Peter Dutton and David Littleproud (Image from 9news.com.au)
Now General Sedgwick can rest easy in his grave. His famous last words were: “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…”. However, after the landslide Labor win, Peter Dutton’s assertion that they were the only party who could form majority government is an even worse peak into the future. Leaving aside the fact that Labor secured their biggest win in history, did Dutton forget that the Coalition is actually two parties, so there was no prospect of his party achieving a majority in its own right?
Of course, it’s always been one of those things. Liberals and Nationals are just presumed to go together like Batman and Robin, Fish and Chips, Bonnie and Clyde, Barnaby and Beer, Rock and Roll…
I should probably clarify that by mentioning Bonnie and Clyde I didn’t mean to imply that the Coalition were criminals, just in case Linda Reynolds hasn’t found anyone to sue for defamation this week.
Notwithstanding the salt and pepper nature of the Coalition, it does seem that the Nationals have decided that too much salt may be harmful to their health and that they’d be better off going alone… And, I am assured that it’s because of policy differences and not just because the Liberals are now being led by a woman because that would suggest that there’s an element in the National Party that hasn’t moved into the 21st Century yet… well, ok, there is a section of National Party that still has problems with a lot of things that happened in the 20th Century but now that they’ve split with the Liberals then they’re free to oppose a lot of things that woke people think of as progress… like anyone who isn’t a landowner getting the vote.
This is a big moment in the history of the Coalition according to many of the comments I’ve heard in the media today. Yes, it is certainly hard to argue with that. Although it was hard to believe that the Coalition agreement had been in place for hundred years when the Liberal Party was only formed in the 1940s…
Anyway, this means that the Liberal Party will be the Opposition and have to form a shadow cabinet without the Nationals. This is when they really need Scott Morrison. Given the number of MPs in the Liberals they could really use someone whose prepared to take on five ministries…
So what will this mean going forward? Was I right in predicting the end of the Liberal Party a few years ago? Or will they join forces with the right wing of the Labor Party and form a new party called the “The Sensible Centre Party”, expelling the left of the Labor Party who’ll join with the Greens to call themselves “The Left Sense Party”, completely unaware of the ambiguity? This leaves a big opening for the Teals who can form a party and call it the “We’re not really a party which is why there are no capitals but you’ll have to agree that it’s a vast improvement on the others” until the AEC insist that it’s too long and won’t fit on the ballot papers.
All of which leaves the Nationals in the position of saying that they’re the oldest party with the oldest traditions and the oldest voters and with wisdom comes age, which is sort of true, even though it makes more sense to say with age comes wisdom, although Barnaby sort of refutes that point.
Whatever, I suspect that…
Oh, come on, anyone who reads me regularly knows that my predictions for the future are pretty accurate… well, certainly more accurate than General Sedgwick, Peter Dutton and Peter Van Onselen.
I predict that the new senators will take their place in July. (So far, I’m probably right!) A short time after this, David Littleproud will make a comment about being open to reconsidering a coalition. When this doesn’t happen, Jacinta Price will announce a challenge and there’ll be a spill. Someone else – possibly Well Done Angus, certainly someone else will be too Hastie, then Dan Tehan will say that he’s a country member – at which point someone will say that so are the rest of them (it’s the sort of pun that needs to said aloud, in case you haven’t heard it before) – then Dan will continue and suggest that he’s in the best position to talk to the Nationals and then it’ll be on for young and old and we’ll be left with Rupert’s New Corpse backing Labor because they’re the only ones who can actually deliver.
Far-fetched?
Clearly you haven’t been paying attention to the 21st Century!
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Well, I guess this breakup pretty well guarantees that neither of the opposition parties will be in a position to form government for a very long time... it's a wonderful thing to witness when the illusion of competency finally shatters and the facade and absurdity underpinning the conservative side of politics is revealed with all of its shallow and pathetic bathos.