Death Rattle of the Dinosaurs: Murdoch’s Last Gasp to Save a Dying Duopoly (Spoiler: It’s Getting Desperate)

Cartoon Pitch (Jeff Hook Style):

Scene: A bloated, sweating Murdoch (wearing a “Kingmaker” robe) and a coal-covered mining magnate frantically stack sandbags labeled “Fake News” and “Scare Campaigns” to hold back a tidal wave of teal independents surfing on surfboards made of “Voter Anger” and “Integrity.” A crumbling castle labeled “Coalition Control” collapses in the background. A cockatoo squawks, “Code Red! The peasants are thinking for themselves!”

How Murdoch, Mining Moguls, and the Coalition Are Rigging Democracy’s Funeral

Australia’s political old guard is sweating harder than a backpacker in the Outback. The Coalition’s iron grip on power? Slipping. Murdoch’s media monopoly? Cracking. And mining billionaires? Suddenly realising their money can’t buy love – or voters. But don’t pop the champagne yet. When cornered, dinosaurs fight dirty. Here’s how they’re trying to sabotage democracy’s reboot.

1. The Formula Is Broken – And They Know It

For decades, the playbook was simple:

Step 1: Mine fear. (Literally and figuratively.)

Step 2: Flood airwaves with “Labor = Chaos” headlines.

Step 3: Cash mining lobby cheques.

Step 4: Repeat.

But thanks to the teal tsunami and a generation of voters who’d rather drown in debt than climate denial, the Coalition’s scare campaigns now land like a dad joke at a rave.

Exhibit A: 2025’s election saw “safe” Liberal seats flipped by independents who campaigned on actual issues (wild, right?).

Exhibit B: Even Murdoch’s The Australian begrudgingly admitted the Coalition’s “energy policy” was just three coal lumps in a suit.

2. The Sinister Ploys to Cling to Power

Panic makes hypocrites bold. Here’s the underhanded toolkit the old guard is deploying:

A. The “Democracy Is Too Hard” Act

Suddenly, the Coalition and their media mates are very concerned about “confusing” voters with too many choices. Watch for:

• Pushing preferential voting “reforms” that advantage major parties (read: “Make it harder for independents to win!”).
• Smearing teals as “fake independents” funded by… checks notes… local communities. The horror!

B. The “We’re the Victims Now” Tour

Having lost the culture war on climate, the Coalition is rebranding as “cancel culture” martyrs. Latest hits include:

• “Woke councils are erasing Australia Day!” (Translation: “We’re mad people want to discuss colonialism.”)
• “Independents are elitist!” (Says the party whose MPs fly first-class to open new coal mines.)

C. The Media Monopoly Mousetrap

Murdoch’s empire is scrambling to kill two birds with one stone:

1. Merging regional newspapers into “zombie mastheads” that parrot Sky News talking points.
2. Amplifying fringe conspiracy theorists (e.g., “Climate change is a UN plot!”) to split the progressive vote.

D. The “Legalise Corruption” Gambit

With a federal ICAC looming, expect the Coalition to:

• Defang oversight laws by adding loopholes big enough to drive a mining truck through.
• Relaunch the “Freedom of Speech” mantra (i.e., “Freedom to take secret donations”).

3. Why Minority Governments Terrify Them

The elites aren’t scared of Labor – they’re scared of democracy working. Minority governments force transparency, negotiation, and gasp accountability.

Teal independents don’t care about Murdoch’s endorsements or mining lobby threats. Their loyalty is to voters, not vested interests.

A hung parliament means backroom deals get exposed. Remember when the Greens-Labor alliance passed more progressive legislation in 2010–13 than the Coalition did in a decade? Yeah, they’d rather you didn’t.

4. The New Playbook: How to Fight Back

The dinosaurs’ death throes are loud, but not unstoppable. Here’s how to break their grip:

Starve the beasts: Support independent media (like The Saturday Paper or Crikey) to counter Murdoch’s echo chamber.

• Vote like your democracy depends on it (because it does). Prioritise candidates who reject fossil fuel donations.
• Laugh at their desperation: Nothing defangs fearmongering like mockery. Share memes of Peter Dutton photoshopped into a Mad Max villain.

Conclusion: Extinction Is Inevitable

Murdoch and the Coalition’s antics are the political equivalent of slapping bandaids on a bursting dam. The teal wave, the rise of grassroots movements, and a generation sick of being gaslit about their future are rewriting the rules.

Yes, the old guard will try to cheat, lie, and fearmonger. But as the 2025 election showed, Australians are done being treated like NPCs in a mining tycoon’s video game. Minority governments aren’t a threat – they’re democracy’s upgrade.

So let the dinosaurs roar. Their extinction is just a matter of time.

 

Also by Lachlan McKenzie: Reimagining Democracy: A Blueprint for an Australian Republic Free from Corporate Strings

 

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