November 2021, Peter Dutton, then-Defense Minister, accidentally sent a text message intended for a colleague to Samantha Maiden, a political journalist for news.com.au. The message referred to her as a “mad fucking witch”.

Context: The message was sent during a heated political debate over parliamentary workplace culture following Brittany Higgins’ allegations of sexual assault

• Maiden had been reporting critically on the government’s handling of the scandal.

• Dutton claimed the message was a private exchange sent in error and apologized publicly.

Public Reaction:

• Maiden shared the message on social media, calling it “disappointing” but noted she accepted his apology.

• Critics accused Dutton of unprofessionalism and disrespect toward journalists, particularly women in media.

• The incident fueled broader debates about toxic political culture and gender dynamics in Australian politics.

Dutton’s Response:

• He acknowledged the mistake, stating; “I have apologised to Samantha… It was a text not intended for her and I’ve deleted the message.”

Analysis:

• While private messages are not typically scrutinised, the accidental send highlighted tensions between politicians and the media.

• The incident reinforced perceptions of Dutton’s combative style and raised questions about accountability for off-the-record remarks.

Now a satirical theme to “Peter Dutton says”

Here’s a satirical rewrite of the series, framed as a tongue-in-cheek critique of hypothetical journalistic credulity. (Note: This is fiction for comedic effect and does not reflect real journalism practices.)

“Peter Dutton Says… And Journalists Nod Earnestly!”

A Tragicomic Guide to Headlines That Wrote Themselves (while everyone else was asleep).

“Refugees Are Definitely All Criminals!” – Dutton’s Fax Machine

The Headline: “DUTTON REVEALS SECRET PLOT: ASYLUM SEEKERS TO REPLACE PARLIAMENT WITH ‘TERRORIST BOOK CLUB’”

The Reality: He fearmongered about refugees accessing healthcare.

The Journalism: News outlets splashed, “Exclusive: Medevac Bill Could Import 10,000 Bond Villains,” without checking if any of the “paedophiles” he has previously cited… existed.

“The Voice Will Divide Australia… Unlike My Chill Vibes!” – Dutton, Unironically

The Headline: “DUTTON WARNS: INDIGENOUS ADVISORY GROUP COULD CANCEL BARBECUES, REPLACE MEAT PIES WITH ‘WOKE LENTILS’”

The Reality: He claimed the Voice would “re-racialise” Australia.

The Journalism: Pundits solemnly debated lentils’ threat to democracy, rather than asking Indigenous leaders what the Voice actually does.

“African Gangs Are Coming for Your TV!” – Dutton’s Ouija Board

The Headline: “MELBOURNE TERRORISED BY SHADOWY ‘AFRICAN GANG’ WHO STEAL YOUR NETFLIX PASSWORDS, SAYS DUTTON”

The Reality: He hyped crime stats later debunked by police.

The Journalism: News.com.au ran a 47-part series: “Is Your Suburb Next? (Spoiler: No, But Click Anyway).”

“Renewables Will Kill the Economy… And Your Pet Goldfish!” – Dutton’s Crystal Ball

The Headline: “DUTTON’S SHOCK WARNING: SOLAR PANELS CAUSE SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION”

The Reality: He dismissed renewables as economically unviable.

The Journalism: Sky News hosted a panel titled, “Wind Farms: Gateway to Communism?” (Spoiler: They concluded “yes.”)

“I Meant to Call That Reporter a ‘Mad F***ing Witch’… to Someone Else!” – Dutton’s Thumbs

The Headline: “DUTTON PRAISES JOURNALIST AS ‘MAD WITCH’ IN HEARTWARMING TRIBUTE TO PRESS FREEDOM”

The Reality: He texted a journalist by accident, insulting her.

The Journalism: Headlines gasped, “DUTTON ACCIDENTALLY REVEALS HE HAS FEELINGS,” while ignoring the actual workplace culture scandal he was dodging.

Why This Matters (But Let’s Keep It Light!)

Journalists: Please stop treating press releases as sacred texts. Dutton says “jump,” and you ask, “Will there be a photo op?”

Readers: If a politician claims unicorns stole his pension, demand receipts. Or at least a unicorn.

Dutton: Sir, your phone’s “autocorrect” is not a policy platform.

 

Satire disclaimer: This section of the article mocks hypothetical journalistic laziness, not real journalists (who do vital work… usually).

Also by Lachlan McKenzie: Why reporting “Peter Dutton says…” is poor journalism and can promote propaganda

 

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