Shocked, I tells ya. Shocked (Image from news.com.au / Photo by Gary Ramage)
The Liberal Party headquarters resembled a ghost town after their crushing election defeat. The air smelled of stale coffee and shattered dreams, with campaign posters peeling off the walls like autumn leaves. Peter Dutton, their stoic leader, had vanished into the political wilderness – rumour had it he was last seen growing potatoes in Queensland, muttering about border security to his crops. The party was leaderless, directionless, and desperate for a reboot.
A small group of Liberal Party stalwarts gathered in a dimly lit boardroom to strategise. John Howard, sipping tomato juice, hinted he’s dimly aware of the current century and proposed a TikTok account to target the youth vote. “We’ll do a dance challenge – call it the ‘Coalition Shuffle’!” he exclaimed, attempting a two-step that sent a chair crashing to the floor. Sussan Ley winced, muttering, “John, the last thing we need is you twerking on the internet.”
Angus Taylor, clutching a calculator, proposed a different tactic: “Numbers don’t lie. We double down on coal. Let’s build a giant coal statue of Gina Rinehart in every capital city!” The room fell silent. “Angus,” Sussan sighed, “the only thing that’ll get us is a bigger climate protest.”
Just then, the door burst open, and in strode Tony Abbott, wearing his infamous budgie smugglers and a cape made from an old Australian flag. “Fear not, fellow hobnobbers!” he bellowed, munching on a raw onion. “I’ve returned to save the party!” The room erupted in a mix of gasps and groans. “Tony, you’re not even in parliament anymore,” Little Johnny pointed out. Tony grinned, “Details, mate. I’ve got a plan: we challenge Albanese to a surf-off at Bondi. Winner takes the Lodge!”
Sussan rubbed her temples. “Tony, we need a leader, not a Baywatch reboot.” But Tony was already scribbling slogans on a whiteboard: “Onions for Votes” and “Stop the Boats, Start the Waves.” Against their better judgment, the team felt a spark of chaotic hope. Maybe Tony’s absurdity was just the shake-up they needed.
As they debated, a young staffer piped up: “What if we just… listen to voters?” The room froze. Tony dropped his onion. Howard’s tomato juice slipped from his hand. Angus’s calculator beeped in protest. “Listen to voters?” Sussan whispered, horrified. “That’s the most ridiculous idea yet.”
And so, the Liberal Party regrouped – same as ever, blissfully out of touch.
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Cadaverous Jack Howard, an old classmate, actually dancing? Never. He could barely keep in step around the school quadrangle in the air cadets. Unpromoted, unprefected, he was not leadership material, barely a sulky follower. Angus T. remains a person of no interest, even to the police. LLLeeyy cannot lead, and the others lack even a decent mediocrity. Abbott would be best remembered by a blank history book page, politeness there. So, recruit A Bolt, all arse and ego? Something similar? A figurine? (Perhaps the next liberal P M has yet to be born...and, with a shameless shithead in T Wilson revived, that would be suitable.)
Sublime parody... too close to the truth of the matter.
A choice between the artful dodger and the dopey dame..
What a delicious dilemma.The descent into oblivion continues.
The biggest danger for Albanese now is to resist being consumed by hubris,and his attack on the Greens is not encouraging.
Not at all surprised about Labor's definitive win at the last federal election! Who on earth is foolish enough to vote for a callously inhumane, misogynistic and racist political psychopath like Dutton? The truth is egalitarian, multicultural Australians have NOTHING in common with the Howard/Abbott/Morrison/Dutton's hateful version of the LNP which has deteriorated into a born-to-rule fascist regime overflowing with unconscionable war mongers, medieval alpha-male misogynistic predators, rusted-on racist right-wing extremists, callously inhumane, thoroughly entitled, condescending elitists and corrupt, self-serving political miscreants! There isn't one good thing one can find to say about the LNP.
Most Australians couldn't think the LNP could get much worse after that discredited, John Howard, took over the reigns of the LNP when Howard's LNP was quite happy to risk the lives of young Australian men and women in the invasion of Iraq, a hideous ILLEGAL war that the sycophantic Howard and his malignant "hero" George W Bush used as a despicable diversion to take attention AWAY from their OWN appalling level of self-serving corruption! However, things inevitably got worse - a HELLUVA lot worse - when the Mother and Father of ALL reprehensible 1950's styled misogynists, the regressive onion-eating Tony Abbott, rose to megalomaniacal power thoroughly embarrassing our nation on the world stage! Abbott was followed by yet ANOTHER misogynist, the born-to-rule Scott Morrison, who undemocratically attempted to manipulate the then Governor General, David Hurley, in Morrison's fascist and surreptitious attempt to take over FIVE POLITICAL PORTFOLIOS!
Morrison failed to hide his appalling level of undemocratic megalomania, racism and contempt for working- and middle-class Australians behind a very thin facade of bible-thumping hypocrisy as a signed-up member of the notorious Hillsong - a CULT that went out of its way to protect and support Frank Houston, who just so happened to be the father of Hillsong's founder, Brian Houston (a close friend of Morrison's) - refer link below.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/dec/19/frank-houston-committed-child-sexual-abuse-at-a-time-when-he-felt-emotionally-low-court-hears
Now we have yet ANOTHER LNP-manufactured megalomaniacal sociopath who has managed to crawl to the top of the worst, most dangerously undemocratic, elitist, corrupt and self-serving regime in our nation's history! Considering that Dutton considered that loathsome, born-to-rule, self-promoting ruthless RWNJ and alleged warmonger, John Howard, to be his political "hero", Australians cannot REALLY expect Dutton to be much of an improvement on John Howard who ended his discredited career in disgrace and notoriety.
Yes, indeed, the fact that Dutton suffered a CATASTROPHIC loss at the last federal election in this progressive, egalitarian nation of Australia, was NOT a surprise - it was INEVITABLE!
I attended a community meeting in my little town one wintery night.
Discussion turned to the 'youth' of the town and their sometimes 'rowdy' behaviour. We were discussing the value of a state park in the town.
I suggested we invite the 4-5 kid riding their skateboards in the carpark to tell us what they would like.
Howls of horror, "don't let them in, who knows what they'd do".
"Jacinta Nampijinpa Price departs Nationals to help 'rebuild' Liberals."
The delusions/illusions continue.