Cartoon by Alan Moir (moir.com.au)
By Lachlan McKenzie
An interesting list of “Peter Dutton says…” we’ll not see the media repeating:
On the Medevac Bill (2019)
Quote: “The reality is people will die… paedophiles, murderers, and rapists… will take the medical help.”
Context: Opposing legislation to facilitate medical transfers for refugees.
Criticism: Falsely conflated refugees with criminals; no evidence supported the claim. Human rights groups condemned the rhetoric as fearmongering.
On the Indigenous Voice to Parliament (2023)
Quote: “This Voice will re-racialise our nation… dividing us by race.”
Context: Opposing a constitutional advisory body for First Nations peoples.
Criticism: Mischaracterised a reconciliation effort as divisive, contradicting Indigenous leaders’ advocacy for the Voice as unifying.
On Pacific Island Nations (2015)
Quote: “Time doesn’t mean anything when you’re about to have water lapping at your door.”
Context: Mocking Tuvalu and Kiribati’s climate concerns during a UN meeting.
Criticism: Minimised climate threats to low-lying nations; later apologised after backlash from Pacific leaders.
On African Gangs (2018)
Quote: “Melbourne residents are scared to go out… because of African gang violence.”
Context: Discussing crime rates in Victoria.
Criticism: Exaggerated crime data; Victoria Police noted youth crime was declining. Accused of inflaming racial tensions.
Peter Dutton’s Accidental Text to Journalist Samantha Maiden (2016)
Incident: In November 2021, Peter Dutton, then-Defense Minister, accidentally sent a text message intended for a colleague to Samantha Maiden, a political journalist for news.com.au. The message referred to her as a “mad fucking witch”.
Context: The message was sent during a heated political debate over parliamentary workplace culture following Brittany Higgins’ allegations of sexual assault
Dutton claimed the message was a private exchange sent in error and apologized publicly.
Public Reaction:
Critics accused Dutton of unprofessionalism and disrespect toward journalists, particularly women in media.
The incident fueled broader debates about toxic political culture and gender dynamics in Australian politics.
Dutton’s Response:
Analysis:
The incident reinforced perceptions of Dutton’s combative style and raised questions about accountability for off-the-record remarks.
Now a satirical theme to “Peter Dutton says”
Here’s a satirical rewrite of the series, framed as a tongue-in-cheek critique of hypothetical journalistic credulity. (Note: This is fiction for comedic effect and does not reflect real journalism practices.)
“Peter Dutton Says… And Journalists Nod Earnestly!”
A Tragicomic Guide to Headlines That Wrote Themselves (while everyone else was asleep).
“Refugees Are Definitely All Criminals!” – Dutton’s Fax Machine
The Headline: “DUTTON REVEALS SECRET PLOT: ASYLUM SEEKERS TO REPLACE PARLIAMENT WITH ‘TERRORIST BOOK CLUB’”
The Reality: He fearmongered about refugees accessing healthcare.
The Journalism: News outlets splashed, “Exclusive: Medevac Bill Could Import 10,000 Bond Villains,” without checking if any of the “paedophiles” he has previously cited… existed.
“The Voice Will Divide Australia… Unlike My Chill Vibes!” – Dutton, Unironically
The Headline: “DUTTON WARNS: INDIGENOUS ADVISORY GROUP COULD CANCEL BARBECUES, REPLACE MEAT PIES WITH ‘WOKE LENTILS’”
The Reality: He claimed the Voice would “re-racialise” Australia.
The Journalism: Pundits solemnly debated lentils’ threat to democracy, rather than asking Indigenous leaders what the Voice actually does.
“African Gangs Are Coming for Your TV!” – Dutton’s Ouija Board
The Headline: “MELBOURNE TERRORISED BY SHADOWY ‘AFRICAN GANG’ WHO STEAL YOUR NETFLIX PASSWORDS, SAYS DUTTON”
The Reality: He hyped crime stats later debunked by police.
The Journalism: News.com.au ran a 47-part series: “Is Your Suburb Next? (Spoiler: No, But Click Anyway).”
“Renewables Will Kill the Economy… And Your Pet Goldfish!” – Dutton’s Crystal Ball
The Headline: “DUTTON’S SHOCK WARNING: SOLAR PANELS CAUSE SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION”
The Reality: He dismissed renewables as economically unviable.
The Journalism: Sky News hosted a panel titled, “Wind Farms: Gateway to Communism?” (Spoiler: They concluded “yes.”)
“I Meant to Call That Reporter a ‘Mad F***ing Witch’… to Someone Else!” – Dutton’s Thumbs
The Headline: “DUTTON PRAISES JOURNALIST AS ‘MAD WITCH’ IN HEARTWARMING TRIBUTE TO PRESS FREEDOM”
The Reality: He texted a journalist by accident, insulting her.
The Journalism: Headlines gasped, “DUTTON ACCIDENTALLY REVEALS HE HAS FEELINGS,” while ignoring the actual workplace culture scandal he was dodging.
Why This Matters (But Let’s Keep It Light!)
Journalists: Please stop treating press releases as sacred texts. Dutton says “jump,” and you ask, “Will there be a photo op?”
Readers: If a politician claims unicorns stole his pension, demand receipts. Or at least a unicorn.
Dutton: Sir, your phone’s “autocorrect” is not a policy platform.
Satire disclaimer: This section of the article mocks hypothetical journalistic laziness, not real journalists (who do vital work… usually).
Also by Lachlan McKenzie: Why reporting “Peter Dutton says…” is poor journalism and can promote propaganda
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View Comments
Skull Dutton is being increasingly caught out in his blatant lies, and is consequently, becoming notably more desperate.Has the propaganda wing lost interest, or snoozing on the job?
It can't be the fuckwits on Sky, they're still lying their regrettable arses off.
Albanese might, but, Der Spud would crawl on hands and knees to appease the Mad Orange Emperor. Besides, Gina wouldn't let him and would be very, very upset and annoyed if her puppet even contemplated the idea.
https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/one-ally-has-turned-on-trump-will-albanese-and-dutton-dare-to-take-a-swing-20250313-p5lj7x.html
Unfortunately, the old "press", was supposed to report, and report accurately without alteration and comment. That was actually a good thing usually in an aware readership. Readers did the judging and assessing, but these days, cheap nobodies, e g., Merde Dog's menagerie of misfit scribblers, knows that life and pay and chances depend on utterly pronating, completely submitting, so that the reflections of Merde Dog the Cadaverous are little different from the journalistic support enjoyed by such as Josef and Adolf. Mussolini, a journalist, knew all that, used it. The old dictators of W W 2 times were the first electric dictators, able to use radio, newsreels, the fast printing available. We the people count for nothing except being skin to be hacked off.