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The Liberal Party is many things – but “policy rich” isn’t one of them. While they remain firmly in opposition, their main job seems to be finding new and creative ways to complain about the Labor government. Policy development? That’s a donor’s problem.
Instead, the daily grind of a Liberal Party adviser revolves around one core mission: find something – anything – to be outraged about, and get it on TV by sunset.
Here’s what a typical day looks like behind the scenes…
(Complaint prep. Media blitz. Zero policy.)
Quick scroll through the headlines. PM Albanese visited a preschool in Darwin? Perfect. “Why Darwin? What about the real Australia?” That’ll work. Fire off a group text to the Shadow Cabinet:
“Albo hates cities with vowels. Let’s run with that.”
Spot an opportunity. A Labor minister is defending a cost-of-living initiative. Note to self:
“Complain it’s not enough… but don’t offer anything better.”
Text a journalist:
“Is the PM trying to buy votes again? Just asking questions.”
Discuss the strategy:
Send friendly email to producers:
“The Leader of the Opposition has strong feelings about Albanese’s trip to China lasting more than 15 minutes. Happy to come on and discuss.”
Response within 2 minutes: “You’re on. Sunday morning. Full segment.”
Title: “Albanese Must Explain”
Subject: Undecided. It doesn’t matter. Could be interest rates, netball funding, or the rise in flu cases in Victoria.
Throw in phrases like “serious questions” and “out of touch.”
Assure them the party still believes in coal, freedom, and the sanctity of The Bolt Report. Share an exclusive tip:
“Albo once drove past a struggling small business without stopping. Just tragic.”
Scroll Twitter. Like any post that attacks the ABC (unless the ABC has invited the Opposition Leader on, then retweet them).
Send anonymous quote to The Australian:
“The PM is more interested in foreign summits than Aussie battlers.”
Remind yourself to Google “Aussie battlers” later.
The Prime Minister smiled during Question Time. A disgrace.
Draft talking points:
Policy development scheduled for next quarter. Maybe. Unless there’s a scandal to milk.
Another strong day:
Final task: prepare tomorrow’s line of attack. The PM is visiting a dog shelter? Perfect.
“Albanese pats dogs while Australians can’t afford dinner. Has he lost touch?”
* * * * *
In the world of Liberal Party politics, it’s not about the solutions – it’s about the headlines. And for their advisers, every day is guided by an unofficial motto whispered through corridors and press conferences alike:
“Anger now. Details later.”
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Something strange going on at SKY after Dark !
Programs such as Credlin, The Bolt Report, Sharri and Paul Murray Live don't actually feature the named presenter - Credlin has disappeared, Bolt has bolted, Sharri is nowhere to be seen, and Paul Murray has nicked off.
It has been rumoured that periodically these opinionistas are sent off to a News Corp live-in, re-education program to boost their right-wing sense of outrage when it starts to flag.
Their places are taken up by a rag-tag group of wannabes, people such as Danica De Giorgio, James Macpherson and Caleb Bond.
All very strange !
Apropos the accuracy of Roswell's observations... perhaps the LNP read The AIMN for pass notes on what to do next; anyhow, the SMH reports that they're having a shot at Albo for visiting the pandas in China.
Always had an inkling that the LNP secretly want to be the fun police, tromping down on anything that has a whiff of enjoyment about it... makes sense given they're so useless at politics.
Unsurprisingly, boy senator 'See me and Tremble' James Paterson was the spokesboy speaking out against Albo's 'indulgent' behaviour.
If some putridities are absent from FoxPox, it's a small mercy, a tribute to the survival of educated consideration and honest assessment. And, J. Patterson remains a forgettable emanation from old days at IPA confections, aberrations, propagandistics. Does the inaptly named Liberal Party have any advice? Does it bother any brain at all? Having been thrashed, discarded, rather humiliated, de-Duttoned (who?), is it "fit?" Tune in, if you hanker for ever more rubbish.
As a former public servant I reckon this is very close to the truth.
I resigned from the federal public service prior to the 2013 election, which the Abbott-led coalition won.
A few weeks later Carol and I were strolling around Civic (the Canberra city centre), and I couldn’t help but notice dozens upon dozens of my former workmates (Dept of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations) sitting in sidewalk cafes. That’s not unusual for a public servant (😁) but the number of them was too large to ignore.
“What’s the go?” I asked.
“We’ve got nothing to do - not a damn thing - and it’s been like this since the election. This mob came into power without a policy, a plan, or even a thought bubble.”
And that’s how it stayed for nine years.
Yes Michael, hit the nail right on the head. Just to nicely cap off Roswell's snips of the LNP's advisor's diary.
It doesn't matter that "Credlin has disappeared, Bolt has bolted, Sharri is nowhere to be seen, and Paul Murray has nicked off, the wide-mouthed frogs of the LNP can handle it .....
The Top (aspirant) Dogs of the LNP, Ley, Cash, Taylor and Joyce (is Littleproud still there?) might be getting opportunities doled out to them, but they're just blathering more and more utter juvenile incomprehensible nonsense. Meanwhile James Paterson adjusts his empty gravitas and woggle since the run-in with Baden Powell's descendants. Such charisma makes for superlative absurdity, and yet they've asked us not to panda to them!
Down the gurgler goes any opportunity for an honorable life for an LNP advisor.