Anon
Scene: A bloated, sweating Murdoch (wearing a “Kingmaker” robe) and a coal-covered mining magnate frantically stack sandbags labeled “Fake News” and “Scare Campaigns” to hold back a tidal wave of teal independents surfing on surfboards made of “Voter Anger” and “Integrity.” A crumbling castle labeled “Coalition Control” collapses in the background. A cockatoo squawks, “Code Red! The peasants are thinking for themselves!”
Australia’s political old guard is sweating harder than a backpacker in the Outback. The Coalition’s iron grip on power? Slipping. Murdoch’s media monopoly? Cracking. And mining billionaires? Suddenly realising their money can’t buy love – or voters. But don’t pop the champagne yet. When cornered, dinosaurs fight dirty. Here’s how they’re trying to sabotage democracy’s reboot.
For decades, the playbook was simple:
Step 1: Mine fear. (Literally and figuratively.)
Step 2: Flood airwaves with “Labor = Chaos” headlines.
Step 3: Cash mining lobby cheques.
Step 4: Repeat.
But thanks to the teal tsunami and a generation of voters who’d rather drown in debt than climate denial, the Coalition’s scare campaigns now land like a dad joke at a rave.
Exhibit A: 2025’s election saw “safe” Liberal seats flipped by independents who campaigned on actual issues (wild, right?).
Exhibit B: Even Murdoch’s The Australian begrudgingly admitted the Coalition’s “energy policy” was just three coal lumps in a suit.
Panic makes hypocrites bold. Here’s the underhanded toolkit the old guard is deploying:
Suddenly, the Coalition and their media mates are very concerned about “confusing” voters with too many choices. Watch for:
Having lost the culture war on climate, the Coalition is rebranding as “cancel culture” martyrs. Latest hits include:
Murdoch’s empire is scrambling to kill two birds with one stone:
With a federal ICAC looming, expect the Coalition to:
The elites aren’t scared of Labor – they’re scared of democracy working. Minority governments force transparency, negotiation, and gasp accountability.
Teal independents don’t care about Murdoch’s endorsements or mining lobby threats. Their loyalty is to voters, not vested interests.
A hung parliament means backroom deals get exposed. Remember when the Greens-Labor alliance passed more progressive legislation in 2010–13 than the Coalition did in a decade? Yeah, they’d rather you didn’t.
The dinosaurs’ death throes are loud, but not unstoppable. Here’s how to break their grip:
Starve the beasts: Support independent media (like The Saturday Paper or Crikey) to counter Murdoch’s echo chamber.
Murdoch and the Coalition’s antics are the political equivalent of slapping bandaids on a bursting dam. The teal wave, the rise of grassroots movements, and a generation sick of being gaslit about their future are rewriting the rules.
Yes, the old guard will try to cheat, lie, and fearmonger. But as the 2025 election showed, Australians are done being treated like NPCs in a mining tycoon’s video game. Minority governments aren’t a threat – they’re democracy’s upgrade.
So let the dinosaurs roar. Their extinction is just a matter of time.
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There must be huge amounts of worm poo, last traces of Murdoch dupes and suckers, who enjoyed the page three titties, the puzzles, cartoons, specials ads, spppooorrrttt, gossip, gutless digs at the vulnerable, opinions from reffo village idiots, etc. Murdoch stood for Truth, Dignity, Law, Honesty, Our Way, the Flag, and then.., fish and chip heating, cocky cage hygiene, mulch extender, emergency sphinctreing. So versatile. (has he gone yet?)