The fourth and final leaders’ debate of Australia’s 2025 election was less a clash of titans and more a masterclass in how not to audition for prime minister. Peter Dutton, the Opposition Leader whose campaign has resembled a slow-motion car crash, managed to solidify his reputation as a man allergic to facts, coherence, and basic arithmetic. Meanwhile, Anthony Albanese, while hardly flawless, emerged as the adult in the room – albeit one occasionally caught texting imaginary world leaders. Let’s dissect the carnage.
Nuclear Fantasyland: Dutton’s Reactor Roadshow Goes Nowhere
Dutton’s grand plan to build seven nuclear reactors – a policy so unserious it belongs in a SimCity game – was eviscerated yet again. When pressed on why he hadn’t visited a single proposed reactor site during the campaign, Dutton squirmed like a kid caught fibbing about homework. His excuse? “I’ve visited them before!” Sure, Pete, and I’ve “visited” the gym in my mind while eating Tim Tams. Experts have already torched his nuclear pipe dream as economically unviable and decades too late to address climate change. Albanese, ever the cheeky pragmatist, quipped: “The only gas policy the Coalition has is gaslighting the Australian public.” Mic drop.
Culture Wars: Dutton’s “Welcome to Nowhere” Moment
In a desperate bid to rally the anti-woke brigade, Dutton declared Welcome to Country ceremonies “overdone,” suggesting they belong only at “important” events. Translation: Let’s erase Indigenous acknowledgment unless it’s convenient for photo ops. Albanese, channeling his inner diplomat, countered that respecting First Nations culture isn’t a checkbox exercise but a “privilege”. Dutton’s tone-deaf remark not only alienated progressive voters but also highlighted his knack for picking fights with symbolism over substance – a specialty of leaders who’ve run out of ideas.
The Egg Test: Dutton’s Cost-of-Living Cluelessness
Nothing encapsulated Dutton’s disconnect from reality like his guess at the price of a dozen eggs: $4.20. Spoiler alert: They’re over $8. Albanese, who lowballed at $7, still won the audience’s trust on cost of living by a landslide (65% vs. Dutton’s 15%). This wasn’t just a grocery fail – it was a metaphor. Dutton’s entire economic pitch hinges on magical thinking: cutting fuel taxes (a Band-Aid for inflation) while promising nuclear reactors and tax breaks. His fiscal plan? Schrödinger’s budget: simultaneously austere and extravagant.
Trumpian Tango: “Does He Even Have a Phone?”
Albanese’s awkward claim that Donald Trump “doesn’t have a mobile phone” was odd, but Dutton’s attempt to weaponise it was odder. “Do you have his number?!” he sneered, as if texting Trump were a prerequisite for leadership. Meanwhile, Dutton’s own Trump-adjacent antics – mocking “wokeness,” cosying up to conspiracy-friendly media – backfired spectacularly. Voters, it seems, aren’t keen on importing U.S.-style culture wars, especially when their own wallets are screaming .
The “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” Olympics
Dutton spent the debate accusing Albanese of dishonesty; a bold strategy for a man whose nuclear policy is held together by duct tape and wishful thinking. Albanese fired back by cataloguing Dutton’s flip-flops: from work-from-home rules to public service cuts. The Liberal leader’s campaign has been a parade of contradictions, earning him the nickname “Backflip Dutton”. When Albanese brandished his Medicare card as proof of healthcare credibility, Dutton’s retort – “Bulk billing rates have fallen!” – ignored his own role in freezing rebates as health minister. Classic Dutton: blaming others for fires he lit.
Why Dutton Should Never Be PM: A Snarky Summary
Nuclear Delusions: His energy policy is a fairy tale. Even Simpsons writers would reject it for lacking realism.
Economic Amnesia: Thinks eggs cost $4.20. Next he’ll claim avocados are still $2 and millennials are just lazy.
Culture Warrior Fatigue: His “anti-woke” shtick is as stale as a week-old Vegemite sandwich.
Policy Whiplash: Flip-flopped on everything from telehealth to public servants. Leadership requires consistency, not chaos.
Trump Lite: Tried copying Trump’s playbook but forgot Australians prefer leaders who don’t melt down under mild scrutiny.
Final Verdict: The debate confirmed what polls already show: Dutton’s campaign is a dumpster fire, and Albanese – while no superstar – has at least kept the matches away. If Dutton wants a legacy, he’s welcome to build a nuclear reactor in his backyard. For now, Australia deserves better than a leader whose best idea is reheated Howard-era slogans and a calculator that’s stuck in 1995.
Also by Lachlan McKenzie:
Two Out of Three Judges Endorse Chaos: Incoherent Policies and Misinformation Win Leader’s Debate
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Peter Dutton will rule with an iron fist particularly when it comes to matters such as where the Aboriginal flag will be displayed and where Dutton will permit ‘Welcomes to Country’.
He has very firm view on these matters and to enforce them he will require legislation and enforcement (otherwise what’s the point?) . So don’t go having a welcome to country at your special event or displaying a First Nations’ Flag, you may find that you are reported to the Dutton secret police and face charges.
If a Dutton administration is focused on so many things in your day-to-day life just imagine what they may do to rein in the so called ‘hate media’ otherwise known as the ABC, the Guardian and AIMN.
A Dutton view of the world will clearly be more Trumpian than we are used to. Freedoms that we now take for granted will be regulated by the Dutton SS. Some would say that not having to think as much is a good thing, Spud will tell you what you need to know in his dystopian world view.
Australia please don’t let this man take charge, this is serious !
Interesting image, Terry Mills. A man with an iron fist, but feet of clay, a heart of ice, a brain of jello well past its use-by date, a potty mouth, eyes that don’t see and ears that don’t hear…
A man who projects his constant lies onto his opponents.
We will not have to put up with this abomination after next Saturday
Who’s next,The laughable liar Taylor?
Our ‘lil’ Pete, Mr. Duckwit-Futton, devotee of bumkicking for civilisation, has just died away, drained of virile pustularity while failing to actually explain anything. May he soon be ended, forgotten, junked, along with colleagues who inflated this turd. Let us return to snail’s pace mediocrity and fear of the unknown. Donald, is that you? (and, I cannot see many of us “winning” at all…)